CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (In lieu of Christmas cards this year)

Not that I've ever done those, either.

Please download and listen to these songs while imagine one of the following scenarios:

1. We are driving together on a stretch of highway, singing these songs at the top of our lungs.
2. We are sitting by a fire, drinking chocolate soy milk and talking about politics.
3. We are knitting socks in a loft and eating fresh vegetables.

I think that covers everyone. Enjoy. xoxo

Click here to download 

The kind of woman I want to be is:

"The woman of the future, who is really being born today, will be a woman completely free of guilt for creating and for self-development. She will be a woman in harmony with her own strength, not necessarily called masculine or eccentric or something unnatural. I imagine she will be very tranquil about her strength and her serenity, a woman who will know how to talk to children and to the men who sometimes fear her... The woman of the future will never try to live vicariously through the man, and urge and push him to despair, to fulfill something that she should really be doing herself. So that is my first image -- she is not aggressive, she is serene, she is sure, she is confident, she is able to develop her skills, she is able to ask for space for herself."

Anais Nin, 1976, quoted in this article.

Also this:

Cake - Short Skirt/Long Jacket (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Cakes

There Ain't No Room in My Cell Phone Plan for You.

My friend Aaron is pretty much a pop star. He made this video.

Aaron's been in a band for a pretty long time (Eyes Lips Eyes, nee Elizabethan Report) but he has an album coming out soon that's all his solo stuff. It's all this danceable. And I wrote the liner notes.

Also, he's one of the nicest fellas you could ever ask for. Five stars.

P.S. I don't know if this is intentional, but this video was directed by a Matt Heder, and Fresh Big Mouf's persona in this vid is very Napoleon Dynamite-esque. Coincidence?

EDIT: Speaking of coincidences, TODAY is Aaron's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

Not Being Naked: day 28

I can't believe this project is nearly done!

other white shirt + denim skirt + fake snakeskin shoes + other pearl necklace (was my mom's)

This was a cute outfit, but it was NOT AT ALL appropriate for the rock show I attended after my doctor's appointment. I looked like a square. Oh well.

These boys and girl still put on a hell of a show.

Not Being Naked: day 3

This is actually for yesterday (Wednesday) because I just got home.

My ability to take mirror photos is improving, yes?

Denim skirt + neon green shirt + long blue sweater + Joseph and Mary necklace (it was my mom's) + neon green ring (gift from Carlos, possibly from a cereal box) + black hooker boots = 9/10

(-1 because you could see down my shirt)

1. Today's outfit needed to be versatile because I was going both to work and a show* at a tavern. Also, it really needed to be comfortable. It totally was.

2. I probably should have worn a warmer sweater.

3. Some people make fun of this shirt, but I like it.

*Pacific Nomadic. They are a good band. You should check them out if you like indie music and stuff. My friend drums for them and he is a good drummer.

A Sad Thing.

Lots of good things happened today, but that's not what I'm thinking about right now.

All throughout today, I kept thinking about how Eazy-E died. I don't know why his death was on my mind today in particular. He died in 1995.

If you don't know who Eazy-E was you can read a bit about his life here. He was an incredibly gifted rapper who rapped about what he knew best: dealing drugs, gang violence, and lonely sex.*

In February 1995, he went to the doctor because he hadn't been feeling well for a while. He thought it was asthma. It turned out to be AIDS. Not HIV. Full-blown AIDS. He died a month later. He was 31.

The more I think about it, the sadder it makes me. Not only that he died of a horrible disease at a time where no long-term treatment existed, but also that he had such a destructive relationship with his body that he didn't realize how sick he was until it was too late. He had such a sad, short life.

I like to think about Jesus hanging out with Eazy and Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. in Heaven. I think they would all have a good time. It's a lot less satisfying to picture Him with Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob. They had their turn earlier, right?

*I might be projecting there. But it always sounded lonely to me.

Anyone need cheering up?

This should do it. Delightful.

It took me a second ... wait ... how do I know that voice ... JOHN RATZENBERGER!!

I was a little young for Cheers, OK?

CRUSHEZ

Remember when I was like sorry guys, I post way too many videos, and I promise I'm going to start posting more things of value?

Forget that. How can I stop posting when such videos exist, videos of Joseph Gordon-Levitt looking so handsome and covering Lady Gaga AND Aretha Franklin?

I could never withhold such videos from the people I love.

In which I prove something definitively.

David and I have an ongoing debate that will likely never be resolved. The debate is thus: which of Christopher Nolan's movies is better, the Dark Knight or Inception? I vehemently argue for the former, my brother for the latter.

This might make me some enemies in the online world, but frankly, I do not care. I liked Inception, but I did not find it the mind-blowing experience many other people did. I predicted the ending when I read a review of Inception on Slate--which isn't to say that I'm especially smart, just that the ending was that predictable.

Also, I am getting sick and tired of Leonardo DiCaprio's furrowed brows. He is going to look eighty years old in a few months.

Conversely, the Dark Knight is not only comic book-licious, it has Heath Ledger in the role of a lifetime. Also, Christian Bale in button-down shirts. Some actual surprises. And characters who are actually memorable instead of just "Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a vest" and "the girl from Juno playing a student of architecture."

To indicate how precisely my thumb rests on the pulse of American film, I found this email that I sent to Bob in February when I was sick. I have no memory of this dream or of writing him this email, so I must have been REALLY sick.

"Today I went to sleep and I had this CRAZY dream in which I had CRAZY dreams and worried that I was maybe CRAZY (in the meta-dream). Then I woke up five hours later and Facebook was different and my fever had broken. Maybe I am better now??????"

So basically, I and everybody else already knew Inception existed before it did. Ergo, Dark Knight is better. Now all I have to do is show this to my brother.

Also, this is a cool song about a dream. I have dreams about my future children as well. (I assume that is who they are.)

On weddings.

I used to dread my own wedding. I am not much one for "special days," if that makes any sense, mostly because of the added pressure for everything to be perfect that often leads to everyone freaking out instead of enjoying the special day, which was the purpose of the special day to begin with. I always assumed that weddings cannot be fun--at least not for the bride and groom. They are usually too tired and stressed and stretched to the limit to remember anything, let alone enjoy it.

However, last night I went to my cousin's wedding, and I remembered why special days are actually kind of nice. The bride and groom actually seemed to be enjoying themselves.

She looked beautiful. He was wearing a suit. Everybody in my family was there and dressed up and sitting together. Another cousin read a poem. Another made a drunken toast. We ate hummus and dolma and feta cheese and did a Turkish dance in a circle. Everybody got drunker and drunker and danced more and more stupidly (including me, though I was not drunk) and it was just a big, crazy party.

I know I have been writing a lot about how badass and gorgeous and fantastic my family is, but that is because it is true.

Also, I am TOTALLY playing this song on my wedding slideshow.

Tom Waits Wednesday

Don't you EVER forget how awesome this guy is.

Truly Outrageous

Raise your hand if you remember this show:

I don't remember it super well either, frankly. But I do remember that I had a Jem Girls lunch box. I wish I still had it ... it's probably worth money.

As it true with lots of pop music, all of Jem's songs pretty much sound the same.

The other night, my pals and I were hanging out in our pajamas, eating sugary cereal and watching 80s cartoons (you wish you were this cool). While we were watching the first few episodes of this fabulous show, we started discussing the incredible music videos that punctuate each episode. Sometimes two or three per half hour!

Bob: You realize that someone actually sat down and WROTE these songs?

Me: I can do that.

Bob: Could you?

Me: Give me a topic and I will write a pop song right now.

Bob: Before the end of this episode? [note: the episode was nearly over]

Me: Sure.

Bob: OK ... um ... the Burmese conflict!

I finished it while the credits were rolling. Thelma, I dedicate this pop song to you.

The Burmese Conflict

Once we lived in peace and harmony

in our homes and with our families

But then it became hard to be Burmese

Chorus:

Yeah, it's hard to be Burmese

out in the cold, we sob and sneeze.

Western world, we're on our knees

please bring justice to the Burmese

Once the Karens and Buddhists sat down to tea

united in our love of democracy

But then the violence of the BSPP

led to political hostility

Help our people to be free!

Chorus:

Yeah, it's hard to be Burmese

out in the cold, we sob and sneeze.

Western world, we're on our knees

please bring justice to the Burmese

I think I will drop out of school and become independently wealthy as a writer of pop songs. Don't worry, I will use my wealth to take down oppressive political regimes.

Fam Damily.

Do you like MC Frontalot? I do. I especially like this song. It amuses me that I am sharing it here.

Great, yes? Nerdcore fills my soul.

So there are various genres of bad blogs, if you will, but one of my least favorites is the "album"-style blog, which consists exclusively of photos from personally significant events (usually vacations or some such) with minimal commentary, and no word-based posts to break the monotony of facefacefacebuildingbuildingSILLYfaceOMGSOBORING. Some people should just start a Flickr account, know what I'm saying?

If you think I am talking about you, I am not.

Anyway, I went on vacation last week and I regret to inform you that I am going to post some pictures now. Don't worry, though, I will also post some stories to keep things interesting.

The stories and the picture are not going to match most of the time. What, you think I need to post a photo of me white-water rafting if I am already GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN VIVID DETAIL WITH MY WORDS? I don't have to prove anything to you through photographic evidence. I'm not a freakin' journalist.

Ahem. Last week we had a family reunion at the Skalitude Retreat in Methow Valley, WA. It's in Carlton if you know where that is. You don't? Well, Carlton is kinda near Winthrop? Still no? Well, it's like three hours northeast-ish of Seattle. It has trees, but rattlesnakes, so it's like this weird mix of Western Washington and Eastern Washington. The retreat center had cabins with showers and electricity, but solar power and composting toilets, so it was also this weird mix of living large like swanky vacationers and being green. It used to be a commune. Also, lots of us slept in tents, so it was kind of like camping.

I should preface this by saying that my extended family is quite close, and we actually enjoy spending time together, and so a family reunion for us is something to be looked forward to rather than dreaded. I have anecdotal evidence that this is somewhat unusual.

We were there from Saturday to Friday. It was very pleasant.

David and I drove there all by ourselves like big kids.

David is driving here.

We brought Sego along with us, too. Here is a photo series about Sego's attitude on long car trips.

I get to go on a car ride? I promise to be very very good.

Seriously, we're not there yet?

We're never going to get there, are we? Not ever ever.

Luckily, Sego can't talk, so he can't complain. This is a rare instance where Kids = 0, Dogs = +1.

Volleyball

One of the main pastimes of Koler Family Reunions is the playing of volleyball. Nobody in my family is all that good at volleyball, and yet because we are as a general rule pretty competitive people, most of the volleyball tournament players are out for blood. Even myself, even though I suck at volleyball (having two eyes would up my advantages some). I like winning, and I would say the team I played on won about 50% of the time, which isn't bad. My trash talk, however, was awesome 100% of the time.

We played boys versus girls, shirts (or bras) versus skins, and random selection games. I got noticeably better at setting after an errant hit knocked over someone's beer and pandemonium ensued. Many of my family members gave me some HOT TIPS and explained some of the rules that I had never really understood, so overall the daily volleyball playing was a success. Also, there were millions of flies that landed on our bare skin and made us feel like barnyard animals while we played. They didn't bite, they were just annoying.

Fact: I am good at serving.

Here are some photos of the meadow where we played volleyball and where I walked Sego on a regular basis until I heard a rattlesnake one day and got a little paranoid about him being bitten. He basically had the best vacation ever. No leashes, three other dogs to play with, and lots of attention from kids and adults alike.

Remember that one week in August when I lived on a commune with my family and went for a walk every day in a gorgeous meadow? Yeah, me too. Also, I have since cleaned my camera lens.

Rafting and Trauma

I had never been white water rafting before, but David and my dad had been a few times (boy scouts). Two of my cousins are actually licensed river guides, so we got to go rafting for cheap and I got to be yelled at for my bad paddling form by a relative instead of a stranger. Paddling a raft is really counter-intuitive, I feel. Maybe I have just spent too much time in a canoe. I think I need to go a few more times before paddling will make sense to me kinesthetically.

Despite my lack of paddling prowess, rafting was extremely fun until the last fifteen minutes of the trip. Until then we were all enjoying the sun on our skin and watching the kids pull the adults into the water and float around in their life jackets. Then suddenly we approached some rapids that we weren't expecting and all but seven of us were out of the boats. There wasn't any time to reach the people who were in the water, so they had to just float through. Watching my eleven year-old cousin's head go underwater in a rapid two or three times scared the SHIT out of me. Luckily he was fine except for some bruises. He was actually the least panicked of all of us.

A couple of the adults who weren't as buoyant as the kids got banged up a little more. My uncle who is a doctor got the worst of it. I don't think he'll be going white water rafting again anytime soon.

Aside from the fifteen minutes of sheer terror and thinking that my uncle was dead when we pulled him into the boat and he had his eyes closed, it was a successful trip? Is it sick that I really do want to go again?

This is not the river we went rafting in, but it is a river.

We Have Angered the River Gods

So after that kinda scary day of rafting, we thought we would recover the next day by doing something quiet and relaxing in the river. Apparently, the river sprites do not like my family.

We planned to drive a couple miles up the river, park our cars, and then float down the river in rafts and inner tubes until we reached the swimming hole where the little kids and less adventurous adults would be hanging out. The only problem is, we couldn't find a place alongside the river to park, so we ended up driving a little further than we planned.

My cousin from Sweden and I were in a raft together, and while we floated along we had a great chat about pretty much everything you can think of. We had a pretty nice raft so we ended up getting ahead of everyone else (who were in inner tubes and a sucky raft, respectively). At one point, we realized that we had been in the water much longer than the two hours that we had planned, and my aunt mentioned that she and I ought to paddle ahead and send someone with a car to pick everyone else up.

Pretty soon she and I were floating in the raft alone, with no end in sight, with no food or water or other people. I don't remember what else happened because we were both delirious with the heat.

Eventually we arrived at our destination after over four hours. We were both really sick, but luckily another cousin gave us the clothes off his back (literally) and someone else brought us hummus and beer (because beer will hydrate you! wait ... ).

I do not think I will do another activity involving boating in rivers for a few months.

Aftermath

If you know me, you know that I hardly ever complain of being hot. I am almost always cold. So when I woke up at midnight the night after River Fiasco the Second because I was too hot to sleep, I knew something was really wrong. I went to the kitchen and drank a glass of tonic water, a glass of juice and ate slice of watermelon. My cousin who is an EMT came in, felt my forehead and determined that I pretty much needed to poison myself with water to make my fever go away.

We went outside and watched the meteor shower and drank insane amounts of water and talked. He pulled out a joint after a couple of hours, which made the conversation even more entertaining. At about four in the morning, we determined that my fever was gone and I could go back to sleep.

I love that there are so many people who take care of me.

That pretty much sums it all up.

I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged About X, Day 7: My Butt

Perhaps the fact that I have yet to blog about this until today is not so shocking? Oh, well.

When I die, assuming I do not outlive my good friend Ashley, she plans to eulogize me as follows:

"Elisa had a gigantic rack, and no butt."

Then she will sit down and people will wonder if they are being punk'd. I love the idea of my last concrete influence on earth being a surreal experience. I like to make life a little bit surreal every day as it is. Which is why I gave this eulogy the green light when Ashley and I were serving as missionaries together in Pécs.

She's right, unfortunately. I am overall a curvaceous person, but my butt is embarrassingly flat. This breaks my heart a little bit every day. This is also the reason why I don't wear pants very often.

Sadly, the only way to obtain a more voluptuous backside involves gaining weight, and I certainly don't want to do that.

I am resigned to a life of never fully enjoying the following songs (NSFW):

This one is by far the best video.

Luckily, I can still enjoy this because it makes no reference to size. Good thing, because this one of the best movies of all time.

Moses Lake, I love you but you're bringing me down.

After a rather stressful week, if I say so myself, things took a turn for the better when I drove up to Spokane this morning and picked up my brother. He is done with his freshman year of college and will be home for four months, and he is like my best friend, so that is pretty much the best news ever.

On the way home, in Moses Lake, because we are awesome, we stopped by this random record shop where they had a bin of CDs for ONE DOLLAR. Many of these were the WORST CDs YOU CAN IMAGINE.

We agreed that we would each choose several CDs and purchase them, and the rule was WE HAD TO LISTEN TO THEM ALL THE WAY THROUGH NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY WERE.

Some of them, however, we bought just because they were so awesome.

Here were David's picks:

Monty Python Live at City Center, 1976. This was a really funny CD even if it was a lousy recording. We had to keep adjusting the volume at weird intervals. But, you get what you pay for.

Ray Charles, Genius & Friends, 2005. This one was mostly for our dad.

Johnny Cash, Ragged Old Flag, 1974. Um, how could you NOT buy this CD, I ask you?

And here were my picks. I was a little more adventurous.

Deep Blue Something, Home, 1995. Remember that song, Breakfast at Tiffany's? Well, I do.

Batman Forever soundtrack, also from 1995. The Offspring, Massive Attack, Seal, Nick Cave. Delicious.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch soundtrack, 1998. Apparently I was in a very 90s mood today. Also, CHECK OUT THAT LINE-UP. Additionally, I have fond memories of listening to this very soundtrack with Cori when we were younger, but still old enough to know better.

And, last but not least:

Lou Bega, A Little Bit of Mambo, 1999. This CD sucked even more than you imagine it sucks.

As you can imagine, it was a pleasant roadtrip. I feel like now that my brother is here, everything else will be OK.

I don't think it's called "retweeting" outside of twitter.

Which I don't use. Twitter, I mean. Well, I have an account, but only so I can read the inappropriate, cruel and hilarious one-liners of one Robbie X Pierce on my cellular telephone.

The point is, I have been listening to this song over and over like a crazy person since Friday or so, and credit for this (the song, not the crazy) should be given to David X Bisson. My life would suck without that guy.

Also, the video is pretty cool and references lots of genres I really like.

On Self-Awareness.

I realized today that my style of talking, especially when I am nervous, is a lot like improvisational jazz. Sometimes it turns out really awesome, and sometimes it's just really really weird.

That being said, listen to this. It's good.

We can hold onto love like invisible strings.

I just watched this movie with David and Christina. It's such a great, timeless little film.

I sometimes forget about this song, which I think is one of the best songs to have been associated with the Muppets, though perhaps it is one of the more overlooked ones. It is better than The Rainbow Connection.

Oddly, I think this song sums up quite effectively how I feel about God, and love.

There's not a word yet for old friends who've just met.
Part heaven, part space, or have I found my place?
You can just visit, but I plan to stay.
I'm going to go back there someday.

This song makes me ache, a little bit.

I'm so bad I scare myself.

Fact: vintage celebrities are cooler than almost all modern female celebrities.

I just love this poster so much.

She, too, is an original badass. I stand all amazed.

What I'm Listening to and Thinking About

I promise that very soon I will actually write stuff instead of just posting videos and such. Until then....

These are some songs I really like.

At first I thought this was a music video (in COLOR!) then I realized it wasn't.

Another old school song that I have been listening to lately, though it is not quite as old school as Sam Cooke, is this.

And then there is this. I love how it changes moods right in the middle.

Also, I really want to go to this. Does anyone want to come?

Alternatively, if this is more your style, I am looking for someone to accompany me to this event as well.