There's a guy in my FHE group who's new. He's obnoxious and irritating and he really pisses me off. I will, out of loyalty to Mel, who's the ward FHE coordinator, and Aisling, who's our group leader, continue going to FHE, but this dude really drives me nuts. Intentionally. I feel like I'm in second grade all over again. What do I do?
Unacceptable answers include:
1. Assume the old adage "when a boy teases you, it means he likes you."
2. Giving him any sort of gift.
Sample scenario: he purposefully pronounces my name wrong because I told him it upsets me. He walks up to me at a ward activity and says, "Hey Eliza." Ideas for action ... or lack thereof? Maybe I'm wicked but I feel like doing the whole "getting a rise out of me means he wins" concept is untrue here because he is expecting me to just grin and bear it. Can I tell him off? Please?
14 July, 2008
35 "interesting" facts about me
1. My freshman year at BYU I dressed up like a sprite can to promote recycling in the main square of campus.
2. When I was 17 I took a belly dancing class with Cori.
3. I have a secret obsession with names. I love watching things like movie credits, just to look at the names. I also keep numerous lists of names I like and hate.
4. I am terrified of fireworks.
5. I'm a vegetarian, but I do sometimes crave meat. However, I never crave "good" meat like steak, only cheap stuff like corn dogs and chicken nuggets.
6. The only kind of hat that looks good on me is the baseball variety.
7. And yet, I think baseball is the single most boring sport ever invented.
8. I hate mini-golf.
9. I love mayonnaise.
10. One of my favorite things to do when telling stories is speak with various affected accents.
11. The two things I can honestly say I have absolutely failed at are piano and Latin.
12. My latest fantasy is to buy a houseboat and live in Puget Sound.
13. My favorite swear word is the S word.
14. I had a crush on Bill Murray as a child.
15. I hate the sound of German unless spoken by natives. So basically, I hate the sound of Americans speaking German. Which is why I didn't want to get called there.
16. I have always wanted to live in an apartment with a fire escape.
17. My favorite parts of my body are my eyes, my hands and my breasts.
18. That said, I have always wanted to be Asian. When I was a kid I used to pull my eyes back into slits in front of the mirror and hope they would stay that way.
19. I still sometimes do that.
20. I think longboarding is dumb.
21. When I was very young there was a department store Santa that worked at the mall closest to us. My mom thought he was really nice and even bought him a Christmas present one year. I was afraid of him and refused to sit in his lap. Years later, he was arrested for child sexual abuse.
22. On my mission, my journal was still mostly about boys.
23. One of my life goals is to attend a Star Trek convention.
24. The three celebrities I would want to have lunch with (political or social celebrities aside -- I'm talking straight-up famous people) are Oprah, Madonna, and Mike Doughty.
25. I still believe Michael Jackson was innocent.
26. I already have my wedding night all planned out.
27. When I was home sick with the chicken pox for a month at the age of 14, I was really bored, and spent most of my time watching either Lord of the Rings or Newsies, and researching either movie on the internet. If you've ever wondered why I know so much trivia about those two movies, that is why.
28. When I first started using deodorant, it gave me such a bad rash in my armpits that I thought I would never be able to wear it. I had to carry a bottle of aloe in my backpack to relieve the pain.
29. My favorite Spice Girl is Posh.
30. No matter what he is talking about, I cannot hear a quote from Randy L. Bott without inwardly (sometimes outwardly) wincing.
31. I google myself all the time.
32. I am positive I suffer from a mild form of trichitillomania, which is an obsessive desire to pull one's own hair out. I do it in the form of plucking obsessively.
33. I spent a brief stint working for the Howard Dean presidential campaign.
34. I chew about the same amount of gum as someone who is trying to quit smoking.
35. None of the jeans that I currently own fit me properly.
2. When I was 17 I took a belly dancing class with Cori.
3. I have a secret obsession with names. I love watching things like movie credits, just to look at the names. I also keep numerous lists of names I like and hate.
4. I am terrified of fireworks.
5. I'm a vegetarian, but I do sometimes crave meat. However, I never crave "good" meat like steak, only cheap stuff like corn dogs and chicken nuggets.
6. The only kind of hat that looks good on me is the baseball variety.
7. And yet, I think baseball is the single most boring sport ever invented.
8. I hate mini-golf.
9. I love mayonnaise.
10. One of my favorite things to do when telling stories is speak with various affected accents.
11. The two things I can honestly say I have absolutely failed at are piano and Latin.
12. My latest fantasy is to buy a houseboat and live in Puget Sound.
13. My favorite swear word is the S word.
14. I had a crush on Bill Murray as a child.
15. I hate the sound of German unless spoken by natives. So basically, I hate the sound of Americans speaking German. Which is why I didn't want to get called there.
16. I have always wanted to live in an apartment with a fire escape.
17. My favorite parts of my body are my eyes, my hands and my breasts.
18. That said, I have always wanted to be Asian. When I was a kid I used to pull my eyes back into slits in front of the mirror and hope they would stay that way.
19. I still sometimes do that.
20. I think longboarding is dumb.
21. When I was very young there was a department store Santa that worked at the mall closest to us. My mom thought he was really nice and even bought him a Christmas present one year. I was afraid of him and refused to sit in his lap. Years later, he was arrested for child sexual abuse.
22. On my mission, my journal was still mostly about boys.
23. One of my life goals is to attend a Star Trek convention.
24. The three celebrities I would want to have lunch with (political or social celebrities aside -- I'm talking straight-up famous people) are Oprah, Madonna, and Mike Doughty.
25. I still believe Michael Jackson was innocent.
26. I already have my wedding night all planned out.
27. When I was home sick with the chicken pox for a month at the age of 14, I was really bored, and spent most of my time watching either Lord of the Rings or Newsies, and researching either movie on the internet. If you've ever wondered why I know so much trivia about those two movies, that is why.
28. When I first started using deodorant, it gave me such a bad rash in my armpits that I thought I would never be able to wear it. I had to carry a bottle of aloe in my backpack to relieve the pain.
29. My favorite Spice Girl is Posh.
30. No matter what he is talking about, I cannot hear a quote from Randy L. Bott without inwardly (sometimes outwardly) wincing.
31. I google myself all the time.
32. I am positive I suffer from a mild form of trichitillomania, which is an obsessive desire to pull one's own hair out. I do it in the form of plucking obsessively.
33. I spent a brief stint working for the Howard Dean presidential campaign.
34. I chew about the same amount of gum as someone who is trying to quit smoking.
35. None of the jeans that I currently own fit me properly.
13 July, 2008
I had an awesome weekend.
And it must needs be recorded, lest I forget.
So it all began when my employer, in an act of mercy, let me off work an entire hour early because her sister was over and all the kids were just hanging out. That may not sound like much of a miracle to you, but trust me, if you knew how many hours of unpaid overtime I have put in at that house, you would understand. If any of you within the sound of my voice ever have a nanny, don't be the employer that says: "You don't mind staying another two hours today, do you?" At least, not more than once. Certainly not weekly.
So yeah, I had time to run a bunch of errands that afternoon. Which, oddly enough, I really enjoy. What does it say about me that I still find child-like satisfaction in going to the bank and depositing money in my VERY OWN BANK ACCOUNT? Or buying groceries for my VERY OWN GROWN-UP DINNER? Making payments on my VERY OWN CAR? I know! I'm ridiculous.
That night I had made plans to go out to a movie with this guy I haven't seen in forever. He had texted me that day and described where he lived, but I had tried to drive past it on my way home and couldn't find it. So I texted a mission buddy to ask for directions, and he invited me over. Which sounded like a lot more fun. I figured since the guy had asked me the day of, it couldn't have been that important that I come, yeah? So I told him there had been a change of plans, and watched Lord of the Rings in Hungarian instead.
Saturday was the day of reckoning. Because I work full-time I feel obligated to pack as much fun as I possibly can into my evenings and weekends, and this Saturday I had kinda overextended myself in the planning. But it somehow managed to turn out really well.
In the morning I drove to Antelope Island State Park with Ama and a bunch of other indie kids, because Ama has for years fantasized about floating in the Great Salt Lake, and figured her birthday was a great day to do it. So we ate cupcakes and waded into the Great Salt Lake.
TMI WARNING HERE: BOYS MIGHT WANT TO SKIP
So I was a little freaked out at the prospect of swimming in a lake that was not only salty but filled with brine shrimp. I used to keep sea monkeys in a jar on my desk when I lived in the dorms, but heck if I want any of them crawling on my body, particularly my nether regions. My great fear was that one of them would lodge in my body cavity somehow and I would end up pregnant with a brine shrimp-human hybrid. Sick! Well, that didn't happen. But when we were in the salt lake up to our waists or so, all of a sudden I doubled over in pain ... you know ... down there. I felt like my jay was ON FIRE. I imagine that was the closest I will ever come to a venereal disease. Seriously, it was awful. And I have no idea what caused it. It was throbbing for a while afterwards too, but in the shower on the premises I gave myself the most thorough scrubbing of my life, and I think I'm OK now.
MALES RESUME READING HERE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
So, floating in the Great Salt Lake is neat because you really do stay afloat without any effort at all. Nathan got some cool video footage of it. But I will never, ever, EVER (understand?) do it again.
I almost forgot about the spiders! I tried for the longest time to find a picture of one of the many, many spiders we saw on Antelope Island, which would do well to rename itself Big Freaky Spider Island. But to no avail. They weren't hobo spiders, and they weren't brown recluses, but I'll tell you what they were:
1. Big
2. Fuzzy
3. Freaky
4. Around 3 inches long
and yet
5. Awesome
I'm giving up for now, but more on the spider research front as things develop. I really like spiders. Especially the polite ones like these who just sit in their webs and look awesome and don't crawl on me.
Anyway, those suckers were everywhere, except the path. Which makes me think there must be some spider oral tradition about ancestors who were killed by giant brown rocks that seemed to aim for anyone who walked in the flatlands.
After a loooooong quarter shower at the park, we drove home, I dropped off my passengers, and drove straight to Celeste's bridal shower! I was quite late, but that was OK because most of the girls there were boring and brought tupperware. Celeste had explicitly (get it?) requested a kinky wedding shower, so kinky is what she got from me. Observe:
My favorite part is the dice inside. I bought her a pair of panties too, but I won't post a picture on the off chance that my brothers read this blog.
My favorite part of the afternoon was when we were all sharing our favorite embarrassing moments about Celeste.
Haley: The day Richard got back from China, I was home sick for twelve hours, and I had to knock every time I wanted to go in the living room.
Celeste: Well, I hadn't seen him in like a month!
Me, Vilja and Lori: (laughing)
Everyone else: What? I don't get it. (confused looks)
I mean, geez.
Still, it was really fun. I was just glad when everyone else left and Cel tried on the "Officer Frisky" cop outfit that Vilja, Lori and Haley had bought her. There's a a video but I think she might be mad if I posted it.
I love bridal showers.
Later that afternoon we got together for some gatorball. Good times. The weather was fine, the company was also fine (I kinda have a crush on one of Lori's friends that I met at Vilja's wedding ... he was there) and it was an all-around all-American (in an Estonian sort of way) burning of calories.
Then that night Celeste, Lori, Haley and I got dressed up all swanky and went clubbing. When I get a picture of that I'll post it.
We didn't know that the club Cel had picked was
1. 17 and up
2. targeted to an LDS audience
3. hosting Latin night
but that made the whole evening way more fun, and made us look way more swanky and way more white by comparison. Not that I'm proud of being white. But the blond among us sure got a lot of attention. Ha.
So that was my amazing weekend. Yay! I was thinking when I was trying to fall asleep last night, how could anyone ever keep up with me? I mean, I start my day going hiking with indie kids, go to a preppy girl party and eat strawberries, go play a Baltic sport with a bunch of jocks, and then go clubbing dressed as whorish as an RM can and still feel good about herself. I'm like all of the Spice Girls crammed into one crazy person.
Seriously, though, I am really grateful for my high school experience of being in a two-person clique with Cori. She and I moved around all the other cliques at school so comfortably, I have no problem finding common interest with any type of person. I don't see my Saturday as contradictory at all. Merely awesome. I wish I could find a guy who could do all that stuff with me. Dirty South dancing and rock shows? Temple trips and art museums? Running and Disney movies? Hiking and shopping?
I suppose the shopping is too much to ask. But I don't know if I'll ever find a guy that interesting. Darn it.
So it all began when my employer, in an act of mercy, let me off work an entire hour early because her sister was over and all the kids were just hanging out. That may not sound like much of a miracle to you, but trust me, if you knew how many hours of unpaid overtime I have put in at that house, you would understand. If any of you within the sound of my voice ever have a nanny, don't be the employer that says: "You don't mind staying another two hours today, do you?" At least, not more than once. Certainly not weekly.
So yeah, I had time to run a bunch of errands that afternoon. Which, oddly enough, I really enjoy. What does it say about me that I still find child-like satisfaction in going to the bank and depositing money in my VERY OWN BANK ACCOUNT? Or buying groceries for my VERY OWN GROWN-UP DINNER? Making payments on my VERY OWN CAR? I know! I'm ridiculous.
That night I had made plans to go out to a movie with this guy I haven't seen in forever. He had texted me that day and described where he lived, but I had tried to drive past it on my way home and couldn't find it. So I texted a mission buddy to ask for directions, and he invited me over. Which sounded like a lot more fun. I figured since the guy had asked me the day of, it couldn't have been that important that I come, yeah? So I told him there had been a change of plans, and watched Lord of the Rings in Hungarian instead.
Saturday was the day of reckoning. Because I work full-time I feel obligated to pack as much fun as I possibly can into my evenings and weekends, and this Saturday I had kinda overextended myself in the planning. But it somehow managed to turn out really well.
In the morning I drove to Antelope Island State Park with Ama and a bunch of other indie kids, because Ama has for years fantasized about floating in the Great Salt Lake, and figured her birthday was a great day to do it. So we ate cupcakes and waded into the Great Salt Lake.
TMI WARNING HERE: BOYS MIGHT WANT TO SKIP
So I was a little freaked out at the prospect of swimming in a lake that was not only salty but filled with brine shrimp. I used to keep sea monkeys in a jar on my desk when I lived in the dorms, but heck if I want any of them crawling on my body, particularly my nether regions. My great fear was that one of them would lodge in my body cavity somehow and I would end up pregnant with a brine shrimp-human hybrid. Sick! Well, that didn't happen. But when we were in the salt lake up to our waists or so, all of a sudden I doubled over in pain ... you know ... down there. I felt like my jay was ON FIRE. I imagine that was the closest I will ever come to a venereal disease. Seriously, it was awful. And I have no idea what caused it. It was throbbing for a while afterwards too, but in the shower on the premises I gave myself the most thorough scrubbing of my life, and I think I'm OK now.
MALES RESUME READING HERE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
So, floating in the Great Salt Lake is neat because you really do stay afloat without any effort at all. Nathan got some cool video footage of it. But I will never, ever, EVER (understand?) do it again.
I almost forgot about the spiders! I tried for the longest time to find a picture of one of the many, many spiders we saw on Antelope Island, which would do well to rename itself Big Freaky Spider Island. But to no avail. They weren't hobo spiders, and they weren't brown recluses, but I'll tell you what they were:
1. Big
2. Fuzzy
3. Freaky
4. Around 3 inches long
and yet
5. Awesome
I'm giving up for now, but more on the spider research front as things develop. I really like spiders. Especially the polite ones like these who just sit in their webs and look awesome and don't crawl on me.
Anyway, those suckers were everywhere, except the path. Which makes me think there must be some spider oral tradition about ancestors who were killed by giant brown rocks that seemed to aim for anyone who walked in the flatlands.
After a loooooong quarter shower at the park, we drove home, I dropped off my passengers, and drove straight to Celeste's bridal shower! I was quite late, but that was OK because most of the girls there were boring and brought tupperware. Celeste had explicitly (get it?) requested a kinky wedding shower, so kinky is what she got from me. Observe:
My favorite part is the dice inside. I bought her a pair of panties too, but I won't post a picture on the off chance that my brothers read this blog.
My favorite part of the afternoon was when we were all sharing our favorite embarrassing moments about Celeste.
Haley: The day Richard got back from China, I was home sick for twelve hours, and I had to knock every time I wanted to go in the living room.
Celeste: Well, I hadn't seen him in like a month!
Me, Vilja and Lori: (laughing)
Everyone else: What? I don't get it. (confused looks)
I mean, geez.
Still, it was really fun. I was just glad when everyone else left and Cel tried on the "Officer Frisky" cop outfit that Vilja, Lori and Haley had bought her. There's a a video but I think she might be mad if I posted it.
I love bridal showers.
Later that afternoon we got together for some gatorball. Good times. The weather was fine, the company was also fine (I kinda have a crush on one of Lori's friends that I met at Vilja's wedding ... he was there) and it was an all-around all-American (in an Estonian sort of way) burning of calories.
Then that night Celeste, Lori, Haley and I got dressed up all swanky and went clubbing. When I get a picture of that I'll post it.
We didn't know that the club Cel had picked was
1. 17 and up
2. targeted to an LDS audience
3. hosting Latin night
but that made the whole evening way more fun, and made us look way more swanky and way more white by comparison. Not that I'm proud of being white. But the blond among us sure got a lot of attention. Ha.
So that was my amazing weekend. Yay! I was thinking when I was trying to fall asleep last night, how could anyone ever keep up with me? I mean, I start my day going hiking with indie kids, go to a preppy girl party and eat strawberries, go play a Baltic sport with a bunch of jocks, and then go clubbing dressed as whorish as an RM can and still feel good about herself. I'm like all of the Spice Girls crammed into one crazy person.
Seriously, though, I am really grateful for my high school experience of being in a two-person clique with Cori. She and I moved around all the other cliques at school so comfortably, I have no problem finding common interest with any type of person. I don't see my Saturday as contradictory at all. Merely awesome. I wish I could find a guy who could do all that stuff with me. Dirty South dancing and rock shows? Temple trips and art museums? Running and Disney movies? Hiking and shopping?
I suppose the shopping is too much to ask. But I don't know if I'll ever find a guy that interesting. Darn it.
10 July, 2008
Some people are emotionally fat.
I have always felt sorry for children who are or were victims of neglect. I wonder what kind of parents would fail to provide their children with the basic necessities of life. Any idiot knows that babies need food, water, warmth, and attention. But I figured out something to add to my list of essentials: problems.
I know that God gives me problems because He loves me, Because life is a testing period. Because it makes me tough and even more awesome. And to be perfectly honest, I am grateful for the problems I have had. I think they have made me a stronger, more content, more compassionate person. I can identify with almost anything that a friend is going through because more often than not, I've been through it too. So most of my problems, I wouldn't take away, even if I had the option of living my life over. With the stunning exception of about three experiences in my entire life, which I won't talk about now because it would make me depressed.
My point is: I am also really grateful for the problems my parents let me have. I'm not saying I'm grateful my parents fought, or that they got divorced, and that my Dad has some weird ideas that have screwed me up for life (and no, those aren't the three experiences I was just talking about). But I'm grateful that most of the time, my parents let me do my own thing. They were old enough and smart enough to let me make mistakes, to let me have my own experiences, good and bad. Thanks to them, I had problems, and now I'm a better person.
My six year-old is only six. I know that. But the kid has led a pretty charmed life. Hasn't had a lot of problems. And thus, he thinks that everything, and I mean everything that he hasn't any experience with, is "weird" or "sucks."
Barbershop quartet in a movie? Weird.
Opera singer on Sesame Street? Sucks.
Black girl in a movie with a little afro? Weird.
Today I had enough of it, and I said, "You know, you must have a really boring life to think that so many things are weird."
It was only after I said it that I realized the magnitude of what I had said. Growing up somewhere where everything is provided for you and done for you is not only boring, it's harmful.
My employer got in a car accident this morning, and even though the car was only a little bit scratched in the front, she was completely undone. We had the following conversation:
Me: So how bad is the car, really? It doesn't look too bad.
E: No, it's awful. Come see.
(I come over to get a closer look, press my nose against the bumper, and ...)
Me: Oh. right. There are a couple scratches. (trying to make light of it) I guess that's the benefit of driving around in a tank, huh? I mean it could have been a lot worse.
E: Sigh. I guess.
It's just plain not healthy.
I know that God gives me problems because He loves me, Because life is a testing period. Because it makes me tough and even more awesome. And to be perfectly honest, I am grateful for the problems I have had. I think they have made me a stronger, more content, more compassionate person. I can identify with almost anything that a friend is going through because more often than not, I've been through it too. So most of my problems, I wouldn't take away, even if I had the option of living my life over. With the stunning exception of about three experiences in my entire life, which I won't talk about now because it would make me depressed.
My point is: I am also really grateful for the problems my parents let me have. I'm not saying I'm grateful my parents fought, or that they got divorced, and that my Dad has some weird ideas that have screwed me up for life (and no, those aren't the three experiences I was just talking about). But I'm grateful that most of the time, my parents let me do my own thing. They were old enough and smart enough to let me make mistakes, to let me have my own experiences, good and bad. Thanks to them, I had problems, and now I'm a better person.
My six year-old is only six. I know that. But the kid has led a pretty charmed life. Hasn't had a lot of problems. And thus, he thinks that everything, and I mean everything that he hasn't any experience with, is "weird" or "sucks."
Barbershop quartet in a movie? Weird.
Opera singer on Sesame Street? Sucks.
Black girl in a movie with a little afro? Weird.
Today I had enough of it, and I said, "You know, you must have a really boring life to think that so many things are weird."
It was only after I said it that I realized the magnitude of what I had said. Growing up somewhere where everything is provided for you and done for you is not only boring, it's harmful.
My employer got in a car accident this morning, and even though the car was only a little bit scratched in the front, she was completely undone. We had the following conversation:
Me: So how bad is the car, really? It doesn't look too bad.
E: No, it's awful. Come see.
(I come over to get a closer look, press my nose against the bumper, and ...)
Me: Oh. right. There are a couple scratches. (trying to make light of it) I guess that's the benefit of driving around in a tank, huh? I mean it could have been a lot worse.
E: Sigh. I guess.
It's just plain not healthy.
08 July, 2008
cool things I have done
A friend's blog had a list of interesting things. I organized them as seen below. I believe these were all things that he had done, but he might have also gotten the list from someone else.
Things I have done:
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper
Given more than I can afford to charity
Climbed a mountain
Said "I love you" and meant it
Gone to a huge sports game
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a pillow fight
Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
Ridden a roller coaster
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
Adopted an accent for fun
Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
Felt very happy about my life, even for just a moment
Loved my job 90% of the time
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Watched wild whales
Gone rock climbing
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater
Done something I should regret, but don't
Taken a martial arts class
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Spoken more than one language fluently
Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
Bounced a check
Read - and understood - my credit report
Found out something significant that my ancestors did
Called or written my Congress person
Been fired or laid off from a job
Won money
Eaten sushi
Changed someone's mind about something I care deeply about
Gone back to school
Taught myself an art from scratch
Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
Dyed my hair
Rocked a baby to sleep
Brought out the best in people
Brought out the worst in people
Ridden a horse
Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
Shot a basketball into a basket
Gone to an arboretum
Tutored someone
Ridden a train
Brought an old fad back into style
Lived in an historic place
Acted in a play or performed on a stage
Gone roller skating
Sang a solo
Learned how to take a compliment
Had my portrait painted
Lied about my weight
Gone on a diet
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Written a poem
Carried my lunch in a lunchbox
Gotten food poisoning
Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
Gone to the opera
Been stuck in an elevator
Had a revelatory dream
Thought I might crash in an airplane
Laughed till my side hurt
Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
Been a cashier
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Donated blood or plasma
Built a campfire
Kept a blog
Had hives
Made a PowerPoint presentation
Served at a soup kitchen
Know CPR
Ridden in or owned a convertible
Found a long lost friend
Things I would like to do:
Touch an iceberg
Watch a meteor shower
Swim with wild dolphins
Hold a tarantula
Visit Paris
Stay up all night long and watched the sun rise
See the Northern Lights
Walk the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grow and eat my own vegetables
Look up at the night sky through a telescope
Build a snow fort
Hold a lamb
Go skinny dipping
See a total eclipse
Go on a midnight walk on the beach
Visit Ireland
Buy a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visit India
Milk a cow
Wear a superhero costume
Go scuba diving
Kiss in the rain
Visit the Great Wall of China
Be in a movie
Get flowers for no reason
Pick up and move to another city just to start over
Walk the Golden Gate Bridge
Help an animal give birth
Ride a motorcycle
Drive any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Read The Bible cover to cover
Change your name
Read The Iliad
Be a DJ
Cook a dish where four people asked for the recipe
Go to a Broadway play
Be inside the pyramids
Dance at a disco
Ride a giraffe or elephant
Publish a book
Piece a quilt
Ask for a raise
Run a marathon
Learn to surf
Fly first class
Spend the night in a 5-star luxury suite
Fly in a helicopter
Visit Africa
Go spelunking
Write a love-story
See Michelangelo’s David
Own a St. Bernard or Great Dane
Learne to juggle
Sit on a jury
Find an arrowhead or a gold nugget
Hike the Grand Canyon
Get a letter from someone famous
Ride in a limousine
Learn to hula or waltz
Have a song dedicated to me on the radio or at a concert
Save someone’s life
Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
Straddle the equator
Send a message in a bottle
Spend the night in a hostel
Conquer the Rubik’s cube
Help solve a crime
Things I would not like to do:
Be in a hockey fight
Bungee jump
Bet on a winning horse
Take a sick day when I'm not ill
Go sky diving
Be in a combat zone
Break a bone
Have your picture in the newspaper
Get someone fired for their actions
Kill and prepare an animal for eating
Be elected to public office
Put someone you love into hospice care
Have a booth at a street fair
Drop a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
Rake my carpet
Wear a mood ring
Bury a child
Play in a band
Shoot a bird
Eat caviar
Let a salesman talk me into something I don’t need
Make a hole-in-one
Go deep sea fishing
Write a fan letter
Spend the night in something haunted
Run away
Be a boss
Wear knickers
Attend the Olympics
Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
Eat raw whale
Join a union
Wear custom made shoes or boots
Take a Hunter’s Safety Course
Respond to a NJP newsletter
Things I have done:
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper
Given more than I can afford to charity
Climbed a mountain
Said "I love you" and meant it
Gone to a huge sports game
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a pillow fight
Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
Ridden a roller coaster
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
Adopted an accent for fun
Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
Felt very happy about my life, even for just a moment
Loved my job 90% of the time
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Watched wild whales
Gone rock climbing
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater
Done something I should regret, but don't
Taken a martial arts class
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Spoken more than one language fluently
Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
Bounced a check
Read - and understood - my credit report
Found out something significant that my ancestors did
Called or written my Congress person
Been fired or laid off from a job
Won money
Eaten sushi
Changed someone's mind about something I care deeply about
Gone back to school
Taught myself an art from scratch
Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
Dyed my hair
Rocked a baby to sleep
Brought out the best in people
Brought out the worst in people
Ridden a horse
Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
Shot a basketball into a basket
Gone to an arboretum
Tutored someone
Ridden a train
Brought an old fad back into style
Lived in an historic place
Acted in a play or performed on a stage
Gone roller skating
Sang a solo
Learned how to take a compliment
Had my portrait painted
Lied about my weight
Gone on a diet
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Written a poem
Carried my lunch in a lunchbox
Gotten food poisoning
Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
Gone to the opera
Been stuck in an elevator
Had a revelatory dream
Thought I might crash in an airplane
Laughed till my side hurt
Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
Been a cashier
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Donated blood or plasma
Built a campfire
Kept a blog
Had hives
Made a PowerPoint presentation
Served at a soup kitchen
Know CPR
Ridden in or owned a convertible
Found a long lost friend
Things I would like to do:
Touch an iceberg
Watch a meteor shower
Swim with wild dolphins
Hold a tarantula
Visit Paris
Stay up all night long and watched the sun rise
See the Northern Lights
Walk the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grow and eat my own vegetables
Look up at the night sky through a telescope
Build a snow fort
Hold a lamb
Go skinny dipping
See a total eclipse
Go on a midnight walk on the beach
Visit Ireland
Buy a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visit India
Milk a cow
Wear a superhero costume
Go scuba diving
Kiss in the rain
Visit the Great Wall of China
Be in a movie
Get flowers for no reason
Pick up and move to another city just to start over
Walk the Golden Gate Bridge
Help an animal give birth
Ride a motorcycle
Drive any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Read The Bible cover to cover
Change your name
Read The Iliad
Be a DJ
Cook a dish where four people asked for the recipe
Go to a Broadway play
Be inside the pyramids
Dance at a disco
Ride a giraffe or elephant
Publish a book
Piece a quilt
Ask for a raise
Run a marathon
Learn to surf
Fly first class
Spend the night in a 5-star luxury suite
Fly in a helicopter
Visit Africa
Go spelunking
Write a love-story
See Michelangelo’s David
Own a St. Bernard or Great Dane
Learne to juggle
Sit on a jury
Find an arrowhead or a gold nugget
Hike the Grand Canyon
Get a letter from someone famous
Ride in a limousine
Learn to hula or waltz
Have a song dedicated to me on the radio or at a concert
Save someone’s life
Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
Straddle the equator
Send a message in a bottle
Spend the night in a hostel
Conquer the Rubik’s cube
Help solve a crime
Things I would not like to do:
Be in a hockey fight
Bungee jump
Bet on a winning horse
Take a sick day when I'm not ill
Go sky diving
Be in a combat zone
Break a bone
Have your picture in the newspaper
Get someone fired for their actions
Kill and prepare an animal for eating
Be elected to public office
Put someone you love into hospice care
Have a booth at a street fair
Drop a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
Rake my carpet
Wear a mood ring
Bury a child
Play in a band
Shoot a bird
Eat caviar
Let a salesman talk me into something I don’t need
Make a hole-in-one
Go deep sea fishing
Write a fan letter
Spend the night in something haunted
Run away
Be a boss
Wear knickers
Attend the Olympics
Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
Eat raw whale
Join a union
Wear custom made shoes or boots
Take a Hunter’s Safety Course
Respond to a NJP newsletter
07 July, 2008
My Worst Day Ever
Today was one of those days where I was grouchy and feeling sorry for myself, and for some reason, as I was talking with my roommate Mel, it cheered me up to tell her about things I really really hate. It was cathartic to realize that there are things on God's good earth that I will never, ever, like, and thus, can avoid with some degree of certainty. I made a list, but to make it more interesting, I thought I would combine said list into a theoretical "Worst Day ever." I'm going to make the whole day a date, because although I don't technically hate dating, it is not on my list of favorite things to do. Not even close to the top.
My worst day ever.
I get up to an obnoxious beeping alarm clock with the grungy feeling you get when you sleep somewhere unfamiliar and in an uncomfortable position; and feeling sick like I do when I don't get enough sleep. I don't have time to shower away my headache and stuffy nose. I skip breakfast and head out with Yucky Boy for a morning hunt. By the time we get back everything I own smells like campfire. Again, no time to shower. We snack on bacon while playing several rounds of Malarky, the worst board game ever invented. Then we inexplicably drive over to the fair and ride on the fun house, which has lots of mirrors and assorted creepy items, all to the music of Sum 41. We don't go on any other rides. Then Yucky Boy decides he's hungry so we go to McDonald's. There, we are surrounded by simpering couples who shriek at each other even though their partner is within normal hearing range. All conversation takes the form of whining, and every woman there has visible panties. Next, we head over to Spokane, Washington (pretend it's close by) and set off fireworks in a dry field. Yucky boy brings water for us to drink, but it's warm. Afterwards, we go swing dancing in a hick bar where I don't know anyone. Several men grab my chest. Yucky Boy pretends not to notice. I try to take solace in the bathroom but the line is too long. When he finally notices I am not enjoying myself, we head home and watch Rocky on an uncomfortable couch with no back cushions. Movie snacks are pork rinds, Lays potato chips, and buttered popcorn jelly bellies. Yucky Boy tries to kiss me, but has horrid breath. I go home, and wish I were dead, but at least know that no worse day could exist for me personally, so at least I got it over with fairly early on in life.
Wow. I feel so much better now.
My worst day ever.
I get up to an obnoxious beeping alarm clock with the grungy feeling you get when you sleep somewhere unfamiliar and in an uncomfortable position; and feeling sick like I do when I don't get enough sleep. I don't have time to shower away my headache and stuffy nose. I skip breakfast and head out with Yucky Boy for a morning hunt. By the time we get back everything I own smells like campfire. Again, no time to shower. We snack on bacon while playing several rounds of Malarky, the worst board game ever invented. Then we inexplicably drive over to the fair and ride on the fun house, which has lots of mirrors and assorted creepy items, all to the music of Sum 41. We don't go on any other rides. Then Yucky Boy decides he's hungry so we go to McDonald's. There, we are surrounded by simpering couples who shriek at each other even though their partner is within normal hearing range. All conversation takes the form of whining, and every woman there has visible panties. Next, we head over to Spokane, Washington (pretend it's close by) and set off fireworks in a dry field. Yucky boy brings water for us to drink, but it's warm. Afterwards, we go swing dancing in a hick bar where I don't know anyone. Several men grab my chest. Yucky Boy pretends not to notice. I try to take solace in the bathroom but the line is too long. When he finally notices I am not enjoying myself, we head home and watch Rocky on an uncomfortable couch with no back cushions. Movie snacks are pork rinds, Lays potato chips, and buttered popcorn jelly bellies. Yucky Boy tries to kiss me, but has horrid breath. I go home, and wish I were dead, but at least know that no worse day could exist for me personally, so at least I got it over with fairly early on in life.
Wow. I feel so much better now.
29 June, 2008
I *heart* the Law of Chastity
No lie, I really do. The other day one of the dearest people in my life called me to ask the name of a talk he was looking for and couldn't find. It was originally given as a BYU devotional, which is why it wasn't originally available on lds.org, but after an easy google search we found the entire text of Jeffrey R. Holland's talk "Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments." Coincidentally, today in church we had the big annual Chastity Talk with a member of the bishopric and his wife. They passed out copies of this talk initially, and the lesson was one of the most mature, frank, funny, and uplifting discussions on chastity I have ever experienced.
Some fabulous quotes from both Elder Holland and Brother and Sister Magleby:
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire." Robert Frost
"May I suggest that human intimacy, that sacred, physical union ordained of God for a married couple, deals with a symbol that demands special sanctity. ... [S]uch a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess--their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of--indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of--that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.
As delicate as it is to mention in such a setting, I nevertheless trust your maturity to understand that physiologically we are created as men and women to fit together in such a union. In this ultimate physical expression of one man and one woman they are as nearly and as literally "one" as two separate physical bodies can ever be. It is in that act of ultimate physical intimacy we most nearly fulfill the commandment of the Lord given to Adam and Eve, living symbols for all married couples, when he invited them to cleave unto one another only, and thus become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). ...
That commandment cannot be fulfilled, and that symbolism of "one flesh" cannot be preserved, if we hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously share intimacy in a darkened corner of a darkened hour, then just as hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously retreat to our separate worlds--not to eat or live or cry or laugh together, not to do the laundry and the dishes and the homework, not to manage a budget and pay the bills and tend the children and plan together for the future. No, we cannot do that until we are truly one--united, bound, linked, tied, welded, sealed, married." Elder Holland
"If we relate to each other in fragments, at best we miss full relationships. At worst, we manipulate and exploit others for our gratification. Sexual fragmentation can be particularly harmful because it gives powerful physiological rewards which, though illusory, can temporarily persuade us to overlook the serious deficits in the overall relationship. Two people may marry for physical gratification and then discover that the illusion of union collapses under the weight of intellectual, social, and spiritual incompatibilities. . . .
Sexual fragmentation is particularly harmful because it is particularly deceptive. The intense human intimacy that should be enjoyed in and symbolized by sexual union is counterfeited by sensual episodes which suggest--but cannot deliver--acceptance, understanding, and love. Such encounters mistake the end for the means as lonely, desperate people seek a common denominator which will permit the easiest, quickest gratification." Dr. Victor L. Brown, Jr.
"Sex is symbolic of intimacy. It is not intimacy itself." Brother Magleby
"You don't need experience to have success as a married couple. It's something the two of you build together." Sister Magleby
Some fabulous quotes from both Elder Holland and Brother and Sister Magleby:
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire." Robert Frost
"May I suggest that human intimacy, that sacred, physical union ordained of God for a married couple, deals with a symbol that demands special sanctity. ... [S]uch a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess--their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of--indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of--that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.
As delicate as it is to mention in such a setting, I nevertheless trust your maturity to understand that physiologically we are created as men and women to fit together in such a union. In this ultimate physical expression of one man and one woman they are as nearly and as literally "one" as two separate physical bodies can ever be. It is in that act of ultimate physical intimacy we most nearly fulfill the commandment of the Lord given to Adam and Eve, living symbols for all married couples, when he invited them to cleave unto one another only, and thus become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). ...
That commandment cannot be fulfilled, and that symbolism of "one flesh" cannot be preserved, if we hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously share intimacy in a darkened corner of a darkened hour, then just as hastily and guiltily and surreptitiously retreat to our separate worlds--not to eat or live or cry or laugh together, not to do the laundry and the dishes and the homework, not to manage a budget and pay the bills and tend the children and plan together for the future. No, we cannot do that until we are truly one--united, bound, linked, tied, welded, sealed, married." Elder Holland
"If we relate to each other in fragments, at best we miss full relationships. At worst, we manipulate and exploit others for our gratification. Sexual fragmentation can be particularly harmful because it gives powerful physiological rewards which, though illusory, can temporarily persuade us to overlook the serious deficits in the overall relationship. Two people may marry for physical gratification and then discover that the illusion of union collapses under the weight of intellectual, social, and spiritual incompatibilities. . . .
Sexual fragmentation is particularly harmful because it is particularly deceptive. The intense human intimacy that should be enjoyed in and symbolized by sexual union is counterfeited by sensual episodes which suggest--but cannot deliver--acceptance, understanding, and love. Such encounters mistake the end for the means as lonely, desperate people seek a common denominator which will permit the easiest, quickest gratification." Dr. Victor L. Brown, Jr.
"Sex is symbolic of intimacy. It is not intimacy itself." Brother Magleby
"You don't need experience to have success as a married couple. It's something the two of you build together." Sister Magleby
I was really impressed with everything I learned this week, both from reading the talk at my dear friend's suggestion and listening to my Priesthood leaders in church today. Just wanted to share ...
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