1. Make Punnett Square about potential hypothetical children. 2. Say, "We should get married!" and laugh. 3. Make sure to include mission stories, relate them to everything you can. 4. Call your parents and make your date get on the phone and say hi. 5. Invite your date to a family reunion or other family event. 6. Show him or her a scar normally covered by your clothing. 7. Inform your date of your secret desire to be prophet someday. 8. Talk a lot about past dates, past relationships, ex-girl/boyfriends, when you were previously engaged or about the missionaries you are currently writing. 9. Be from Utah ... kidding ... mostly ... 10. Tell a deeply personal repentance story. Cry. 11. Ask how many kids he/she wants. 12. Tell him/her you already have a ring and a wedding dress and a contract at BYU married housing. 13. Wear a facemask, and never take it off, even to eat. When asked why, mention Swine Flu, SARS, etc. 14. Be extremely over-formal: before you do anything make sure it is announced. When conversing, ask a question, and and make sure everybody in your group (if you are in one) answers the question before moving on. Make sure to repeatedly outline all the date's activities, etc. 15. Check out other people while you are going places or walking. 16. Discuss natural vs. medicated childbirth, pros and cons. 17. Tell them that their fly is down, then reach over and zip it up. 18. Tell everyone you are celebrating your two-hour anniversary. 19. Gloat about your future riches, success, and/or righteousness. 20. Show him/her pictures of your dog or cat in costume(s). 21. Tell him/her you are vegetarian AFTER he/she orders oysters for both of you.
Parry claims he wants to try to do ALL of these on a future first date. I say he wouldn't survive past number eleven.
A life without traditions is hardly a life at all. I enjoy traditions of the large-scale variety (such as Christmas, and National Waffle Day) and of the smaller-scale variety (Such as Sego's birthday). Sometimes, you need to create your own traditions to make life more interesting. Well, I do, at least.
To wit: for the past three months or so, I have been dressing with a theme for Church every Sunday. I use clothes I already own, not costume pieces. I try to make the theme as obvious as possible without resorting to anyone that looks too costume-y. It's a magical experiment to find the balance between fashion, symbolism and subtlety. Past themes include:
1. Waitress 2. Catholic schoolgirl 3. Pirate wench 4. Cowgirl 5. The Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland 6. Egyptian princess 7. Lamanite princess 8. Lumberjack wench (Note: If you want to utilize any sort of traditionally "male" theme, simply add "wench" to the theme you have chosen) 9. Edgar Alan Poe (AKA melancholy/black and white) 10. Old lady at a tea party 11. Barbie 12. Medieval beer wench and so on.
Future themes that I am still working on include: 1. Nancy Sinatra 2. Jackie Kennedy 3. The Childlike Empress from Neverending Story but I'm starting to run low on ideas. Any suggestions?
If you submit an idea and I use it, you will receive some sort of tangible/intangible prize.
Several happenings contribute to my general feelings of impotence and despondency today. One, no response from the folks I wrote to yesterday re: getting some non-Mormon support for keeping the WRI open. I knew it was a long shot, but I guess they can't get involved with Mormons in any way, shape or form. Our respective missions are too disparate.
Two. Why does it have to be this way? Why do so many people believe that feminism and the gospel cannot possibly co-exist? I wrote this little guy (which is quite similar to the letter I wrote to Amplify, with a Mormon twist) for a blog I really love, one intended for Mormon feminists, which got some positive and some negative responses. A few accused me of not believing in or trusting the Prophet and Apostles, because they are the executive board of BYU, which logic I have always found completely ridiculous. I believe that Church leaders are inspired, but they don't fast and pray about whether or not to sell mint brownies in the Wilk, for crying out loud. Nor do most decisions about programs at BYU make it all the way up the freeway to Salt Lake. That's not how any university is run. The overarching board, especially if they're also preoccupied with running a worldwide church, hasn't the time to micromanage. This was the administration's decision alone. From what I understand, even the man Cecil himself didn't have much to do with the decision to close the WRI. It stemmed from an internal review board, and from what it sounds like, ended there as well.
Because of this post, I was quoted (As "Elise"--seriously, if you're going to go to the trouble of writing about something I said, double-check my name, yeah? Not that hard.) on this blog. The post wasn't too hard on me, but said a few things that hurt my feelings. Maybe I was being a little sensitive, but check this action out:
"What Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does she belong to that believes in gender equality? The only Mormon church I am aware of makes it clear that women are not equal with men (unless you believe that two groups can be separate but equal, and that by denying women rights given to men, you are actually protecting them)."
Ouch. Not on my behalf, really, but on the Church's. And then it goes further:
"Here is the problem with her [my] analysis: the higher-ups in the bureaucracy that she [me] is railing against here are the General Authorities and the Quorum of the Twelve. You can’t say that when something of this magnitude is being done at 'The Lord’s University' (or less tongue-in-cheek, 'The University of the CoJCoLDS') [Note: I have no idea what that is referencing] that it isn’t reflective of the opinion of the Church as a whole towards women, women’s issues, and feminism. I remain baffled by women who can endure this sort of obvious second-class treatment at the Church authorities hands, while simultaneously arguing that they Church itself is not misogynist.
Although I understand that the author (and others like her) is trying to avoid cog dis, at some point these issues will be more than just academic.
Perhaps she will go to graduate school, and be questioned by her bishop – the authorized 'servant of God' for her salvation – about her 'intentions' with regards to having a family and fulfilling her divine calling of motherhood.
Perhaps she will desire to go on a mission, and her Stake President will restrict her, saying that because she has a (pseudo) boyfriend, that she should be thinking of getting married.
Perhaps she will consider getting a job at BYU, only to discover that her department of choice does not hire women of child-bearing age.
Perhaps she will realize that it is demeaning to women when her 12-year-old son (who still wets the bed) has more 'authority' to act in God’s name than she, as a 50 year old woman, will ever have."
Wh-oa (two syllables). First of all, see my above comments with regard to criticizing BYU = criticizing the Church leadership. If they can't be given credit for every little decision at this university, they can't be blamed for them either. I don't thank God every day for inspiring His servants on earth to build a glass building that looks exactly like a fishbowl, and I don't rail at God in my nightly prayers for not selling Diet Coke on campus either. BYU is owned by the Church, but it's its own institution, with its own unique rules and prerogatives. These, I have found, tend to stem from Mormon culture and not the gospel I know to be true.
I had a very interesting discussion with Brooke about this very topic earlier tonight. But before I get into that, I want to make one thing crystal clear.
Feminism is personal for me. My own mother was terrified at the prospect of me joining this Church because of the prevailing sexist attitudes she had noticed were held by many members of it. My father said that Mormons initially reminded him of a paramilitary group. My mother truly, honestly believed that I would be oppressed and mistreated by men in this institution, and so now, years later, I actually don't blame her for refusing to let me get baptized initially. It's a scary thing to lose your child to another religion, especially one that has such a huge affect on one's lifestyle. However, my mother told me, while I was on my mission, that to her great relief, everything she had taught me about feminism and being a strong, independent, intelligent woman did not get swallowed up in my new faith, but rather integrated into it.
Dang straight. Mormon culture may try to tell me what to do with my life, and possibly even how to do my hair, and members of this Church are as fallible as they were when it first started, but the gospel of Jesus Christ has done NOTHING but make me a better, stronger, happier woman and person. I have a testimony of this gospel. My testimony of this wacky Mormon culture is weak, but that doesn't matter because I don't need one! I deeply resent the assertion that feminism isn't personal for me.
To respond to the four hypotheticals:
"Perhaps she will go to graduate school, and be questioned by her bishop – the authorized 'servant of God' for her salvation – about her 'intentions' with regards to having a family and fulfilling her divine calling of motherhood."
You will recall me saying that sometimes my bishopric has a less than ideal attitude about how women (in my opinion) ought to behave. However, when I announced in Relief Society that I had been chosen for an internship with a linguistics company in Paris, the first counselor in the the Bishopric came up to me and congratulated me. I have never felt discouraged by any of my church leaders when it comes to my education. And particularly not by the higher-ups, who have taught for years that women need to be smart. And not just because stupid women are bad mothers, either, although that's true. Because intelligence is eternal, and so am I.
Additionally, it seems completely illogical to me to conclude that because sometimes a Bishop will say something old-fashioned or insensitive, that therefore the Church he represents cannot possibly be true. Mormons are humans, and humans can be idiots. Let's not hearken back to 14th-century Catholicism, shall we? (Just kidding, Mom!)
"Perhaps she will desire to go on a mission, and her Stake President will restrict her, saying that because she has a (pseudo) boyfriend, that she should be thinking of getting married."
As a matter of fact, I did serve a mission, and dumped a pseudo-boyfriend in order to do so. When I met with my bishop and told him about my desire to serve, he said to me (I will never forget this), "Now, some guys seem to not want to date female returned missionaries. But don't worry about that, because those guys are idiots." Well played, Bishop Sterling, well played. Granted, Church leaders do teach that a mission should not be used to escape from the obligation of finding a spouse. I served with some chicks were were there out of boredom, and it wasn't pretty. But if God tells me to serve a mission, who am I to argue? If he had told me to get married instead, believe me I would have listened.
And again, if imperfect people have no chance for salvation, I am screwed, and so are you. One stake president does not invalidate thousands of years of revelation. That's the beautiful thing about the Atonement: sometimes people make mistakes, and that's OK. The Church is still true.
"Perhaps she will consider getting a job at BYU, only to discover that her department of choice does not hire women of child-bearing age."
Two words should silence you here: Wendy Baker. Check out that CV! And if you're looking for women who aren't single, the WRI faculty has some choice gems for you. According to everyone, all those women will be moving departments rather than losing their jobs. Thanks, hiring freeze!
Perhaps she will realize that it is demeaning to women when her 12-year-old son (who still wets the bed) has more 'authority' to act in God’s name than she, as a 50 year old woman, will ever have.
My senior year of college, my parents and I went out for Indian food on my 18th birthday. I distinctly remember telling my parents about my decision to apply to BYU, which I had previously not even considered. My mother asked me if it would bother me to go to a "patriarchal university where I would have no power." I don't remember how I worded my response exactly, but the summary is this: Not having the Priesthood does not make me feel powerless. Being told that I should feel oppressed by my religion, however, does. The gospel is not demeaning to women, although some ignorant, short-sighted people can be. However, those people are recognizably departing from the truth when they exercise unrighteous dominion over anyone, male or female. The organization of the Church is demeaning to no one unless they choose to see all humans as automatons for whom God has the exact same plan. His desire for all His children is the same, but the way He brings about each child's life is wholly unique and individualized.
I'm not sure if I can articulate this properly. But here goes: it's not that I don't want the Priesthood. Some women say that, and I think it's a little disrespectful. The Priesthood is neat. I like helping people, which is what the Priesthood is all about. I imagine that theoretically, if the Priesthood did one day become available to women, it wouldn't bother me to participate in it. However, I don't need the Priesthood to feel powerful. I feel empowered for plenty of other reasons, many of them related to the potential I feel I have because of being a women, because of my body and my future, as-of-yet unrealized calling as a mother. I feel empowered because I know God made me female for a reason. I do not feel slighted because a twelve year-old boy can pass the Sacrament and I cannot. "Separate but equal" is a crude way of putting it, but to be honest, the notion doesn't bother me, in the same way that some people are ordained to be born in Peru and some are ordained to be born in Hungary. Nobody's challenges or responsibilities are better, they are all just different. I feel that saying that all human beings should have all the same experiences and callings is oversimplistic.
To return to my original point, I see no actual contradiction between feminism and the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Yes, Mormon culture leans toward the conservative, and Mormon women do have a reputation of being a little bit ... plastic. But I am neither conservative nor plastic, and this is my Church too. I did my time as a missionary, I love Jesus Christ, and I live the teachings of this Church with every fiber of my being (little joke).
I don't see why Mormon women can't be everything feminism says women can be.
I love this talk. Joss Whedon is brilliant. And I want to be all of those adjectives he used to describe his mother and his wife. I long to be extraordinary, inspirational, tough, cool, sexy, and funny. I also choose to spend my time with men who, like his father and stepfather, "prize wit and resolve above all things in the women they [are] with." I can be strong and educated and interesting and still sustain President Monson with all my heart. I see no contradiction there. And so many women on both sides can't seem to get their heads around that. Some think I can't possibly be a faithful Latter-day Saint because of some of the opinions I hold. Others see no way of reconciling these aforementioned opinions with LDS dogma. But bless their hearts, Jesus was the ultimate champion of womanhood. His gospel is the greatest honor I can ascribe to. And if some jerk in my future ward thinks I'm a bad wife for not changing my name, that's his problem, not mine. And certainly not God's.
When Brooke and I talked, I asked her, "Would Jesus tell a woman not to get an education, because intelligence drives men away? Would He discourage women from serving missions? Would He call anyone inferior? No, of course He wouldn't."
The gospel of Jesus Christ, in its pure form, when you strip away the Republican party and the culturally ingrained misogyny practiced by some fringe idiots and the jello, is the best thing that could ever happen to any woman. Because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I know what I'm capable of, and it's a lot. I feel an even stronger desire to learn and improve and teach and fix everything bad in the world. I feel connected with everyone on the planet. I will never leave this church. It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I fought to be a part of it. I will fight to stay a part of it. I believe that the best women in the world are acting on Christ's behalf, whether they realize it or not. I believe in a religion that teaches the incredible potential of men and women, not just men with their wives hanging on their coattails.
And I would love to know with an absolute certainty that I am not the only woman who feels this way.
My name is Elisa Anne Koler.I am a senior at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, a famously conservative university owned and operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormons.98% of the student body subscribes to the LDS faith, but we are nevertheless an extremely diverse group of students, ideologically speaking.Of the approximate 30,000 students at BYU, 48% are female, and 2,691 students are enrolled in the Women’s Studies minor, almost 10 percent of the entire student population.At such a conservative, religious school, the fact that we even have a Women’s Studies minor (Although there is no major, unfortunately) is a pretty big deal, and the BYU Women’s Research Institute has contributed enormously to the university community since its founding in 1978.From 2006 to 2008 alone, the WRI funded 132 faculty research publications relating to women.Some of the brightest and most promising students at BYU are involved with this program.
However, on October 29th the BYU Administration issued a press release (that’s what it’s called, but in fact it’s nowhere to be found on the BYU website or in the school newspaper) saying that the WRI is being shut down come January 2010.The Administration claims that they are “streamlining and strengthening” the program but what they’re really doing is removing all funding WRI used to receive and consolidating it into one faculty research grant and a token amount of funding available for students.Most of us found out about this through blogs or other outside media sources rather than through the university itself, and to put it lightly, we’re infuriated.
There’s a reason why this is being kept hush-hush.All major universities have a Women’s Studies Program, and shutting down ours is more than just a bad idea, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.Money is not the issue: BYU receives subsidy from the LDS Church, as well as generous donations from LDS alumni even in this economy.Additionally, 52% of the WRI budget came from outside, non-BYU sources.This is, in short, another attempt by an overtly conservative administration to shut down any “feminist” activities—not because LDS people are anti-feminist, mind you, but because a lack of education makes many people at this institution think feminism is a dirty word.
As a small group of BYU students who believe in the importance of scholarly research devoted to women, we are making as much of a fuss as we can.But this needs to get out.It’s an EPICALLY bad PR move for BYU and by extension for the LDS Church, to shut down this program, and the more people know about this and express their disapproval, the better.
I understand that, most likely, no one from BYU has ever contacted your organization before.I’m sure you’re aware that the vast majority of LDS women are abstinent until marriage, and a large percentage of married women are stay-at-home parents, so it might seem strange that I’m writing to an organization that promotes birth control and sex education with such passion (Both of which, for the record, I am highly in favor of).Just because the choices LDS women make based on our faith are considered old-fashioned, doesn’t mean that we aren’t strong, intelligent women who believe in gender equality and everything else feminism stands for.I am proud to consider myself a feminist, and so do many other men and women at this university.We desperately want for this program to not go the way of several other important programs at this university (such as our International Development minor, another magnet for more liberal and therefore supposedly more dangerous students, which was eliminated recently), and it’s possible that if enough people outside of our community stand up for the WRI, maybe the higher-ups will change their minds.
Please understand that this is not an issue of faith.Most of the students at BYU are faithful adherents to the LDS faith and are not being oppressed or silenced by the Church itself.Rather, it is the bureaucracy at the university level that is the source of the problem for myself and all other like-minded students here.This is a rather personal thing to share in an email, but I have found that my faith is one of the greatest sources of my personal empowerment as a women, and that my religious beliefs and my social beliefs complement rather than contradict each other. For BYU students, the solution is not to abandon our faith, rather to find ways to reconcile the beliefs of another generation to the ideals we uphold with as much fervor as we do our religion.Shutting down our Women’s Research Institute would be a step in the entirely wrong direction.
For more information, here is the official “press release”
Most of us found out because of this article below, from an independent publication run by Mormons, which is unaffiliated with the Church or BYU officially:
These were so crazy they went all the way from weird to funny and then back to weird again.
1. "If you get roofied tonight, give me a call." 2. "You remind me of my ex-wife, except more smart, and more sexy." 3. "I have a porcelain doll at home that looks just like you."
I don't know why, but lately I have been unable to summarize any of the goings-on in my life without resorting to lists. Scroll down if you need any evidence of that. Even some of the posts that aren't actually lists are, in fact, lists of convoluted and unrelated thoughts. How sad for me. Or my writing abilities, rather.
In the discourse style of one Dallin H. Oaks, I will announce my topic at the beginning to avoid confusion. I have something to say about my ward. Ward number 218 of who knows how many, the ward to which I belong.
I moved into the 218th ward fresh off my mission, unsure of what I was returning to and 30 pounds heavier than I was when I left. The only things I had going for me re: my back-to-Provo lifestyle was cheap rent at my new house and a seriously unhealthy relationship with a boy who lived a solid hour away. I moved into a house with five girls I had never met--three were 18 and the other two were also recently returned missionaries. Plus: our house had chickens and a great landlord. Minus: I had no idea what I getting into whatsoever. I don't mean that in a positive way or a negative way, necessarily. It was just a total crapshoot. And we know how many of those work out, roommate-wise.
Fact:this crapshoot paid big. I pretty much loved this ward a lot as soon as I met the people in it. Chandler and Wills were there, friends from my freshman ward whom I hadn't seen in years. My roommates were fun and easygoing, and handled my dramatic break-up and subsequent months of depression with grace and compassion. From February to June, I worked full-time, had no friends, and came home every day only to sit on the floor in my garments and cry. A dark time. But like I said, I lived in the best ward ever, which got me out of my funk a lot faster than I would have otherwise.
This ward saw me through much more than just man woes, mind you. When my parents got divorced, God sent me a Chandler to listen to me vent and remain unperturbed by my swearing. And a Melanee to go with me to the temple grounds and walk around the grass with me, even though I didn't feel like talking. He also sent me a Robbie who read me his poems and never made fun of me for crying in front of him. Although now he occasionally teases me for only calling my hometeachers when I have big problems. Touche.
Anyway, I should not neglect to mention that about ten of us in the ward (I may be overestimating, but it FELT like about ten) were vegetarian, and the good man in charge of Break the Fast (the only church activity I attend with any regularity--I'm sort of a Weekend Mormon in that way) was conscientious of us and always made sure that there was vegetarian food available. Thanks again, Greg. All of my close friends with whom I spent any significant amount of time were in that ward, at least once Ashley and Brooke moved in. It was like Heaven for a while.
I should point out that all was not perfect in Zion, however. There were two very distinct social groups in the old ward: one of the fairly standard, khaki-wearing Mormon kids (who were nevertheless older than average and thus tolerable) and the gay/herbivore/weirdo kids. Only one of us that I can think of moved between the two groups with any great success*. However, laws of civility and mutual tolerance prevailed as long as no one brought up politics in Sunday School. Specifically evolution. And God help you if you did. Seriously, though, this was a really amazing ward. I loved it.
Then came August, a time of great sorrow not only due to the imminent loss of Gordon, but a change in command at the Bishopric level. I loved Bishop Andrus, who was an introverted, outdoorsy, non-meddlesome kind of guy. Kind of like Mister Rogers meets Jeff Corwin. This is not to say that our new bishop is the opposite of that, I'm just saying that I really, really liked our old one.
Anyway, our new bishop, bless his heart, looks exactly likes Daddy Warbucks and reminds me a bit of him, personality-wise. I find him very intimidating, and he tends to put a lot of pressure on his ward-ees (?), which Bishop Andrus never did. This new bishopric puts a LOT of emphasis on dating, and getting married, and fulfilling "appropriate" gender roles (which I could write another entire tome about, luckily I'm tired so I'll spare you).
As if that change weren't enough to deal with, the Stake Presidency (also new) changed all the ward boundaries, and moved all my friends into the next ward over, leaving me all alone. I went to Bishop Warbucks and asked if I could move to that ward, too, especially since the bishop of that ward used to be in our bishopric and I already know and like him. But he fed some some lines about rules being rules and making new friends, and that was the end of that. Fascists.
Just kidding! I don't want to sound like I have a bad attitude. I'm doing the best I can, and frankly, I'm a little grateful that my current ward situation is such that I won't be terribly sad to leave it in a few months. I know that sounds awful, but I think God is just trying to make moving a little easier for me. You can't be blissfully happy forever. God always notices.
So now I'm in a ward where I am the only weirdo (well, one of two ... and there's one other, but he works on Sundays). I spend a lot of time during the flirting lessons (no joke) in Relief Society rolling my eyes or reading the Bible Dictionary. I may take up knitting again.
All this background information and whining is meant to make the following statement all the more amazing and miraculous:
Last Sunday, I sat through Ward Conference and Relief Society and I didn't cringe once.
Either the ward is getting better or I am getting more tolerant to Mormon cultural quirks.
1. Committing a crime against the Government. 2. Fornicating. 3. Experimenting with alcohol or drugs. 4. Rebelling against my parents. 5. Rebelling against the Church. 6. Encouraging others to fornicate. 7. Downloading porn. 8. Building bombs.
Things I HAVE resorted to out of boredom:
1. Baking cornbread. 2. Creating a Facebook page for my dog. 3. Riding my bike down the street while singing "I think I see the light" by Cat Stevens at the top of my lungs.
I may not always obey that silly Honor Code to the letter.
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