12 February, 2010

You. Are. Compute.


The Manchester Mark 1 was one of the earliest electronic computers, operational in April 1949, when my mom was 3 years old. The researchers who built the machine pioneered the use of index registers, which were apparently crucial to the eventual development of the vastly comprehensive computer memory you and I all enjoy today. This is the information I determined to be the most important when I beefed up on computer history in thirty seconds before I started writing this.

(The part about my mom being three years old when it became operational wasn't part of my research. I used my powers of deduction.)

Not because Valentine's Day is imminent, but rather because love, and nerdiness, and ESPECIALLY nerdy love (or lovely nerdiness) ought to be celebrated every weekend of the year, I wish to inform you that in 1952 a brilliant man named Christopher Strackey developed a computer program called "Loveletters" that operates on the internet to this very day, in its original form.

I didn't pay too much attention when Dr. Mark Davies tried to teach his 293 class about computational linguistics, but I am pretty sure the computer program taps a corpus of love letters (whether they are real ones or manufactured ones I can't say) and generates random permutations of the pieces it finds, splicing them together every time you refresh the page. Hours of fun! Here are a few of my favorites:

LOVE DEAR
YOU ARE MY AVID CHARM: MY BURNING WISH. MY ARDOUR ARDENTLY ADORES YOUR LITTLE ARDOUR. MY IMPATIENT ARDOUR DESIRES YOUR DESIRE. YOU ARE MY DEAR LIKING.
YOURS ANXIOUSLY
M. U. C.

SWEETHEART DEAR
MY FONDNESS COVETOUSLY CLINGS TO YOUR LOVABLE WISH. YOU ARE MY CRAVING TENDERNESS. MY FANCY LIKES YOUR LOVE. YOU ARE MY FOND FANCY: MY KEEN HEART.
YOURS FONDLY
M. U. C.

LOVE DUCK
MY LOVING ADORATION ARDENTLY TREASURES YOUR HUNGER. YOU ARE MY PRECIOUS HUNGER. MY YEARNING ATTRACTS YOUR WISH. YOU ARE MY WISTFUL DESIRE. MY FONDNESS ADORES YOUR DEVOTION.
YOURS ANXIOUSLY
M. U. C.

HONEY JEWEL
YOU ARE MY CURIOUS WISH. MY AFFECTION LUSTS FOR YOUR PASSION. YOU ARE MY ADORABLE DEVOTION: MY WINNING PASSION. MY LOVESICK AFFECTION AVIDLY ADORES YOUR FANCY.
YOURS ARDENTLY
M. U. C.

DEAR MOPPET
MY BURNING FONDNESS BREATHLESSLY LOVES YOUR TENDER ARDOUR. MY ENCHANTMENT BEAUTIFULLY CLINGS TO YOUR CRAVING RAPTURE. MY ADORATION BEAUTIFULLY PINES FOR YOUR YEARNING. YOU ARE MY AMOROUS APPETITE: MY PRECIOUS FERVOUR.
YOURS IMPATIENTLY
M. U. C.

Now if only I had paid enough attention in CHUM 250 (or rather, shown up to class) perhaps I would be able to create a computer program that would pull from those five little beauties above and create my ULTIMATE LOVE LETTER.

That would be a dangerous, dangerous tool, fatal in the wrong hands.

Never mind.

1 comment:

pamily said...

LOVE JEWEL
YOU ARE MY CURIOUS ARDOUR. MY AFFECTION SIGHS FOR YOUR YEARNING. MY EAGER INFATUATION LONGS FOR YOUR DEVOTED LONGING. MY LUST COVETOUSLY LIKES YOUR LOVE. YOU ARE MY BEAUTIFUL LONGING.
YOURS EAGERLY
M. U. C.

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