So in case you've been out of the loop, my mom is in love. She's quitting her job and moving to Phoenix this summer to move in with a guy named Dave. I don't know his last name. I'm delighted for her, really, it's just a little strange. He owns two houses and used to raise English Bulldogs as a hobby. My roommates and I speculate that he is actually an Italian count who must marry to keep the family fortune. Whatever. What's really important is that she's happy.
However, there are some things I will NEVER, EVER feel like discussing with my mom. Sex is one of them. I'm sorry! I know it's old-fashioned.
Although, for full disclosure's sake, when I was five and my mom explained to me about sex, I thought it sounded so interesting that I asked her if she had some examples I could watch. True story.
Moving right along...
The other night I was talking to my mom, and she was telling me about the wonderful weekend she had spent with her new beau in Seattle. I was curious, but too afraid to ask, where he had stayed while he was in town. But don't worry. My mom filled me in.
Mom: And then we went out to dinner and back to the hotel, and I don't know what much of this you want to know ... but I stayed with him and--
Me: THAT'S ENOUGH THAT'S ENOUGH THAT'S ENOUGH AUGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Seriously, if I hadn't been driving I think I would have thrown my phone OUT THE WINDOW.
Yes, I'm immature. And it's also embarrassing that my 63 year-old mother is getting more weekend action than I am. Dear Lord.