An incomplete list I made in the MTC. It's as true now as it was then.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ON MY MISSION
1. I am not as funny as Cori thinks I am (7/5)
2. Silence is not unpleasant (7/6)
3. Missionaries are people, except they are on a mission (7/6)
4. Most men don't realize what they are doing wrong, so you have to tell them (7/9)
5. The reason why I shower so much is because I smell (7/16)
30 July, 2008
WOE, Woe, woe
So once upon a time there was this boy I really liked, and we were very close and I kinda wanted to marry him. Then we didn't get married, yet remained friends. Yesterday this boy informed me (and this was the classy thing to do, in my opinion) that he is engaged. He has only known the girl for a few months.
Describing how I feel about this is pointless because you can probably guess anyway. I am very SURPRISED that things are happening so suddenly. I am HAPPY for him because he is my friend, but I am SAD that he told me so many times that he had no interest in getting married, when clearly what he meant to say is that he had no interest in marrying me. I am JEALOUS not so much of the girl he is marrying, but just of the fact that another friend is getting married and leaving me behind. I am also a little ANGRY at Providence for being so ironic, for it really does seem that the best thing to do in order to get married is to have no desire to get married.
Anyway, you would think that going to the temple would make me feel better, right? Being in the Lord's house, a place of comfort and serenity, yada yada. However, possibly because I am so wicked, this was not at all the case. Because the temple belongs to the Lord, but all its primary shareholders are couples who are maddeningly, sickeningly in love.
I was in charge of seating people in the chapel tonight. Every few minutes, a couple would walk in holding hands, gazing at each other. My, isn't it grand to be in love, they said to me with their body language. We are our own happy little world of love. It made me sick.
Then, every so often, a handsome young man would walk in alone. Every so often a lovely young woman, but we all know women take longer to get dressed so it was usually a man. He would sit down alone for a few moments, and then a young woman would walk in. His little face would light up. They would join the Zombies of the Living in Love people.
I love to watch couples, normally. Pairs are a fascinating part of nature, and it usually does me good to see how many unremarkable people find true love. But tonight it made me angry. Why do so many unremarkable people find love whereas I, who am considered legitimately remarkable by some, have yet to do so? It's not fair. And then Satan came into my head (I know! At the temple, no less! How does he do that? He sucks.)
Satan (who looked a lot like Elizabeth Hurley in tonight's manifestation): You go home every night and drink your chocolate soy milk and write in your little blog. And you go to bed and wonder why you are alone and no one loves you. And you cry.
Me: Not every night ...
And so I cried in the temple. Well, teared up. It's a good thing I didn't full-out cry, because when I really get going I have an asthma attack, and that's just embarrassing. But I have never felt so alone in a room full of people in my entire life. And I have had a lot of opportunities in my life to feel that way.
The thing is, I'm not picky. Really I'm not. I think I could make it work with almost anyone. I don't even want romance. Romance is for sissies who are offended by X-Men. What I want is companionship. Loyalty. Someone to go grocery shopping with. And for someone's face to light up when I walk in the room. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Describing how I feel about this is pointless because you can probably guess anyway. I am very SURPRISED that things are happening so suddenly. I am HAPPY for him because he is my friend, but I am SAD that he told me so many times that he had no interest in getting married, when clearly what he meant to say is that he had no interest in marrying me. I am JEALOUS not so much of the girl he is marrying, but just of the fact that another friend is getting married and leaving me behind. I am also a little ANGRY at Providence for being so ironic, for it really does seem that the best thing to do in order to get married is to have no desire to get married.
Anyway, you would think that going to the temple would make me feel better, right? Being in the Lord's house, a place of comfort and serenity, yada yada. However, possibly because I am so wicked, this was not at all the case. Because the temple belongs to the Lord, but all its primary shareholders are couples who are maddeningly, sickeningly in love.
I was in charge of seating people in the chapel tonight. Every few minutes, a couple would walk in holding hands, gazing at each other. My, isn't it grand to be in love, they said to me with their body language. We are our own happy little world of love. It made me sick.
Then, every so often, a handsome young man would walk in alone. Every so often a lovely young woman, but we all know women take longer to get dressed so it was usually a man. He would sit down alone for a few moments, and then a young woman would walk in. His little face would light up. They would join the Zombies of the Living in Love people.
I love to watch couples, normally. Pairs are a fascinating part of nature, and it usually does me good to see how many unremarkable people find true love. But tonight it made me angry. Why do so many unremarkable people find love whereas I, who am considered legitimately remarkable by some, have yet to do so? It's not fair. And then Satan came into my head (I know! At the temple, no less! How does he do that? He sucks.)
Satan (who looked a lot like Elizabeth Hurley in tonight's manifestation): You go home every night and drink your chocolate soy milk and write in your little blog. And you go to bed and wonder why you are alone and no one loves you. And you cry.
Me: Not every night ...
And so I cried in the temple. Well, teared up. It's a good thing I didn't full-out cry, because when I really get going I have an asthma attack, and that's just embarrassing. But I have never felt so alone in a room full of people in my entire life. And I have had a lot of opportunities in my life to feel that way.
The thing is, I'm not picky. Really I'm not. I think I could make it work with almost anyone. I don't even want romance. Romance is for sissies who are offended by X-Men. What I want is companionship. Loyalty. Someone to go grocery shopping with. And for someone's face to light up when I walk in the room. That's not too much to ask, is it?
28 July, 2008
Family Home Awkward
Tonight I went to family home evening most unwillingly, because I was (am?) in a bad mood and I felt like sitting home and stewing about it. Then I decided that there was a possibility, though unlikely, of Family Home Evening cheering me up.
And how! Tonight we made balloon animals. Unfortunately, I am not artistically talented enough to make a balloon animal that doesn't vaguely resemble mutilated genitalia. Also, I cracked up like an eight year old whenever any member of my group ran his or her hand down the un-animal-ified phallus of balloon. Classic. I am so childish. But I think it cheered me up.
Photos of my balloon:
It was originally supposed to be a crab, but then it was just weird.
And how! Tonight we made balloon animals. Unfortunately, I am not artistically talented enough to make a balloon animal that doesn't vaguely resemble mutilated genitalia. Also, I cracked up like an eight year old whenever any member of my group ran his or her hand down the un-animal-ified phallus of balloon. Classic. I am so childish. But I think it cheered me up.
Photos of my balloon:
It was originally supposed to be a crab, but then it was just weird.
School days, school days ...
I am in the process of perfecting my fall class schedule, and I am almost done. Whenever people ask me what my favorite holiday is, I always say New Year's (because I like dressing glam, and it's the only holiday that involves dancing ... plus it makes me sound cooler than I actually am), but the sad truth is: my favorite day of the year is the first day of school. Which is great for me because sometimes it comes twice a year! Maybe even three times!
I could go into why the first day of school is so satisfying, but be honest, you know, right? Bringing your spanking new textbook to class with nary a mark in it (unless you're me and that book is about English Grammar ... but I've said too much already). Trying to figure out if the professor is lax or fascist. Scoping out classmates of the maler sex. Ooohhh. I want to sit by him. There is no novelty even if you've taken the class before or had the teacher before. I could go to school for the rest of my life and never get tired of the first day of school.
I am pretty down to the wire. Only three semesters left. I am pretty far done in my program--only upper level electives left in my major, and just a few classes short of my actual minor (as opposed to the one I made up). I also have a few GEs that I have been putting off, which I plan to satisfy with the least painful classes possible. Good-bye, Physical Science for Dummies. Hello, Astronomy. I arranged my class schedule so I am free to model Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I am hoping and praying that my employer will let me go come September, and I can return to the stress-free bliss of selling my body for lots and lots of money. Well, the opportunity to create art resembling my body, at least.
I mentioned having a minor that I made up. Let me explain. I started out as an English Major, but I really wanted to study the historical development of English, so I added a double major of Classics. Latin and Greek and all that jazz. I took two years of Latin and absolutely hated it. The thought of learning Greek made me want to cry. It still does. Then I learned of a little major called the English Language major. The linguistics of English? Sign me up!
I no longer want to be a writer, per se. That is, I will always be a writer, but I won't delude myself into thinking that I will be Johnny Depp sitting in front of a typewriter all day in some cabin. I want to be an editor. But I want to publish my own books too. Here comes the made-up minor: they don't have a creative writing minor here. Can you believe it? So I made up my own. It's basically an English minor, except with all the poetry classes I want. *sniff* I'm soooo happy.
I could go into why the first day of school is so satisfying, but be honest, you know, right? Bringing your spanking new textbook to class with nary a mark in it (unless you're me and that book is about English Grammar ... but I've said too much already). Trying to figure out if the professor is lax or fascist. Scoping out classmates of the maler sex. Ooohhh. I want to sit by him. There is no novelty even if you've taken the class before or had the teacher before. I could go to school for the rest of my life and never get tired of the first day of school.
I am pretty down to the wire. Only three semesters left. I am pretty far done in my program--only upper level electives left in my major, and just a few classes short of my actual minor (as opposed to the one I made up). I also have a few GEs that I have been putting off, which I plan to satisfy with the least painful classes possible. Good-bye, Physical Science for Dummies. Hello, Astronomy. I arranged my class schedule so I am free to model Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I am hoping and praying that my employer will let me go come September, and I can return to the stress-free bliss of selling my body for lots and lots of money. Well, the opportunity to create art resembling my body, at least.
I mentioned having a minor that I made up. Let me explain. I started out as an English Major, but I really wanted to study the historical development of English, so I added a double major of Classics. Latin and Greek and all that jazz. I took two years of Latin and absolutely hated it. The thought of learning Greek made me want to cry. It still does. Then I learned of a little major called the English Language major. The linguistics of English? Sign me up!
I no longer want to be a writer, per se. That is, I will always be a writer, but I won't delude myself into thinking that I will be Johnny Depp sitting in front of a typewriter all day in some cabin. I want to be an editor. But I want to publish my own books too. Here comes the made-up minor: they don't have a creative writing minor here. Can you believe it? So I made up my own. It's basically an English minor, except with all the poetry classes I want. *sniff* I'm soooo happy.
27 July, 2008
Inside Joke
My friend Robbie is totally lame. When I want to sleep and try to get him to talk to me so I can fall asleep easier, he doesn't even help me. What a really bad friend. I mean after all I've done for him. We are like super tight and we even have a secret handshake ... and he won't help me when I really need him. Lame. Lame lame lame lame lame. To the nth power he is lame. I mean geez.
26 July, 2008
This dog needs a good home, and I think I want to give him one.
Adorable, no? Found him on craigslist.
"Free dog to good home. He is a mutt, but a very sweet and well behaved one. Great with other dogs and pets. He is about three and a half years old. Has shots and been neutered. House broken and does not chew. He is a very mild mannered dog and does best in a quiet environment. But don't let that fool you, he loves hiking and anything outdoors. Answers to Duke or Doofus Marie."
I rock the Newberry Award List
(though perhaps not as much as I thought)
2008: Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! Voices from a Medieval Village by Laura Amy Schlitz
2007: The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron, illus. by Matt Phelan
2006: Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins
2005: Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata
2004: The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup, and a Spool of Thread by Kate DiCamillo
2003: Crispin: The Cross of Lead by Avi
2002: A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park
2001: A Year Down Yonder by Richard Peck
2000: Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis
1999: Holes by Louis Sachar
1998: Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse
1997: The View from Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg
1996: The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman
1995: Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
1994: The Giver by Lois Lowry
1993: Missing May by Cynthia Rylant
1992: Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
1991: Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
1990: Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
1989: Joyful Noise: Poems for Two Voices by Paul Fleischman
1988: Lincoln: A Photobiography by Russell Freedman
1987: The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman
1986: Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
1985: The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley
1984: Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary
1983: Dicey's Song by Cynthia Voigt
1982: A Visit to William Blake's Inn: Poems for Innocent and Experienced Travelers by Nancy Willard
1981: Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson
1980: A Gathering of Days: A New England Girl's Journal, 1830-1832 by Joan W. Blos
1979: The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
1978: Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
1977: Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor
1976: The Grey King by Susan Cooper
1975: M. C. Higgins, the Great by Virginia Hamilton
1974: The Slave Dancer by Paula Fox
1973: Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
1972: Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien
1971: Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars
1970: Sounder by William H. Armstrong
1969: The High King by Lloyd Alexander
1968: From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
1967: Up a Road Slowly by Irene Hunt
1966: I, Juan de Pareja by Elizabeth Borton de Trevino
1965: Shadow of a Bull by Maia Wojciechowska
1964: It's Like This, Cat by Emily Neville
1963: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
1962: The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare
1961: Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
1960: Onion John by Joseph Krumgold
1959: The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
1958: Rifles for Watie by Harold Keith
1957: Miracles on Maple Hill by Virginia Sorensen
1956: Carry On, Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee Latham
1955: The Wheel on the School by Meindert DeJong
1954: ...And Now Miguel by Joseph Krumgold
1953: Secret of the Andes by Ann Nolan Clark
1952: Ginger Pye by Eleanor Estes
1951: Amos Fortune, Free Man by Elizabeth Yates
1950: The Door in the Wall by Marguerite de Angeli
1949: King of the Wind by Marguerite Henry
1948: The Twenty-One Balloons by William Pène du Bois
1947: Miss Hickory by Carolyn Sherwin Bailey
1946: Strawberry Girl by Lois Lenski
1945: Rabbit Hill by Robert Lawson
1944: Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
1943: Adam of the Road by Elizabeth Janet Gray
1942: The Matchlock Gun by Walter Edmonds
1941: Call It Courage by Armstrong Sperry
1940: Daniel Boone by James Daugherty
1939: Thimble Summer by Elizabeth Enright
1938: The White Stag by Kate Seredy
1937: Roller Skates by Ruth Sawyer
1936: Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
1935: Dobry by Monica Shannon
1934: Invincible Louisa: The Story of the Author of Little Women by Cornelia Meigs
1933: Young Fu of the Upper Yangtze by Elizabeth Lewis
1932: Waterless Mountain by Laura Adams Armer
1931: The Cat Who Went to Heaven by Elizabeth Coatsworth
1930: Hitty, Her First Hundred Years by Rachel Field
1929: The Trumpeter of Krakow by Eric P. Kelly
1928: Gay Neck, the Story of a Pigeon by Dhan Gopal Mukerji
1927: Smoky, the Cowhorse by Will James
1926: Shen of the Sea by Arthur Bowie Chrisman
1925: Tales from Silver Lands by Charles Finger
1924: The Dark Frigate by Charles Hawes
1923: The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle by Hugh Lofting
1922: The Story of Mankind by Hendrik Willem van Loon
2008: Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! Voices from a Medieval Village by Laura Amy Schlitz
2007: The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron, illus. by Matt Phelan
2006: Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins
2005: Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata
2004: The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup, and a Spool of Thread by Kate DiCamillo
2003: Crispin: The Cross of Lead by Avi
2002: A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park
2001: A Year Down Yonder by Richard Peck
2000: Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis
1999: Holes by Louis Sachar
1998: Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse
1997: The View from Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg
1996: The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman
1995: Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
1994: The Giver by Lois Lowry
1993: Missing May by Cynthia Rylant
1992: Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
1991: Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
1990: Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
1989: Joyful Noise: Poems for Two Voices by Paul Fleischman
1988: Lincoln: A Photobiography by Russell Freedman
1987: The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman
1986: Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
1985: The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley
1984: Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary
1983: Dicey's Song by Cynthia Voigt
1982: A Visit to William Blake's Inn: Poems for Innocent and Experienced Travelers by Nancy Willard
1981: Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson
1980: A Gathering of Days: A New England Girl's Journal, 1830-1832 by Joan W. Blos
1979: The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
1978: Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
1977: Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor
1976: The Grey King by Susan Cooper
1975: M. C. Higgins, the Great by Virginia Hamilton
1974: The Slave Dancer by Paula Fox
1973: Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
1972: Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien
1971: Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars
1970: Sounder by William H. Armstrong
1969: The High King by Lloyd Alexander
1968: From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
1967: Up a Road Slowly by Irene Hunt
1966: I, Juan de Pareja by Elizabeth Borton de Trevino
1965: Shadow of a Bull by Maia Wojciechowska
1964: It's Like This, Cat by Emily Neville
1963: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
1962: The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare
1961: Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
1960: Onion John by Joseph Krumgold
1959: The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
1958: Rifles for Watie by Harold Keith
1957: Miracles on Maple Hill by Virginia Sorensen
1956: Carry On, Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee Latham
1955: The Wheel on the School by Meindert DeJong
1954: ...And Now Miguel by Joseph Krumgold
1953: Secret of the Andes by Ann Nolan Clark
1952: Ginger Pye by Eleanor Estes
1951: Amos Fortune, Free Man by Elizabeth Yates
1950: The Door in the Wall by Marguerite de Angeli
1949: King of the Wind by Marguerite Henry
1948: The Twenty-One Balloons by William Pène du Bois
1947: Miss Hickory by Carolyn Sherwin Bailey
1946: Strawberry Girl by Lois Lenski
1945: Rabbit Hill by Robert Lawson
1944: Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
1943: Adam of the Road by Elizabeth Janet Gray
1942: The Matchlock Gun by Walter Edmonds
1941: Call It Courage by Armstrong Sperry
1940: Daniel Boone by James Daugherty
1939: Thimble Summer by Elizabeth Enright
1938: The White Stag by Kate Seredy
1937: Roller Skates by Ruth Sawyer
1936: Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
1935: Dobry by Monica Shannon
1934: Invincible Louisa: The Story of the Author of Little Women by Cornelia Meigs
1933: Young Fu of the Upper Yangtze by Elizabeth Lewis
1932: Waterless Mountain by Laura Adams Armer
1931: The Cat Who Went to Heaven by Elizabeth Coatsworth
1930: Hitty, Her First Hundred Years by Rachel Field
1929: The Trumpeter of Krakow by Eric P. Kelly
1928: Gay Neck, the Story of a Pigeon by Dhan Gopal Mukerji
1927: Smoky, the Cowhorse by Will James
1926: Shen of the Sea by Arthur Bowie Chrisman
1925: Tales from Silver Lands by Charles Finger
1924: The Dark Frigate by Charles Hawes
1923: The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle by Hugh Lofting
1922: The Story of Mankind by Hendrik Willem van Loon
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