The Girl on the Milk Carton

From the archives: January 28, 2004

2012-01-28T16:07:00.001-08:00

Funny convo at lunch today...

So last night I had this dream that I met Ben Lewis' dad [note: Ben is my friend who is a math major], and that he gave me this math test that had all these complicated derivatives, and I couldn't do it. I told Ben about this dream today at lunch, and he commented that his dad was an artist and probably couldn't do much in the way of derivatives either.

Me: Man, what if my kids are smarter than I am? That would SUCK!
Danny: No, it would be great. In fact, I think I'll have kids right now, so they can be smart and support me in my old age.
Me: But wouldn't it suck to not be able to help your kids with school?
Chris: No, you'd just say "I can't help you with this, it wouldn't be right."
Me: That's true. That works both ways, I mean.
Danny: Well, I'll just say "Shut up! Who's your daddy?"
Chris: "Don't forget I MADE you!!!!"
Danny: "How much math do you think THAT took?"

In summary, I love my friends.

SOPA SUX

2012-01-18T11:55:00.002-08:00

If you want to hear some solid reasoning why SOPA is the worst thing ever please click here.

And here.

And then go here to add your name to long list of people who oppose breaking the internet.

From the archives: January 12, 2004

2012-01-12T08:48:00.000-08:00

Note: Eight years later, this is still totally true.

Don't you think that's marvelous, darling?

Know who I remind myself of?
Liza Minelli.
Unfortunately.

The Sexiest Men Alive According to Elisa This Year

2011-12-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you're excited for your gift.

Two bloggers I love and admire (but only one of whom I know) have recently set forth their opinions on how very wrong the good, but misguided, folks at People Magazine were when they put together their yearly "Sexiest Man Alive" issue. I would have to agree with both of them that People Mag's opinions, while appropriately heteronormative and allowably shallow, are far from spot on. Bradley Cooper? Eh. Here are my opinions on who the real, actual sexiest men alive are this year. Don't worry, I will be judging entirely on superficial characteristics. And you're welcome in advance, ladies/men who can be inspired to greatness from these sterling examples of HAWT-itude.

Ryan Gosling

Best to get this out of the way as soon as possible. People Mag. was right to list him as ONE of the sexiest men alive, but to not feature those blue eyes and that boyish grin on the cover? It's morally wrong. Ryan Gosling is God's gift to hetero ladies everywhere. Everybody thinks so. Also, man knows how to grow a beard. Let's face it. He's magical.

Not to mention that he is featured on this amazing website which integrates two of my favorite things: gorgeous men and feminist theory.

Jason Segel

This picture should pretty much say everything about why I adore this man.

Jason Segel is one of the few people who openly adores puppets as much as I do (he wrote and performed the puppet musical in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and in the recent Muppets reboot). Which is one million points right there. Additionally, he plays the charming, offbeat, extremely tall Marshall Erikson on How I Met Your Mother, one of my favorite shows out there. Love those boyish good looks coupled with disarming pseudo-awkwardness. Plus the occasional beard.

Adorable infinity.

Zachary Quinto

I know what you're thinking. "C'mon, Elisa! You're only choosing this guy because he was on J.J. Abrams' 2009 summer blockbuster Star Trek!!" And my response to you is: well, not only.

I suppose it's my inner Eastern European that goes crazy for thick dark hair, even when it extends to the eyebrows. Additionally, I have a thing for noses. You know what they say. Quinto has all that going on and more. Look at that smile (which you don't really get to see in Star Trek). Look at that stubble! He has as much handsomeness as he has hair!

Not that it matters because I only care how people look and not about what's in their hearts or minds, but Zachary Quinto seems to be a genuinely kind, compassionate person, as evidenced by his Twitter feed and his contribution to the "It Gets Better" campaign.

Speaking of, he came out of the closet this past year, which was disappointing for me, to say the least. Nevertheless, I wish him luck in bringing happiness to some ridiculously lucky guy.

Seriously, some guys have all the luck.

Jason Sudeikis

I challenge you to name one funny sketch from SNL this year that did not prominently feature Jason S. OK, there might have been one or two. But Jason Sudeikis is the best thing that show has going on at the moment, and not just because of his cool last name. Who am I kidding, though? I don't care if a guy is funny! All I care about are looks. And he has those, too.

Yum. Also, yes, I am aware that he is the second Jason.

Some of you may have picked up on an emerging pattern, so I will set your mind at ease right now: yes, I do love White guys with boyish smiles and who are maybe a little out of shape (AKA snuggly). This has nothing to do with my own body issues at all. Nor does my penchant for facial hair have anything to do with my personal self-consciousness about my lady-stache. I just want a man to be bigger and hairier than me, OK? To make me feel better about myself. Jeez.

I also like dudes that are funny and a little bit nerdy, except not really because I only care about physical features and not about personality characteristics at all AS STATED PREVIOUSLY. And empirically speaking, J.S. is gorgeous. Have you seen his mustache in Going the Distance? He and Charlie Day made that movie watchable. And buy-at-Safeway-able.

Alan Tudyk

Yes, he was on Arrested Development and Firefly. Yes, I would love him even if he were not on either of those awesome shows.

Oh, look, another boyish White snuggly dude with the odd bout of facial hair (just not in this photo)! Did you think I would be bored of them by now? Of course I am not. Alan Tudyk is completely 100% adorable. He can even rock a Hawaiian shirt if his character calls for it. That is saying a lot because Hawaiian shirts are gross. He is also smart and funny. But who cares about that.

Seriously, I would play dinosaurs with this guy any day of the week. If you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?

Lastly, when called upon the man has a very sexy way of dance (possibly NSFW if your boss is super uptight). This video was clearly shot at some sort of nerdy con which makes me love him all the more.

Lyman Johnson

Question: does a Whiter name exist in the whole world? Answer: nope.

Do you watch "The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl?" If you don't, you are seriously missing out on some quality television. Go watch it right now. And after you have done so, we can get together at Aurora Donuts and drink whole milk and squee over White Jay. Because he is perfect.

See what I mean? He rocks the funny hair with the boyish grin and makes me believe it. See also: the beard. He also has an engineering degree, but who cares because I just want him to stay at home and wait for me every day when I come home from school.

Am I right, ladies/GBTQ dudes? Suh-woon.

Donald Glover

Granted, the rest of these guys except for Zachary Quinto have kind of all looked the same, but I want to make it abundantly clear that I find all races and creeds attractive, especially when they are funny and know how to rap. Enter: Childish Gambino AKA another guy with a kinda White-sounding name.

I also definitely have a thing for glasses even if they are fake.

Donald Glover is currently the best part of the best show on the air (-ish), Community. He is funny, charming and has good jeans. He's also talented at whatever he chooses to do outside of the show, which lately is do stand up and release hip hop EPs. He's totally awesome. Also, if you're not currently watching Community you should start watching it right now, because if you don't it might go off the air permanently and it would be all your fault for not supporting it.

And also because damn, right?

I hope you all enjoyed these pictures of attractive men that I got you for Christmas, because unless you are my mom I definitely didn't get you anything else.

xoxo,

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (In lieu of Christmas cards this year)

2011-12-18T16:11:00.005-08:00

Not that I've ever done those, either.

Please download and listen to these songs while imagine one of the following scenarios:

1. We are driving together on a stretch of highway, singing these songs at the top of our lungs.
2. We are sitting by a fire, drinking chocolate soy milk and talking about politics.
3. We are knitting socks in a loft and eating fresh vegetables.

I think that covers everyone. Enjoy. xoxo

Click here to download

From the archives: December 15, 2004

2011-12-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

Wishing you one of those days...

College has made me dislike Christmas. Why, finals week, why? Why must you precede the fun-filled and significant celebration of Christ's birth? Why must I get through you before there can be any semblance of holiday cheer?

It's like having my teeth knocked out so I can have some ice cream.

Passions.

2011-12-03T00:15:00.004-08:00

I know I've been AWOL for a while, but I feel bad apologizing for it, especially considering that it probably won't be changing anytime soon. I make no promises to blog more before August 2012. Promises will only disappoint.

That being said, here is a three-panel summary of how I have felt about this quarter (outside my placement classroom, which is full of 32 of the most sassy, curious, grabby, impolite, adorable little 8 year-olds you can imagine, who delight and challenge me every single day).

This is from here. The original can be found here.

I am looking forward immensely to next quarter, which will be three times the amount of classroom work and half the amount of time on campus. Hopefully next quarter I will be visited by the Heavens with professors who are nice, interesting and helpful, rather than a distinctly less appealing smaller combination of the aforementioned qualities.

This fall, I have one professor who is nice and helpful but not interesting; one who is interesting and helpful but not nice; one who is nice and interesting but not helpful; and one who is none of the above. Two are blessedly all three, but one of those classes ended almost a month ago, and one good teacher is hardly sustainable right before Christmas.

Speaking of good teachers, I think I am going to be one. Today I got so excited about a curriculum I would like to plan that I have been researching it for a few hours. I pity those people who haven't found something they love so much they would research it on a Friday night after coming home from a social engagement. What are you waiting for? Go figure it out!

From the archives: November 21, 2004

2011-11-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

Tonight I watched Sleeping Beauty all the way through for the first time

After the evil witch Mafeficant (sp?) gets killed.

Me: Man, none of this would have happened if they had just invited her to the party. So the message of this movie is: invite everybody to the party.

From the archives: November 17, 2004

2011-11-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

RIP Kierkegaard

Of course, it would be the vegetarian in the apartment who accidentally drops the pet fish down the disposal.
Oh, the paralyzing guilt....

From the archives: October 11, 2004

2011-10-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

Actual conversation with my roommates

Important detail: I gave blood today.

Scene: Elisa and Hediyeh, having returned from grocery shopping, are putting said groceries away and talking to Nancy and Alli.

Hediyeh: Hey, Elisa has a crazy story to tell you guys.
Me: I passed out in Brother Bott's class.
Hediyeh: NO! The other crazy story!
Me: (mystified) What?
Hediyeh: About how your friend got engaged after knowing the guy for 13 days.
Me: Oh. Uh, my friend got exchanged after knowing the guy for 13 days.
Alli: Wow.

Dude, I am so in love with Provo it's not even funny. 

My best friend

2011-09-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

had an elaborate plan when we were in high school on how she was going to meet her future husband. Her plan was to attend art school in Florida, get hired as a Disney animator to work on some sort of cartoon about outer space, and, while sketching at NASA headquarters, meet her husband, who of course would be an astronaut.

Things ended up going slightly differently, but of course she still got her happily ever after.

I, on the other hand, am free to fantasize about these handsome blokes:

These are some NASA astronauts from the 1960s. Seven originals members of the Mercury missions, pictured here during survival training in the Nevada desert. The gentleman front and center is my favorite. Possibly because I have a thing for noses?

Image courtesy of here.

Sometimes I feel sad I wasn't an adult in the 1960s. Then I remember the pilot of Mad Men and I'm like, oh yeah.

On Third Grade.

2011-09-04T23:38:00.002-07:00

Things I remember from Third Grade:

1. I turned 9.

2. We moved from the house I had lived in since I was 5, to the same house I am currently living in.

3. At one point I hid in the school library for an entire afternoon and the school almost called the police.

4. It is the first year I can remember being able to write anything longer than a few sentences.

5. We did a unit about the brain/optical illusions. This is when I learned that those damn Magic Eye posters don't work if you only have one eye.

6. My dad worked nights at the post office, so we had to be quiet during the day so he could sleep (this actually might have been fourth grade).

7. I wore a lot of tie dye and vests. My hair was shoulder length.

8. My best friend Molly and I read palms for play money on Market Day.

9. I got teased for months because a group of boys saw me picking my nose.

10. I was so nervous about the first day of school that I got hives all over my body and had to stay home.

I think about teaching a classroom full of kids that are eight-turning-nine and I feel like they are so young and small. But I don't recall feeling small or young in third grade.

My cooperating teacher is in her sixties. She has a dry, wry sense of humor that I'm curious to see if she shares with the kids. I would categorize her as old school, but in a nice way, not an intimidating way. She's very organized and crafty. She made a joke about growing marijuana to supplement her income during our initial interview. That's when I decided I liked her.

The kids in my class are split about even between boys and girls, and approximately into fourths in terms of race: Hispanic, Black, White and Asian. Most of them were at the same school last year. I don't know why I'm thinking abut them this late on a Sunday. I guess I haven't stopped thinking about them since I saw their list of names.

From the archives: September 2, 2004

2011-09-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

Humorous quotes from my professors! *cymbal crash*

"English spelling is ... disgusting."
Professor Skousen

"'Whom did you see at the dance?' Now you could say this, maybe to one of your rommates. But you would be branded as some sort of weird ... English Major or something."
Professor Skousen

"I don't know what it is with Mormons and food. Have any of you ever been to a church activity, not including the three-hour block on Sunday, wherein there was no food available? Anybody? [no one in the class of 250 raises their hand]. See? Also, I've noticed that we tend to substitute ice cream for alcohol. You know, normal people, if they want to go out casually with someone of the opposite sex, they go out for drinks. But Mormons, they hit up Baskin and Robbins for a quick ice cream, and if they don't like each other, they just take off."
Professor Campbell

"I am proud to say that I missed my grandfather's funeral to attend class out of fear of missing school. Grandpa was proud too, I suspect, since he taught school in Canada, back when going to school was an honor."
Professor Sorenson

"Welcome to English 325. English grammar. How thrilling."
Professor Skousen

"I did not choose to major in Philosophy, nay, but rather I realized that I had been a philosopher all along and just did not realize it. This is not a career path that one would consciously choose. If I could, I'd be really good at ... business. Or something."
Professor Foster

"The death penalty, you have to admit, caters to this Old Testament sense of justice that we use only when it suits our purposes. Really, I don't see any point in killing more people after the fact, especially since we let them live twenty years before we do it anyway."
Professor Sorenson

"Thank you so much for coming to this department meeting! Please help yourself to the refreshments available out in the open-air atrium ... and by that I mean the sidewalk."
The Department Head (I didn't catch his name, or else I just forgot it)

My Grand Return, Dedicated to Vilja Johnson

2011-08-24T00:44:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I was chatting with the abovementioned college friend about the fact that I have not blogged in a while. Yes, there has been the odd post, but I actually wrote those over six months ago and scheduled their release ahead of time. Haha tricked you. Anyway.

I was explaining to her that I feel it’s very important for me to keep blogging while I student teach (starting in a few short weeks WTF), because the memories and experiences of my first “real” year of teaching will be invaluable in the future. On the other hand, I articulated to Vilja, I do so much writing in grad school it’s the last thing I feel like doing for fun. I already express myself so thoroughly in my schoolwork that I don’t feel much of a need for self-expression outside of it.

Then Vilja said, quote, “Nooooo!!! Funny stories!!!!”

Dammit, she’s right. This blog is for the funny stories! So I dedicate any funny stories I write in the next few weeks to you, V. Luckily for her and maybe you as well, my recent "summer vacation" was excellent fodder for the same.

Funny Story Number 1: I am upstaged by a natural disaster

Some/a few of you may know that over the weekend, I went to New York City for a friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful weekend filled with friends, puppets (I saw Avenue Q AND the Jim Henson exhibit at the MOTMI … amazing) and visiting the ancestral island of the Wu Tang Clan. Overall, a wonderful five-day break from school. However, if I could do it all again, I probably would come home two days early instead of midnight the night before. I’m ~~boarding the plane~~ on the plane to Seattle right now, and something tells me that I am going to be very, very tired at my 9AM class tomorrow.

The only two things that you need to know for this story, however, is that I was staying with my cousin in Brooklyn and that the Brooklyn Bridge is currently undergoing some maintenance construction.

Oh! One other thing that is important to know for this story is that I have a thing for being hydrated, and love my water bottle as if it were my own dear child. I left it at a friend’s house last weekend and it was like a part of me was gone.

Okay, exposition over. Here we go.

Scene: Sunday. My cousin and I were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge (which is gorgeous, by the way). The construction obstructed certain parts of the view, but it was a lovely walk nonetheless.

While we were walking, I asked my cousin, “So, why are they doing construction on the bridge? Are they earthquake proofing it or something?”

“Oh no,” she said, with ironic foreshadowing. “New York doesn’t have earthquakes.”

Scene: Monday night. Said cousin and I walk to a tortilla factory/restaurant in Brooklyn and get tacos. It is a super authentic, hole-in-the-wall, INCREDIBLY delicious, cash-only taco extravaganza. Every taco I eat in the future will be compared to those. Then we went home, ate ice cream and watched The Daily Show. Crazy New York party time.

Scene: Tuesday afternoon. I am packing and realize with a minor amount of panic that my water bottle is missing. I look in all the usual places, to no avail. Then I remember I had it at the table with me at the taco place the previous evening, and concluded I must have left it there.

Walking around Brooklyn is awesome, by the way. Reminds me of Sesame Street (or maybe Sesame Street reminds me of Brooklyn?). I get to the taco place, stand in line for a minute and ask if anyone found a pink water bottle on the tables last night. Then I remember that one of the charming, authentic aspects of this taco place is: nobody speaks English. We even wrote our orders in Spanish the previous evening.

I really, REALLY need to learn Spanish, you guys.

Anyway, using hand gestures and repeating the word “water” a lot, I ask if anybody turned in a water bottle the previous night. The woman there said something about a little boy, pointed at her eye a couple of times, and we both looked at each other totally confused.

Just then, the East Coast Earthquake hit.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, so earthquakes don’t particularly faze me. But for all the proprietors and patrons of this establishment, who had presumably never been in an earthquake before, a 5.8 was legitimate cause for FREAKING THE HELL OUT. Everybody there started yelling, calling friends and relatives on their cell phones, asking if everybody else had felt it, etc. It was then that I realized I had lost the room. I was probably not getting my water bottle back, even if they did have it.

In a very George Costanza-like moment, while all this was going down, I asked if the woman wouldn’t mind, pretty pretty please, checking to see if they had my water bottle. She walked next door and came back a few minutes later, empty-handed, but I am positive it was to talk with the neighbors about the earthquake, and not for any other reason.

So this week I am going to buy a new water bottle. The end.

The kind of woman I want to be is:

2011-08-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

"The woman of the future, who is really being born today, will be a woman completely free of guilt for creating and for self-development. She will be a woman in harmony with her own strength, not necessarily called masculine or eccentric or something unnatural. I imagine she will be very tranquil about her strength and her serenity, a woman who will know how to talk to children and to the men who sometimes fear her... The woman of the future will never try to live vicariously through the man, and urge and push him to despair, to fulfill something that she should really be doing herself. So that is my first image -- she is not aggressive, she is serene, she is sure, she is confident, she is able to develop her skills, she is able to ask for space for herself."

Anais Nin, 1976, quoted in this article. 

Also this: 

Cake - Short Skirt/Long Jacket (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Cakes

From the archives: July 13, 2003

2011-07-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

The book of Elisa, chapter 7, verses 1 - 10

In the beginning Elisa was sleeping. And lo, her mother did call up the stairs, saying "Hark, lazybones, church doth start in half an hour. Thou must getteth out of bed and get dressed." And it came to pass that Elisa did so, and her hair remained unwashed, and her skirt was very wrinkled. And behold, the lesson at church was on marriage, and it was the third lesson on marriage this month. And Elisa bethought herself that perhaps the overriding theme of life was being revealed unto her. And the woman next to Elisa saith, "Behold, my son is a law student at Gonzaga, and his prospects are exceedingly fine, and his face is glorious to look upon, and he is like unto Abraham in his righteousness, and wouldst thou like to meet him?" And Elisa said "Nay, nay, for he is exceedingy old, and I am not in the market for a husband, but thank you." And the woman waxed wroth, and walked away, and her countenance was like that of a sad person. And Elisa kept these things, and pondered them in her heart, and thought to herself the reason why everyone wished her married so quickly, and she could find none. And Elisa went in unto her friends, and they had gone watersikiing the previous day, and their bodies were adorned with the pinkness of the sun. And Juliana was exceedingly sorrowful, for her senior pictures were in two days, and her face was like unto a tomato. And Elisa had not gone with them, because she had been toiling and serving food to the Jews, and she mourned. Then Carlos went with Elisa into the third meeting of church, which is called Sacrament Meeting. And Carlos said "Yea, I have to go to the bathroom." And Elisa saith unto him, "Fine." And he did return to her exceedingly wet, for he had wiped his wet hands on his shirt, and Elisa did roll her eyes. And one hour later Elisa drove home, and ate some nachos, and she did wonder why Cori didst not call her, that they might go for a walk, and partake in other such goodness. And Elisa retired, and napped, and thus ended the day of Elisa thus far.

From the archives: June 29, 2003

2011-06-29T15:13:00.001-07:00

So today I went visiting with this woman from church and the following conversation ensued.

Me: So I hear it's really easy to find places in Utah.
Gerry: Yeah, it is, since the streets are on a grid system and most of the streets have numbers instead of names.
Me: Really?
Gerry: Although recently they have been changing some of the street names, I'm not really sure why. The street I used to live on was just changed to Freedom Boulevard, I think.
Me: (making what I think is a very funny joke) Did it used to be FRENCH Boulevard?
Gerry: Nooo... (long awkward silence)
Me: *sigh*

I don't think I'm going to be funny in Utah.

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 6 (white dress)

2011-06-28T06:58:00.003-07:00

Isn't this an interesting photo? I took it at my friend Tiffany's house. Such nice lighting. Very ethereal.

wearing white dress as skirt, grey t-shirt (Wal-Mart ... classy) and chacos.

And yet, despite this picture's potential, this dress still doesn't look very good. It's not a good length and it often rides up. It makes me look wide. When it's worn as a dress, the entire halter is completely pointless. I'm 90% in favor of getting rid of it.

On the other hand, though, I don't have any other white dresses. Even my wedding dress is off-white. So I dunno.

There Ain't No Room in My Cell Phone Plan for You.

2011-06-28T06:33:00.004-07:00

My friend Aaron is pretty much a pop star. He made this video.

Aaron's been in a band for a pretty long time (Eyes Lips Eyes, nee Elizabethan Report) but he has an album coming out soon that's all his solo stuff. It's all this danceable. And I wrote the liner notes.

Also, he's one of the nicest fellas you could ever ask for. Five stars.

P.S. I don't know if this is intentional, but this video was directed by a Matt Heder, and Fresh Big Mouf's persona in this vid is very Napoleon Dynamite-esque. Coincidence?

EDIT: Speaking of coincidences, TODAY is Aaron's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 6 (black and tan shoes)

2011-06-25T23:18:00.004-07:00

wearing black and tan shoes, black pants (Target), Grover shirt (Target) and blue and white striped cardigan (ALSO TARGET MY FAVORITE PLACE EVER)

Even though I wear this shoes pretty rarely, I have a special attachment to them.

1. They were a birthday present my freshman year of college. My friend Mallory and I were shopping at the mall, and I found these shoes at Payless. They were on sale for three dollars, and she was like, "Happy Birthday," and bought them for me. My 19th birthday was not the greatest, and that was the highlight.

2. One time, in an elevator in the JFSB, an old man saw me wearing those shoes, made a face, and said "Are those what the kids are wearing these days?" IT WAS PERFECT.

So I'm not sure these shoes are that great if they anger up the old folks' blood, but I don't think I can quite part with them either.

Do they make YOU want to confront a stranger in an elevator? Vote below!

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 6 (mustard sweater)

2011-06-23T18:58:00.004-07:00

Today I have decided to get rid of two things.

wearing mustard sweater, turquoise skirt (some store in the mall), blue galoshes (GAP)

Two thumbs down for this whole outfit. The sweater makes me look wide, and the skirt is out of style. I'm planning to get rid of both. Love the galoshes though. Thoughts?

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 5 (grey flapper hat)

2011-06-22T22:27:00.003-07:00

Two things to start.

1. Classy people definitely take photos in the bathroom.

2. Just because a gay guy says something looks good and you should buy it, does not make it true.

wearing grey flapper hat, dark blue dress (JC Penney),

black vest (Urban Outfitters) and black studded sandals* (Papaya)

*not that you can see them

also featuring: SPIDER HANDS

I bought this hat at Goodwill because my friend said it was cute. I guess it is, but I also don't really wear hats that often. I kept worrying it was going to fall off. I also worry it looks like I am trying too hard ... to be Annie Hall? Or Grace from Annie? Not really sure.

On the other hand, I did get some compliments on it, but they might have been being passive aggressive.

On the third, alien hand, maybe I could pull off the hat under the right circumstances? I dunno. I am leaning towards getting rid of this, though.

Now that I look at it again, this kind of has a 1840s safari hunter look to it, huh? Which may or may not be a good thing.

From the archives: June 22, 2003

2011-06-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

Can't live with him, can't…*sigh*

Want to hear a sumary of my relationship with my youngest brother as applies to X?

No? Here it is anyway:

Carlos: Elisa, buy me X.
Elisa: No.
Carlos: Pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee.
Elisa: (firmly) No.
Carlos: But I want X! I neeeeeeeed X!
Elisa: No! I have absolutely no/very little money!
Carlos: (throws huge embarrassing tantrum)
Elisa: (turns red. goes home.)

In a word - arghhhhhhhhh.

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 4 (black puffed sleeve dress)

2011-06-20T23:21:00.005-07:00

Look! A less-awkward mirror picture. I actually kind of like it.

wearing black puffed sleeve dress, blue cardigan, turquoise scarf (H&M)

and those silver sandals. oh, how I love them silver sandals.

A big part of this weeding out process is realizing that some of clothes would be totally wearable with a few repairs. For example, all this dress needs is an extra button that will keep me from looking like a 1920s barmaid (hence the scarf, which hides a multitude of cleavage). Maybe a belt. But otherwise I like it. What do you think?

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 3 (black polka dot dress)

2011-06-20T08:52:00.007-07:00

wearing black polka dot dress, blue cardigan (Forever 21) and silver sandals.

So I've had this dress for a while, and I mostly bought it because it has polka dots and I have another brown dress with polka dots that I wear all the time. I figured I would get a lot of wear out of it. But until this weekend, I didn't really. That's because the neckline in front was very low-cut and ruched, so it couldn't be worn without an undershirt. I try to avoid wearing undershirts because they look SO MORMON (not that there's anything wrong with that). Whenever I wear an undershirt beneath a sleeveless dress I feel like I'm going to EFY. So I just never wore this dress.

Then yesterday I doscovered the joy of wearing this dress BACKWARDS!

And now I plan to wear it all the time. I'm also pondering the possibility of getting some opaque black lace and covering the back (formerly the front) and putting some lace cap sleeves on, so I can wear it without a cardigan.

Today is Father's Day. I get to that at the end.

2011-06-19T16:05:00.003-07:00

I should definitely mention that I went to a SIFF documentary screening with Allen, who clearly knows what he's doing in terms of how to win my eternal loyalty. The topic of the doc: Kevin Clash, creator of Elmo from Sesame Street. And of course, we all know how I feel about that show, and puppets in general.

The documentary was remarkably similar in theme and scope to his recent-ish memoir, My Life as a Furry Red Monster (see my not-very-helpful review of that here). But there were some very cool video clips and a tour of the Muppet Studio that were amazing. Furthermore, Muppetry is such a visual medium that Kevin's life story ought to have been a documentary in the first place. I loved seeing him at the screening, and the movie was fun. I only cried a little bit.

I don't know what else to say about it, really. To be blunt, Clash seems like a bit of a workaholic--a well-meaning one, to be sure. On the other hand, is any genius NOT a workaholic, someone devoted to their creations at the expense of all else? Is that the price? And even if you don't think Elmo is that great a character, you have to admit that his status as a cultural phenomena is pretty incredible, and it didn't happen by accident. It was engineered in large part by Kevin Clash, and a lot of the projects related to puppeteering and development of Sesame Street in general can be attributed to Kevin. He's been at it for decades.

One of the more poignant moments was seeing Kevin Clash at his teenage daughter's birthday party. He was clearly giving everything he had to make her party incredibly memorable (a video of celebrities wishing her happy birthday, a cake that looked like it belonged at a Sesame Street-themed wedding) but I, at least (not sure if the viewer was meant to) could sense a detachment from father to child, greater than the usual distance between a teenage girl and her parents. Maybe I was reading too much into it.

On the other hand, if millions of children benefit at the expense of one visionary's family and friends, is that 100% horrible? Do we cluck our tongues at famous scientists who never see their families because they're too busy working on a cure for cancer? It's tricky, because some causes take an entire self, with nothing left.

I remember when my dad was working on a case that took him away from home whenever he wasn't at work. He would either be gone or in his office until 1 or 2 in the morning. The case never went anywhere, either, and it wasn't exactly noble--some sort of revenge on a former client that way way south. My point is, that was the last time I remember feeling somewhat sad that my dad wasn't around much (I was in high school). Ever since then, he's been around a lot, even if we don't want him to be. He hasn't always been the kind of dad you write blog posts about. But he has been around. I guess that's good?

I know this isn't a really platinum endorsement. Reminiscent of this Vonnegut quote, yes?

"If I die, and I hope I don't, I want my tombstone to read, "Someone. Sometime to sometime. He tried."

I going to go out on a limb and say it's better to have a dad who tried than none at all.

From the archives: June 19, 2003

2011-06-19T08:54:00.001-07:00

My first LiveJournal entry of all time.

EDIT: THIS WAS 8 YEARS AGO YOU GUYS WTF

Elisa succumbs to yet another trend

Magic Talking Live Journal: So, Elisa, what did YOU do today?

Elisa Koler: Well, Magic Talking Live Journal, I got up early this morning and went to my first day of work at Luke Casteel and Associates. I sorted dead corporate law files into boxes in the basement of the Fisher Business Center. I got all the way up to 1996!

MTLJ: Holy crap!

EK: Yes. It was highly enjoyable. Almost as much fun as Disneyland.

MTLJ: Can you tell me something interesting about corporate law, Elisa?

EK: I'm sorry, I can't.

MTLJ: Oh. (whispers) Is that because the information you are privy to is confidential?

EK: No. It's because there is nothing interesting about corporate law! And even if there was, I wouldn't have noticed because this morning I was asleep and awake at the same time!

MTLJ: Ha ha ha ha!

EK: After three hours in a very small room with lots of papers, I went home and ate a peanut butter sandwich. Then I went to work at the synagogue. I made and ate lots and lots of knish!

MTLJ: I LOVE knish!

EK: That is because I love knish, and I created you.

MTLJ: Yes, master.

EK: Anyway, while I was at work, my boss punched me in the kidney with a broom!

MTLJ: Ha ha ha ha!

EK: Actually, it hurt a lot. But he said he was sorry.

MTLJ: What an exciting day you have had! What happened afer you were assaulted with a cleaning implement?

EK: Well, I went home and took a shower, because I had somehow managed to get brownie mix in my hair. That was pretty much my day. What about you?

MTLJ: Well, I was just created about 15 minutes ago, and I feel great!

EK: So I guess that makes me kind of like God.

MTLJ: Yes Master.

EK: I love you, Magic Talking Live Journal!

MTLJ: You are my best friend!

EK: Sorry, I'm taken.

Howls

2011-06-16T12:49:00.001-07:00

This is what 4:30 AM looks like.

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 2 (black cardigan)

2011-06-16T12:38:00.003-07:00

Isn't this dress great? However, it is not the focus of today's discussion.

black cardigan, orange dress (Forever 21), calculator watch (Walmart) and chacos (online).

I bought this cardigan at a thrift store because I assumed that I would have lots and lots of use for a black cardigan. This turned out to be untrue. I don't wear this sweater that often, which is weird because it looks fine, right? I think the dual issues at hand are 1. I wear a lot of brown, and wearing black and brown together usually looks dumb and 2. this sweater has kind of a knit, doilie-esque quality that means it would look too loud with a patterned dress.

I think I am going to say yea to this one. But if the Internet disagrees vehemently enough, I might be persuaded.

Should I Get Rid of This?: Day 1 (black lace dress)

2011-06-14T21:49:00.004-07:00

When I first looked at this outfit in the mirror, my immediate thought was "Heavens to Betsy, I'm as big as a house."Wearing black lace dress, black t-shirt (thrifted), black skirt (JC Penney), silver sandals (Target) and silver headband (no idea ... Safeway?)

I bought this dress because it was really comfortable and flow-y and sometimes I like to spin around in a big dress like a five year-old girl. Also, it reminded me a little of 80s-era Madonna, and that's awesome. On the other hand, though, because it's so flow-y, it makes me look big. It would be a smashing maternity piece (I think about these things) but I'm not planning on becoming maternal in the proximate future, so that's a bit irrelevant.

Also, this dress has to be layered rather aggressively, because lace is diaphanous.

I was feeling pretty solid on giving this one away, but I am going to try it with a belt. And I met a friend for lunch and as soon as he saw me he started raving about how much he liked the dress, so that puts us back on the fence, vote-wise.

This really is a cute headband, even though you can't see it.

ITEMZ

2011-06-14T21:28:00.004-07:00

Here is a list of the items I am using for this month's 30 for 30. I like to include descriptions, not pictures, because surprises are fun. Not to mention the laziness factor. That is also important.

Dresses:

Black lace dress (thrifted)

Brown silk dress (random boutique in Paris)

Black polka dot dress (thrifted)

White sequin dress (some booth at Bumbershoot)

Brown maxi dress (thrifted)

Black puffed sleeve dress (BYU Bookstore)

Tops:

Black sequin top (Charlotte Russe one thousand years ago)

Blue cardigan (thrifted)

Red ruffled shirt (Forever 21)

Red sweater (American Eagle, when dinosaurs roamed the earth)

Mustard sweater (Target I think?)

Black cardigan (thrifted)

White ruffle shirt (thrifted)

Blue bodysuit (Forever 21)

Skirts:

Yellow sequin skirt (hand-me-down from Lori)

Colorful South American skirt (thrifted)

Pants (DOES THAT BLOW YOUR MIND?*)

I only own two pairs of pants, you guys.

Turquoise pants (thrifted)

Pleather leggings (Forever 21)

Jackets:

Turquoise blazer (thrifted, matches pants)

Khaki jacket (thrifted)

Grey plaid jacket (Macy's)

Shoes:

Black and tan saddle shoes (birthday gift from freshman year of college)

Brown cork heels (thrifted)

Accessories:

Blue lace gloves (somewhere in Amsterdam)

Brown cowboy belt (thrifted)

Grey flapper hat (thrifted)

Straw hat (Target)

Blue bandanna (probably shot out of a cannon or something)

Yellow stockings (Paris)

Blue knit hat (Urban Outfitters)

Some thoughts:

1. I am seriously not sure how I feel about sequins.

2. Spare me the "leggings are not pants" argument. They are plural, right?

3. If I end up getting rid of all of these things, I will not be losing very much money, because most of these were from Goodwill/DI/VV, etc.

I Love Trash.

2011-06-14T21:13:00.002-07:00

I love Caroll Spinney.

So I have decided to once again participate in this season's 30 for 30. LET'S GET READY FOR MORE POSTS ABOUT CLOTHES YOU GUYS. HOLD ONTO YOUR FIGURATIVE HATS.

Here's the thing. With Kendi's permission, I am choosing to personalize this 30 for 30 to fit my current needs. There are some clothing items I have that I am on the fence about. I need to take 'em out for a further spin and get some feedback on whether or not I should keep them. (Mo, I was partially inspired by you).

So, allow me to present .... 30 f0r 30: the "Should I get rid of this?" Edition!!!

Clothes! Drama! Voting! It's like a reality show up in herrrrre.

Here are the rules of the game:

1. I have 30 items, including shoes, hats, and accessories, and I will make a valiant effort to wear each one at least twice, to really get a feel for the piece.

2. I can accentuate each piece with whatever items I want. The thing is, many of these items are so dramatic/unusual/make me look like a hobo that wearing them all together would be a recipe for clown college. And I'm starting grad school next week. I need to look normal.

3. Please leave comments on each outfit (I will specify what piece is the "featured" one) and let me know if you think I should keep it or get rid of it. I'm asking for your feedback so you won't hurt my feelings.

4. Thanks in advance! XOXOX

TO THE DUDES: I totally want your feedback too. But if you want to take a hiatus from reading my blog for a month, that's cool. Just be aware that YOU WILL ALSO MISS MY POST ABOUT STAR TREK CON WHICH MAY INCLUDE COSTUMES.

I hate these strangers.

2011-06-13T15:09:00.003-07:00

The worst feeling, aside from getting elbowed in the boob, is having to return a library book before I am done with it EVEN IF I HAVE LOTS OF RENEWALS LEFT because some buttmunch has placed a hold on it.

I do not like these people. YOU CAN HAVE THEM WHEN I'M DONE WITH THEM GOSH.

And the library always sides against me.

Catching up, part one.

2011-06-10T14:45:00.001-07:00

Did you know that when you play Apples to Apples, it's also a form of FORTUNE TELLING?

That's right. Whatever cards you win are descriptors of your personality.

Yikes.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

2011-06-09T21:41:00.003-07:00

Go ahead and listen to this song and replace Kotter with Koler:

Have you noticed I have not blogged in a long time? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. I'm not going to apologize for not blogging, because I'M NOT SORRY. I am also not sorry that this quarter is over, because working fulltime and going to school fulltime is totally exhausting. IT IS THE WORST. Did not enjoy. For all those who did that for four plus years: I SALUTE YOU.

Over the past quarter, I have been so frequently pressed for time that I have become disgusting. Evidence:

1. One time I borrowed my employer's husband's deodorant when I needed to go straight from work to school. Fact: ladies should not smell like Old Spice.

2. Once, while eating dinner/studying in bed, I spilled yakisoba sauce on my sheets and rather than wash them, I just slept in them. Fact: I still haven't washed them yet. Probably this weekend.

3. I also washed my hair in the sink at work.

4. Another time, I dumped cornstarch in my hair at work because I needed to go to school and I had not showered. Fact: I am an Italian greaseball.*

5. Tonight, I ate M&Ms for dinner. Plain. Because they were part of the visual aid for my math class.

Don't worry, I have lots of great stuff in the works! Here's a preview:

1. Even more 2011 books.

2. Installment 1 of Book vs. Movie vs. Movie.

3. Installment 2 of 30 for 30: the "Should I get rid of this?" edition.

4. Installment 1 of I Really, Really Love TV.

5. In-depth reporting on Star Trek Con 2011 in Vancouver, BC. HELL YES I AM GOING TO THAT.

6. Kevin Clash.

Here's to a great summer!

*Also fact: I am not Italian.

PERKS

2011-04-26T10:28:00.001-07:00

My awesome friend Brian designs promotional posters for his and other blogs. He emailed me this the other day, saying that I didn't have to use it, but was welcome to.

Duh. I totally love it. Thanks Brian!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-25T10:13:00.003-07:00

I gave up treats (cookies, cake, candy, etc) for Lent. I didn't blog about it at the start, because I wasn't sure how it would go.

Fact: it was successful. I kept to my goal the entire 40 days except for two exceptions:

1. At the Seattle Bike Expo my friend handed me a Smartie from the candy basket at one of the booths. I popped it into my mouth and then realized what I had done. After I spit it into my hand, he ate it.

2. I also took a Swedish fish out of another friend's mouth at a dance party.

So apparently, I am really good at avoiding eating sugar as long as it doesn't involve someone else's mouth. Heyo.

Greetings from the Phoenix airport!

2011-04-18T06:32:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning at 5 AM with this song stuck in my head.

Your explanation is as good as mine.

Not all famous Mormons are people I am ashamed of.

2011-04-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

Know what's cool? Being smart, and being a writer, and being a Jeopardy champion WITHOUT being a giant pretentious douchebag. Also, being a Mormon who doesn't make me cringe every time someone mentions his name (I'm looking at you, G. Beck).

Although I could be talking about my buddy Alison, currently I am talking about Ken Jennings, who is from the same general area where I now live and maybe was at Emerald City Comic Con when I was also there. I didn't see him, but I saw pictures later.

Ken Jennings did his crazy Jeopardy-defeating streak when I was a freshman in the dorms at BYU, and lemme tell you, we were FREAKING OUT. I was on the Honors Floor, though, so we were kind of nerds.

Anyway, Ken was on Reddit (which I infrequent) answering questions, and he was so charming and real and high-fiveable I just wanted to share some highlights. If you have lots of time you can read the whole cotton-pickin' thing here, but it's awfully long. It's worth it, but if you read the whole thing you may or may not be late for whatever you are doing next.

Here are some screenshots that are just funny:

Click to enlarge!

See how funny he is? In such a inclusive way. His humor has a little bit of something for everyone.

This bit, I think, was my most favorite, and summed up quite accurately how I feel about the disconnect I sometimes feel between being "a Mormon" and being myself.

Who could say it better? Only Jesus.

Here are some other choice Mormon jokes/comments. All well done.

This is the kind of stuff that should be on Mormon.org.

I just like this guy so much. The End.

Results are in!

2011-04-15T12:20:00.003-07:00

Good news, guys. Nobody who reads my blogs wants more drugs. This is a good thing, because I don't know how I would satisfy them. Maybe write about the one time I was on morphine? I took valium once too. After an oral surgery. CRAZY.

However, 60% of the 10 people polled said they would like to see some drugs in conjunction with sex and rock and roll. They may or may not be in for some disappointment.

I think I am going to put some other widget in place of these polls.

The Perfect Vagina

2011-04-15T11:39:00.002-07:00

The perfect vagina from heather leach on Vimeo.

Remember a few years ago when it seemed like everyone and their mom was getting a bikini wax? I thought it was weird that the current standard of beauty for women's genitals is apparently to look as prepubescent as possible. I still think that's weird. Clearly I don't watch enough porn.*

Anyway, so on Mormon Therapist the other day I found a link to this documentary which details an even disturbinger new trend: VAGINA PLASTIC SURGERY.

I repeat: PLASTIC SURGERY FOR YOUR VAGINA.**

And in this case we're not talking about women with birth defects or harrowing trauma from a vaginal birth gone wrong, or a Frida Kahlo-esque freak accident. We're talking about women who feel insecure enough about the size or shape of their clitoral hood or labia minora to be willing to be PAY TO HAVE SOMEONE TO CHOP IT OFF.

This is not cool, you guys.

This documentary has some graphic imagery, but if you can handle it, please watch it. It has a pretty empowering message. Also, British slang.

*or any porn. Let's be honest.

**specifically, surgery on the clitoris and labia, not on the vagina itself. I am keeping with lexical trends in using the word "vagina" to mean "the female genital area."

P.S. I am pretty excited to see what google searchers will be directed to my blog because of this site. VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA.

Ask me how it feels to be right.

2011-04-14T09:07:00.004-07:00

Answer: it feels delicious.

You may recall my tongue-in-cheek review of a certain rip-off known as "Your Baby Can Read." The title alone gives it away. Babies can't read! Neither can they drive. Their legs are too short. Not a big deal, just one of those things.

Now a bunch of parents are suing the company for being deceived. Lesson learned: EVEN DUDES WITH PHDS CAN LIE.

I don't want to say, "I told you so," but--wait a minute. Yes I do!

Here's another blogger's amusing commentary on the lawsuit. I do not know him personally, but I read his blog. Is that weird? Do I care?

Things that made me cry today.

2011-04-13T14:23:00.002-07:00

1. A radio ad about breast cancer.

2. The end of The Land Before Time.

2011 Books: the books I didn't like edition

2011-04-10T14:05:00.001-07:00

Buy-ology by Martin Lindstrom

I admit to enjoying a Malcolm Gladwell book every once in a while, but often those "entertaining non-fiction" genre pieces turn out to just be one massive exercise in stating the obvious. This book claims to revolutionize our ideas about why people respond to advertisements the way they do, and some of the brain studies he mentioned were kind of interesting. But he seems shocked to learn that people lie. Duh. Of course people aren't honest about why they buy things, because the real answers are usually pathetic. I know this, and I am neither an advertising expert nor a scientist.

Additionally, in his afterward about the 2008 financial crisis, he mentions that since the recession, condom sales have gone up. Lindstrom postulates the reason for this is that in times of stress, people find solace in their sexuality. Or maybe people are just worried about getting pregnant during a financial crisis? Sheesh. Idiot.

Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel

Remember Twilight? Of course you do. This is 80s Twilight for the sexually deviant. I hated this book, but I had to finish it because it was part of my banned books project AND I DO NOT ABANDON MY GOALS JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING SUCKS.

I wish I could articulate all the reasons why this book was so awful. The writing was cheesy, and incredibly repetitive. I don't know where/if Ms. Auel got her English degree, but apparently she missed ALL THE LECTURES on showing vs. telling. Here is an exemplary paragraph, written by me:

Krum glared at Ayla, his eyes filled with rage. He was furious. Ayla was sad. Tears ran down her face. She knew Krum was angry. She thought he did not love her. He had told her he loved her before. But maybe now that he was angry, he did not love her anymore. The thought broke her heart. She sobbed.

Imagine 468 pages of that kind of repetition. Hopefully you know understand why this book made me want to claw out my eyes.

Also, in Jean Auel's crazy universe, cavemen did not know that sex makes babies. Somehow, they know that when animals mate, the lady animal gets pregnant, but they have not extended that logic to themselves. Which is basically just an excuse to write a bunch of uncomfortable rape scenes.

Bad writing + bad history + sexual deviance = I will not be reading the rest of the series.

2011 Books, part two

2011-04-10T13:52:00.000-07:00

Maus II: And Here My Troubles Began by Art Spiegelman

I didn't realize this until after I bought a copy of each volume, but there are only two volumes in this series and they are more often sold condensed into one book. Art Spiegelman was apparently approached by people who wanted to make his books into movies, after-school specials, etc. I'm glad he didn't.

One of the best things about this series (and about a lot of autobiographical graphic novels, more so than other biographical works, in my opinion) is its unflinching honesty. Spiegelman is very blunt about his flaws and his father's flaws, and it makes the entire work much more humanizing. Whereas sometimes we continue to dehumanize those that survived the Holocaust by refusing to acknowledge their human flaws, this does the opposite. These books are incredible.

Unclutter Your Life in One Week by Erin Dooland

I don't read a lot of this type of non-fiction, but I've been following Dooland's Unclutterer blog for a long time now and I really appreciate what she has to say. I think she does a great job of having a proven system without insisting that it's the perfect fit for everyone. I really like her work.

This book was really fun and a quick read. Not all of it was applicable to me right now because I don't work in an office, but I still liked it. I think her suggested system would be practical to accomplish in one week. You know, if one didn't live with a compulsive hoarder.

In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson by Bette Bao Lord

This might sound weird--actually, I know for a fact this is gonna sound weird, but I have lots and lots of memories of browsing through my teacher's library in fifth grade, and this is one of her books that I always noticed but never picked up, probably because I wasn't much of a baseball fan and assumed that's all it was about.

Apparently, my family has a copy as well. Probably because my younger brother loved baseball? I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this book. I kept putting it down for a few days, but I always came back to it. This book tells the story of Shirley Temple Wong, who immigrates with her family to Brooklyn from China in the 1940s. It describes her assimilation into her school, into the apartment house she lives in, into her neighborhood and community in general. Baseball is a big part of that for her. It's a very sweet story, and it stayed interesting even for someone like me who doesn't love baseball.

A History of Violence by John Wagner

There are some graphic novels where I know that a movie exists but I am not positive I want to see it. Even though graphic novels can be disturbing, violence or cruelty in a inked-out panel is just not as harrowing as violence on a screen. I wish I had gotten to Ashley and told her to read Watchmen BEFORE seeing the movie, but sometimes these things just happen. Sorry about that, Ash.

Anyway, I liked this book, but there is NO WAY I am going to see the movie. I do not care how many awards it got or how handsome Viggo looks. Do I even need to explain why I don't want to see this? The story is violent. I don't like seeing movies about mafia dudes torturing people. No thanks. But the book was fairly interesting. I didn't hate it.

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Part of my banned books project. I think this book was even in the top ten. It only took me a few pages to figure out why.

INCESTINCESTINCESTEWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Anyway, this book was really great. A little slow at times, but the characters were amazing. Some decent redemption at the end, along with a lot of tragedy. Reminded me a lot of Precious, with a slightly happier ending. I think people should read this book.

Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love by Jim Ottaviani

So the funny thing is, I found this via library browsing and had no idea what it was really about. Turns out, it's about a famous study I've read about a number of times that demonstrated the importance of parent-child emotional bonding. Really short, but cool book. SCIENCE!!!!!!

Handwriting Activity

2011-03-17T15:51:00.005-07:00

From Kayla, who clearly, I can't get enough of. The questions:

1. what's your name and blogger name?

2. what's your blog's URL?

3. Write, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

4. Favorite quote?

5. Favorite song?

6. Favorite band/singers?

7. Anything else you want to say?

I was in the mood for some origami today. (Click to enlarge!)

Proof that I'm a woman of my word.

Frenemies?

2011-03-16T10:00:00.002-07:00

This video might be funny only to me. There's not a ton of payoff.

I love how Mandu the Dog looks at me like, "Why are you doing nothing to stop this?"

Note to Facebook readers: you have to click through to see it. Duh.

OMG FAMOUS!!!!!!!!

2011-03-14T13:05:00.007-07:00

My dear friend from college has a right successful fashion blog that I recently guest-posted on. Click and enjoy, and then subscribe to her blog because she is funny and her blog is about things you probably want to know.

Freckles in April: a Modest Fashion Blog

From the archives: March 13, 2004

2011-03-13T16:13:00.001-07:00

Embarrassing Story Time!!!!

Probably everyone in the ward has either heard of or played Bryan Robison’s game known as “Good Idea/Bad Idea.” I will now utilize his method of storytelling to relate an embarrassing incident that happened, oh, about fifteen minutes ago.

Nancy calling the IT services office to get help with her computer, which was not working = GOOD IDEA

IT services sending a male type to the girls’ dorm to fix the computer in question = AS YOU WILL SOON SEE, BAD IDEA

Elisa returning home from Frisbee and deciding to take a shower = GOOD IDEA

Elisa entering the hall clad only in a towel = BAD IDEA

Elisa remaining silent so that the male type will not turn around and see her, then ducking back into the room as the male type exits the floor = GOOD IDEA

Rachel laughing at the expression on Elisa’s face = BAD (ALTHOUGH UNDERSTANDABLE) IDEA

Elisa enacting revenge by chasing Rachel down the hall, still only wearing a towel = SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME

Elisa (not realizing that the male type was, in fact, still on the floor, waiting for the elevator) running right past him = BAD IDEA

Elisa ducking behind the wall and waiting for the male type to leave as Rachel mocked and mocked and mocked = THE BEST IDEA AVAILABLE

Writing this up for the ward journal = ???????????

2011 Books, part one

2011-03-09T13:00:00.001-08:00

I know you've been waiting for this on the edge of your seats. I promise to try to blog every 5-6 books from now on instead of every 10+, to make these posts easier to digest. Starting next time. Pinky swears.

Anyway, these are the books I have read so far this year:

Go Ask Alice by Anonymous

This was not the cover on the copy I read, by the way. It was green and a little less YA-looking. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Diaries are often considered YA fodder, anyway.

This was part of my banned books project, and it was another one of those books that made me cry and sent me into a brief period of despair when it was over. Not to be a Spoiler Spencer, but the end of this book is really, really sad, and also very unsatisfying. The girl who wrote this diary is an amazingly talented writer. It makes me angry that this is the only piece she ever had published.

I will probably force my teenage children to read this book and they will be like, geez, Mom, already knew drugs were bad, thanks; and then I will be like yeah, but this book shows you why drugs are so bad, and they will roll their eyes.

The End by Lemony Snicket

I chose this cover even though it is clearly for the audio version because OMG, Tim Curry? Why was he not cast as Lemony Snicket in that decent-but-could-have-been-better film?

I spent an entire summer a few years ago hanging out in the children's section of the BYU library reading this entire book series as had been published at the time. Because I am cool. Then I got really busy and wasn't able to read the last two books in the series until fairly recently. Snicket did a good job of tying the series up, I think. I have heard good things he has written under his real name, so I'll have to check those out later.

Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata

This was one of those books I had checked out once or twice before, but returned before I had a chance to read it. It's a really sweet story. Definitely deserved the attention it got. I had a hard time at first placing exactly what era it was set in at first, but that's really secondary to the plot, anyway.

I would totally read this to a fifth or sixth grade class.

In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak

Another one from the banned books project. I am making serious headway on it this year.

When I think Maurice Sendak, I think of two things. One, he designed the sets for the Pacific Northwest Ballet's yearly production of the Nutcracker, and they are breathtaking. Two, Where the Wild Things Are, quite possibly the best, most timeless picture books of all time.

I had never heard of this book before seeing it on the list, and it was OK, but not nearly as tightly written or as expressive as WTWTA. I figured out why it was banned really quickly--the young male protagonist is naked for much of the story. Some people are freaked out by nudity even when it's with little kids, I guess. The nudity did seem kind of unimportant to the story however, so it would have been easier to just leave it out ... who knows why he made the choice he did.

Some people find this book very Freudian. Just a thought.

The Reader by Bernhard Schlink

I found this book while browsing aimlessly at the library. I had heard of the Academy Award-winning film for which Kate Winslet, one of my favorite actresses, had received a Best Actress Oscar, but I hadn't got around to seeing the movie. Now I'm glad I did, because this book was incredibly compelling, and I liked being able to be surprised by the story as it developed.

Oddly, I identified with the main female character, even though she is not the heroine by any means. The whole book is very sparse and kind of cold, even though it is about a love affair that it describes in vivid detail.

I don't know what else to say about the story, but seriously, read this book.

The Stupids Have a Ball; The Stupids Take Off; The Stupids Step Out, all by Harry Allard

This entire series is on the banned books list, and I read all of them except for one. They are pretty consistent in theme so I don't think I'm missing a whole lot.

I imagine these books were banned because it's not very nice to call people "stupid." I can't think of any other reason why. The family is basically an oblivious group of idiots who blissfully go through life sleeping in clown suits, letting the cat drive the car and walking on their hands. I think a lot of children find it fun and gratifying to be able to look at a group of people behaving contrary to norms and knowing that they know better (another example of this is the character Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street). Recognizing when something is out of the ordinary is one of the test criteria for autism, as I understand it. So while it is not nice to call people stupid, I think these books have value for very young children.

NOTE: here is what it says on Wikipedia: "Challengers of the books claim that they describe families in a derogatory manner and may encourage children to be disobedient. They also claim that they promote low self-esteem and negative behavior." How's that for some ridiculous?

Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam

First of all, this book was awesome. It was another kids' book from the banned books list. Second, it was obviously banned because it has references to the devil and the supernatural. Third, people need to lighten up because the poems were hilarious and scary stories are good clean fun. Here is a sample poem from the book.

Apple

Apple,

sweet apple,

what do you hide?

Wormy and

squirmy,

rotten inside.

Apple,

sweet apple

so shiny and red,

taste it,

don't waste it,

come and be fed.

Delicious,

malicious;

one bite and

you're dead.

See what I mean? The poem is funny, a little spooky, but the kind of spooky like in a Disney movie where you know the villain has a bumbling sidekick and probably a really hilarious weakness. I really wish people would think these things through.

Sleepwalk with Me and Other Painfully True Stories by Mike Birbiglia

I was really excited to read this book because Mike Birbiglia is one of my favorite comedians and contributes to my two favorite podcasts, The Moth and This American Life. Unfortunately, because I have heard so much of his work, some of these stories I had heard before. But they were still funny and delightful. Great book .

Blubber by Judy Blume

From the banned books list, and surprisingly, one of the few Judy Blume books I had not read. I had always assumed this book was about what it was like to be a chubby kid. In fact, it is told from the point of view of another girl in Blubber's class. It's mostly about bullying. At first everyone in the class, including the protagonist, who is so boring and forgettable that I have already forgotten her name, bullies Linda, AKA Blubber. The bullying is the kind of vicious stuff from your childhood that you always assume you just remember wrong as an adult, but then realize is actually universal. Then the class switches targets and everyone bullies protagonist, including Linda.

That is really depressing, and I want to believe that most (some?) bullied kids would refuse to bully others. Am I being too idealistic? Maybe.

My Life as a Furry Red Monster by Kevin Clash

Yes, yes indeed I am a TOTAL puppet nerd. I remember seeing this charming interview with Kevin Clash a while back, and being like, "Dude, the guy who performs Elmo is a tall, good-looking black guy? This is the same kind of cognitive dissonance I experienced when I found out Miss Piggy was played by a balding bespectacled British dude!"

Anyway, this is a typical famous person memoir: ghost-edited by someone with a better handle on writing, lots of shout-outs to famous mentors, loving memories of family members. However, I still ate it up. Good times.

It Can't Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis

This is another one of those books that is so good I am worried about doing it justice. The back cover described the story as "eerily timeless" and that is a pretty apt summary. It was written in 1935, but the narration and characters feel so modern, it really was eerie. There are a lot of political issues and trends that I assumed had only been around for the past 30 years or so, but I was totally wrong.

Assuming my Wikipedia skimming did not fail me for the first time, this book was written after Hitler had come to power, but before the United States was involved in the conflict, possibly before they even cared what was happening in Europe. Sinclair explores the idea of how a Hitler-like Fascist dictator could easily come to power in the United States. It is brilliant. Also creepy.

The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis

I have read the first book in this series (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) probably five or six times, and I am pretty sure I had the next three or so read to me when I was little, but I recently decided to read the entire series. I did some research about whether or not to start with this book, seeing as it's a prequel that was written after the series (just like The Hobbit, which I also read first). I decided that I wanted to read the prequel first, especially considering that I had read the "real" first book in the series so many times already.

Aslan is quite possibly my favorite allegory for God/Jesus outside scriptural canon. The scene where Digory tells Aslan about his mother made me cry.

Also, Do you think this is where J.K. Rowling got Cedric Diggory's last name?

Fact.

2011-03-09T08:21:00.001-08:00

This is why God invented maxi dresses.

You might think I am joking, but I am SO NOT.

2011-02-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

Meat Loaf is the gatekeeper to all things awesome.

This post has been percolating in my mind for the past few weeks, but when Kelsy posted an eerily similar post about the magic of Steve Buscemi, I knew it was time for action. It is beautiful to have the kind of friends who can shout with me, with a glorious mixture of shock and joy, "SO-AND-SO IS IN THIS?!?"

Here is the thing. If Meat Loaf is in a movie, it is either awesome to begin with or it becomes awesome because he is in it. Let's start with the most obvious example.

Robert Paulson in Fight Club.

Not only was this an amazing film, Meat Loaf rocked this particular character by playing him with both affection and a lack of vanity. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, this movie is actually a little bit better than the book, and the book was pretty good.

If you know me, you know this is the highest compliment I can give a film.

Eddie in the Rocky Horror Picture Show

I went to one of those midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show about a year ago with some friends, which provided me with enough material for the rest of my blogging life, should I ever choose to share it. One of the nice details of the much-celebrated "audience participation" bit was when Meat Loaf's character is (spoiler alert!) revealed to be dead, everyone in the audience chants in unison, "His name was Robert Paulson, his name was Robert Paulson."

Get it?

The song that Eddie performs in this movie sounds exactly like every Meat Loaf song, ever, which doesn't say much for his artistic range, but does say a lot for the credo, "find something that works for you and do it over and over."

Speaking of this credo, Meat Loaf likes to drive buses.

Hoover in Leap of Faith

Even harnessing the power of the Internet, it was hard to find a photo of this role ... I think the film is out of print? But IMDB had one, albeit untagged. Can you find Meat Loaf in this photo?

You found him! Yay!

Have you seen this movie? It's pretty charming. Manages to poke fun at religion without being entirely cynical. Meat Loaf plays the (inexplicably named) bus driver/keyboard player Hoover. He's by no means a central character, but he is a great ensemble member. Note: Steve Martin was way better when he was playing lovable idiots and jerks, not dads.

Dennis in Spice World

Why yes, I watched this movie again on Netflix in order to get

a screenshot of this role. And I was happy to do it.

OK, before you scoff at the fact that I have even SEEN this movie, I ask you, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOVIE? It is awesome. Hilarious. You don't even have to be a Spice Girls fan to enjoy it (but it's cool 'cause I am one).

Still not convinced? What about this?

Tiny in Wayne's World

Thanks Nostomanic for the perfect prelabeled picture.

Also thanks to Google Image Search for leading me to it.

I repeat. Meat Loaf has a brief cameo in Wayne's World, one of the best things to come out of the 90s.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

A post about Dating or, allow me to bitch at you for a few hundred words.

2011-02-18T15:03:00.006-08:00

Today is February 18th. For those of you who really live in the moment, four days ago was Valentine's Day. I have never been a huge fan of said holiday, even as a kid, especially not since Spencer Bolton put a Valentine in my fourth grade mailbox that said, "You're stupid." I tattled on him, so I got my vengeance. But still. Not cool.

Don't worry, this post isn't about that overwrought fictional holiday. It's about what I did that night. And a decision I've made that I may or may not stick to.

So seeing as V-Day (or VD for even shorter) fell on a Monday eve this year, church folks put together a massive all-Seattle-metro Family Home Evening, so that all the sad single Mormons between 18 and 35ish could get together and flirt and potentially heal themselves of their tragic, crippling loneliness. It was to be a potluck/open mike night, which is a totally awesome idea. And the food, to get my positive thoughts out of the way from the start, was delicious.

Although large-scale activities are not always my thing, I was excited about this one. Lots and lots of people, and because Seattle attracts awesome people, a majority of them were bound to be cool, right?

If you are attempting to predict what I am about to say, you're probably wrong. I'm not going to complain that I felt too old to be there (silly you, that was the Sweet Meet). I am not going to complain that there were no cute guys there (there were lots). And I am not going to complain that there were lots of cute guys there but none of them paid attention to me (eh, not really applicable).

So what was my problem, then? It was threefold. All of them fall under the general umbrella of "actually, even in Seattle, a lot of Mormons my age are assholes."

Grievance the first. The first act at the open mike was a sweet girl from my ward who dressed up and did a monologue. It was ADORABLE. And she was GOOD. Also, she has balls the size of watermelons (figuratively) because doing a monologue in front of a couple hundred people is SCARY. Unfortunately, the thing about insecure people is that they like to undermine people who do things they are too puss to do. So, not only did approximately three quarters of the people keep talking while this girl was performing, a whole lot of them made snarky comments about it.

What's worse, for the rest of the open mike event, hardly anyone shut their damn mouth-hole. That pissed me off, maybe more than it should have. But seriously, if someone took the time to prepare something for an FHE, the least you can do is shut up and listen to it. That is literally the least you can do. Anything else is dehumanizing and disrespectful.

Grievance the second, and yeah, they are all this petty. After this extremely well-attended event was over, there were still lots of people milling around. There was also a TON of trash everywhere. Lots and lots of disposable dishes and empty soda cans and spilled food etc. My poor friend Erin was spinning off her rocker with stress, so a couple of other girls and maybe two guys started helping her clean up. There was lots and lots to stuff to do and it was pouring rain outside. Meanwhile, there were easily fifty or sixty dudes just hanging out, hands in pockets, talking to each other, not doing anything.

They kept standing there for another hour. Nobody offered to help clean up, nobody offered to take out some of the overflowing garbage bags outside to the dumpster. I could say something about chivalry being dead, but we all know that it's been dead for decades. Helping to clean up is just basic human decency. By this point, I was livid.

The last grievance is that when another friend cut her finger and got a little sick to her stomach at the sight of blood, none of the guys who noticed offered to help with that, either.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Anyone who knows my history of relationships knows that my standards are not exactly sky-high, but I could not believe what insensitive jerks those boys were. I was so upset I may or may nor have walked by one group of them and hissed "I can't believe nobody is helping. No wonder no woman wants you." Sadly, I think only one of them heard me, and he had the class to actually look guilty.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than bother with any boy who would be that rude and inconsiderate. Even thinking about it right now makes me want to punch someone. Because what I just complained about is NOT too much to ask. It's not like I'm upset because nobody played the guitar for me outside my window. Really, it has nothing to do with me. Nobody helped me, which is fine because I am not that cute, but nobody helped any of the cute girls who were cleaning up, either. Except for Laird. And some tall Asian guy.

It blows my mind sometimes how unsympathetic Mormons can be. No empathy for others, only boo-hoo I'm twenty-eight and I've never been laid woe-is-me. It's psychopathic. It's immoral.

In short, Mormon guys can suck it until they learn how to be kind, because they suck. Did you see how I used suck in one sentence, but with two difference meanings? That means I'm too mad to care about potential semantic confusion. That's really mad.

Also, if anyone wants to protest that THEIR super classy Mormon husband is the exception to the rule, or you, yourself, are the exception to the rule: save it. I don't believe you. It's a numbers game, and everyone in this city is a loser.

THE END

Note: after reading this through, I get how ironic is it that I am responding with such unsympathetic vitriol to people I see as unsympathetic. It's like how I judge people for being judgmental. I get that I'm a hypocrite. But you wanted to know why I was pissed off on Monday, and now you do. Purged. XOXO

SUCKERS!!!!!!

2011-02-17T12:25:00.003-08:00

In case you were curious, another round of 30 for 30 is going on at Kendi's Korner and across the Internets, but I am not participating. Why not? Democracy is why not.

You see, the people have spoken, and they have said they don't want to see me blog about clothes for a month, because when I have a daily blogging goal like unto such, I generally don't blog about other things (at least, that's was Vilja's line of reasoning).

But then, hahaha suckers! I haven't really been blogging much anyway. I've been super busy with work and getting my ducks in a row before school starts. I can't promise I will be blogging as much as I was when I was an unemployed stay-at-home attic-cleaner, but I do promise that I have some good stuff in the works (including some 2011 book reviews, and a REALLY INTENSE post about dating ... eh? Anybody perking up?). So please don't give up on me yet.

Also, if you totally super hearted my last 30 for 30 and are disappointed that I didn't end up doing it again, then clearly democracy doesn't work, and won't so long as folks have to DO something in order to participate besides complaining about it after the fact.

XOXO

Why yesterday was the best day for birds.

2011-02-09T08:47:00.001-08:00

1. It was not rainy or frosty.

2. I saw a whole avocado lying in the street. Picked clean.

From the archives: Jan 26, 2004

2011-01-25T09:21:00.004-08:00

Presented without comment, with names changed to protect some of them from seeing this when they Google themselves.

(Hi Lori! Remember this paper? Miss you.)

NOTE: In case you are bad at math, I wrote this when I was 19.

"On the morning of August 14th, 2003, I logged onto my parents’ computer with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Being the unbelievably patient person I am, I had to restrain myself from grabbing the ancient purple iMac by the neck (if it had a neck, try to picture it) as it sloooooowwwwlllly chugged its way to the BYU homepage, then to the on-campus housing, than to my name, which provided a link to the name of my future roommate and her address.

My first reaction was to laugh out loud. My next was a timorous moan, followed by a surge of fear so powerful I can still recall the way my fists clenched, digging my fingernails into my palms.

“Loralee Barratt. Allen, Texas.”

Loralee. Texas. I don’t cuss, but the closest phrase that I can think to describe my feelings right at that moment is “Oh, s***.”

The next morning I went out for drinks with my best friend, her boyfriend and our World Literature teacher, mentor and former Texan Rich Sandford. He asked about my imminent departure for Utah, and I told him my roommate’s name and origin.

“Allen, eh?” Rich commented. “That’s a small town near Dallas. Near the University of Texas.”

“The University of what now?”

Rich chuckled. “Also known as the home of the George W. Bush Memorial Library. Allen’s a small town, too. She’ll probably be really conservative. Have fun.” Burt, Cori and Rich all laughed and again, a stream of panicked expletives ran through my head.

Coming to BYU was hands-down one of the scariest experiences of my life, and I have been in three car wrecks and woken up in the middle of a generally anesthetized surgery. My fears about BYU can be summed up as follows: I am politically liberal, and thus, Utah scares me. I came to BYU sight unseen, without so much as a campus visit under my belt. The stories my ward members told me did nothing to abate my fear that Utah would be isolated and narrow-minded, that my professors would be misogynistic Reaganites, and most of all, that everyone would hate me. Still, I could not deny that somebody upstairs wanted me at BYU. My other college prospects had refused to pan out for myriad financial and logistical reasons. Despite my love for all things Seattle, I had to leave the state. So Utah it was, to live with a Texan whose name sounded to me like a bastardization of an archaic Greek siren. And a Texan, no less. What would become of my political cartoon collection? My constant barrage of snide remarks about the Bush administration? For the next three weeks I bit my proverbial nails and pondered what sort of ordeal Heavenly Father had in store for me.

Loralee Barratt. Loralee Barratt. It sounded so high-maintenance. I knew that we would not get along. Well, I knew in the sense that I know that a food is disgusting before I try it. I figured our relationship would work in one of two ways: either we would completely despise each other and never speak, or we would tolerate each other’s presence and … never speak. Never did it occur to me that we might actually get along.

I took to, whenever referring to my elusive roommate, saying her name in my worst Southern drawl, My friends picked it up too, and until I left for Utah, our source of entertainment when we ran out of other material was my BYU Texan Republican roommate.

One day I checked my email and noticed a new message from a lonishia@hotmail.com. It was my roommate. Her email, which was short and completely devoid of capitalization, asked, among other things, if I was aware that we were on the Honors Floor in Deseret Towers.

“i just signed up for the honors floor as a joke. im so worried that were gonna be with a bunch of nerds.” She wrote. I am a nerd. My panic, which before had seemed slightly judgmental and unfounded, took full and horrid effect.

The car trip to Provo and long and uneventful, and when we finally arrived at the dorms, I went in unto the elevator, rode up to the seventh floor and located my new residence, 704. The room was empty, no sign of the roommate or any of her stuff. Since New Student Orientation didn’t start for two more days, I wasn’t that concerned. I took over the west side of the room, since it had a slightly bigger desk, unpacked, and slept that night at my friend’s house in American Fork. The next few days were filled with the mundane and middle school-esque goings-on of New Student Orientation, and still no roommate. I talked about her with the members of my Y Group, and we wondered if Loralee Barratt would ever show up at all.

That evening, three green Tupperware cartons, a giant black suitcase, a sewing machine and a gigantic stereo arrived at our abode, accompanied by my tall, blond, and extremely cute roommate. This was a problem heretofore unperceived: that my roommate would be much more attractive than I, that I would feel repulsive in comparison and that boys would be nice to me only in an effort to get an “in” with my hot roommate. Again with the internal monologue of expletives, although since I was now in Utah, these words were more along the lines of “Oh my hecking freak of a shoot gosh darn hot roommate.” Still, I thought a civilized greeting would be the wisest course of action.

“Hello. You must be Loralee,” I smiled my most sincere fake smile, the one I usually reserve for applying for loans or asking favors at the Washington Department of Transportation.

“Oh.” Was her response. “I go by Lori.”

The wave of relief was decidedly physical. At least she had a nickname that wasn’t Loralee. There was still the matter of her hotness, but the fact of the matter was, all my perceptions of her had been based on her name, and now I had learned that it wasn’t even her name. Lori, I figured, would be much easier to deal with than Loralee.

I didn’t see my roommate much for the next few days, since she had friends from back home that took up most of her time, and also went out on dates that lasted until five o’clock in the morning. We proved to have multiple things in common, such as a preference for loud music (although she preferred hers much later than I) and a mutual affection for my belongings. The girl borrowed EVERYTHING, and it would have bothered me except that she was equally generous with her shoes, of which she had many. She even gave me a pair of sandals she didn’t want anymore. I never wear them, but that was nice.

Lori likes to say that our roommate relationship is based on lies and deceit. That is absolutely not true, which is in itself a huge lie, because for the first month or so of our living arrangement, I was scared of Lori. She seemed so cool, and I was intimidated by her, since I am decidedly not cool. Fortunately, I had some things that she didn’t, such a computer, and Dining Plus, and the ability to use the word “good” in proper context, so I was able to be of some use to her. Thus I was able to lull myself into believing that we were on somewhat even grounds, with her social know-how and my inherent knack for owning things.

To make a long story short, Lori and I have reached a Zen-like understanding. She confides in me about boys, and life, and I correct her grammar as she does so. Lori has improved my coolness quotient significantly by helping me in my effort to wear clothes that improve my “game,” as it were. She also plucks my eyebrows and teaches me how to break-dance. It’s strange how our relationship was blossomed into the beautiful entity that it is. We laugh with and at each other, and politics rarely surfaces in our conversations, not that Lori would get upset if it did. In short, my roommate is cool, and I like her, and I’m possibly living with her next year. Who woulda thunk that a Seattle Liberal and a Smokin’ hot Texan would end up getting along so well."

Thursday Five.

2011-01-20T21:30:00.003-08:00

Note: This came up when I did a google image search for "side of despair." I was so sad, my face fell off! Also, is there really a recording artist our there named "Mister Flu"? Inquiring minds will check it out later.

Here is your Thursday Five.

It ain't alliterative, but it's what I got.

1. When it rains job offers, it pours them like burning melted butter onto the skin of my wrist when I was just trying to make some rice krispys treats.

2. Tukwila is the ugliest, worst city in the world. I hate riding the bus there, and I resent how long it takes to ride the bus back.

3. I had my spine x-rayed last week and it turns out all the vertebrae in my back are grotesquely twisted to the right. My theory is that this is because I am blind in my left eye and thus turn to the right much more often than to the left. I also sleep on my right side.

4. Yesterday my goal was to make and eat an entire pan of rice krispys* treats. I ate one third, with a side of despair. It passed (the despair).

5. There is a new poll. Unlike my last one, this one is possibly interesting to people who are not me. Also, I have lots of new clothes. Do with that information what you will.

*Am I spelling that right?

Post-2010 Report

2011-01-08T14:39:00.007-08:00

It's common for bloggers to take stock of their lives at the end of the year and write about their goals, hopes, etc for the upcoming. I am not going to do this because 1. 2010 kinda sucked and 2. 2011 is shaping up to be AWESOME but I don't want to jinx it.

However, it is quite important for me to take stock of my reading every year, so here are some graphs. I read 67 books this year, which is pretty good considering none of them were assignments for school, but pales in comparison to rock stars such as Janssen. As you can see, my split between kids/YA/adult books was reasonably even, with all three genres represented, although I showed a strong leaning towards books written for adults. This is because I am an adult.

NOTE: sometimes, it is hard to determine if a book is a children's book or a YA book. Obviously picture books are meant for children, but some chapter books can be kind of nebulous. I used a mathematically proven algorithm known as "thinking about how old the protagonist is and whether the book has adult themes, then guessing."

Clearly, I show a strong preference for fiction over non-fiction.

Shockingly, most of the books that I read, I liked. Spoiler alert--two of the books I did not like were Twilight. Additionally, contrary to popular belief, I do not ONLY read comic books.

This may or may not have been interesting to anyone who is not me.

The rest of the 2010 books!!!!

2011-01-06T23:45:00.003-08:00

The Big Kahn by Neil Kleid

This graphic novel is about the son of a Jewish Rabbi whose last name is Kahn, who turns out to have a compelling secret: he is a former grifter who was not born into the Jewish faith! A CON artist! Con? Kahn? Get it?

Sorry about that. Aside from this books puntacular title, it was really, really good. I liked how they focused equally on the religious faith and the religious culture and how both of those draw and repel people at different stages of their lives. I think my Mormon readers will find a lot of parallels. Especially with the role of gossip in even the most high-minded religious communities.

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

The thing I am really proud about is that I read this book without buying it or getting it from the library or borrowing it from a friend. I read the first section at Borders, the second at Third Place Books and the third while I was baby-sitting for a friend after the kids were asleep. Bam!

This means I had heard some spoilers by my hardcore friends who finished the book the first week it came out, but it didn't ruin the experience for me. I was relatively satisfied by the romance, although I wish the ending had been less abrupt. Nevertheless, the whole series is kick-ass. I hope the movie doesn't suck too bad.

Gooney the Fabulous by Lois Lowry

Another Gooney Bird book for the K-2 set. I find these books fun and age-appropriate but sometimes I get a little bored. However, I stand by my statement that Lowry is a genius. It's not her, it's me. One thing that really hits home with these books is how realistic the kids dialogue is. They sound like real kids. It's great.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I have started this book a million bajillion times and finally, FINALLY succeeded in finishing it. I actually liked it a whole lot. I found that the varying levels of compatibility between various partners was realistic, rather than an attempt to snag everyone a husband before the story ends, which is how a lot of the (versions of the) movies sometimes seem. There is a guy in my ward who totally reminds me of Mister Collins. That is all.

Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman

This book is part of my Banned Books Project. I guess it's not a surprise that this book gets some people's hackles up, but honestly, kind of like Daddy's Roommate, to me it seemed pretty tame, even boring. But maybe that's because it's easy for me to think of families with homosexual parents being just like families with heterosexual families BECAUSE THEY ARE. These books do a good job driving home the point that homosexual parents love their kids and do normal household things just like any parent, but at this point I think we're past that. Stories about homosexual families need to start being actual stories, not just focusing on the one difference that doesn't actually make their family that different.

I read a newer edition that had edited out a small section about how Heather was conceived. I'll try to find an original edition one of these days.

The Outcasts of 19 Schuyler Place by E. L. Keonigsburg

I really like this author, she has written several Newberry Award books, which is a pretty big deal. I listened to this book on tape and I got REALLY EXCITED because the two main adult characters are Hungarian and they use several Hungarian words in the text!! The book was read aloud by Molly Ringwald (??) and she tried her darndest to pronounce the Hungarian correctly, but sometimes failed.

That aside, this is a really fun story, keeps you guessing the whole time. The main character is a really funny kid with a super entertaining voice. Nice message too, about accepting differences instead of rejecting them.

Maus 1: My Father Bleeds History by Art Spiegelman

This is one of the few graphic novels with a non-superhero theme that I was aware of as a child. Never got around to reading it until now, though. I am hooked. It's an incredible story. Moving and honest. Not that I didn't know this before, but holy crap the Holocaust was brutal.

Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner

Jennifer Weiner was one of my favorite novelists when I was in high school. Now that I'm older, I can recognize that her writing doesn't exactly reinvent the wheel, but her stories are still really inventive and fun. I think her work is pretty representative of the "beach book" genre, which isn't meant as a criticism at all.

This book was a sequel to Good in Bed, which was her first novel. Like I said, I enjoyed it, except my favorite character dies at the end. That's not a spoiler because you don't know who my favorite character is. Ha!

Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher

I have heard of this book before, but I read it because I have a Kindle app on my phone and you can download a lot of "classics" for free. I love free. Also, it was a quick read and I was able to finish it in one plane ride while Carlos was sleeping.

I assumed this was a period piece, but it was actually written in 1916 so it was actually just writing about that time period! The story is about a coddled Victorian orphan named Elizabeth Ann who lives with her overprotective aunt and cousin. When her cousin becomes ill and needs to go to the seashore (remember when that's what sick people got to do? I wish I could have been sick back then) Elizabeth goes to live with her other cousins who live on a farm in Vermont. They are not only awesome but teach her that she is capable of much more than she thought--she walks to school alone, takes care of the farm and tutors younger students in her one-room schoolhouse. She also takes the nickname Betsy.

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

This is a really good book, but guess what? The movie follows the plot of the book amazingly well and is actually better. I think the book is still worth reading, but it kinda blows my mind that I find the film adaptation more effective. What's next, processed food tasting better than real food? Oh, what a world, what a world ...

The only problem with the movie is that I think a lot of the people missed the fact that the whole thing is satire. The book makes that a lot more clear. It also makes the big reveal (you know what I'm talking about) a lot more obvious than the movie does, which is a bummer.

Also, get a newer copy of the edition with the forward/afterward that talks about fight clubs cropping up at BYU. What the what?

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

I finally read this! It is the first Dickens novel that I have actually finished (Sorry Mr. Berkbigler, I didn't finish Oliver Twist--it sucked). It's short enough to be a Christmas tradition if you like that sort of thing. And it's a great read. Here is what I learned from this book:

1. A lot of modern brushes paint Scrooge as selfish, but the weird thing is he doesn't even spend his money on himself. He just hoards it. This is not what most rich Americans do.

2. A Muppet Christmas Carol was shockingly faithful to the original and even used a number of direct quotes from the text.

3. Accordingly, I can ONLY picture Ebenezer Scrooge as played by Michael Caine. This takes nothing away from my reading experience, however. I think it adds to it.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

This book moved me so much I not only cried, but I was depressed that it was over. I was also depressed because the book was kind of depressing. I can't explain why because that would give too much away. There are so many books about introverted awkward teenagers. I wish I had known about all of them when I was an awkward, introverted teenager.

Even if you never were, you should read this book.

In Odd We Trust by Dean Koontz

Another graphic novel, this one of the supernatural-crime genre. Apparently Dean Koontz is kind of a big deal in the non-graphic novel world, but I had never heard of him before this. Apparently this series continues in various novel/graphic novel forms, but I may or may not pick it up. This story was entertaining enough--Odd Thomas is a guy who sees dead people who uses his supernatural powers to solve murder mysteries--but I wasn't completely enthralled like I was with masterpieces of the genre like V for Vendetta. There are just a lot of books out there. And I am pretty busy, OK?

Books I Have Read in 2010, part one

2010-12-23T16:40:00.004-08:00

I have gotten really, really far behind in this whole "keeping track of all the books I read" thing. But since I'm homebound and sick and got nothing else/better to do, here you go. These are the first ten.

Stop Forgetting to Remember: the Autobiography of Walter Kurtz by Peter Kuper

Another autobiographical graphic novel I found whilst browsing aimlessly at the library. Kuper mixed it up a bit by making it an autobiography not of himself, but of a fictional person who happens to have had a very, very similar life to his. Wink. The whole book is like a very long version of one of those "this happened to a friend of mine" stories that you hear at parties. Sometimes even in Sacrament Meeting!

I am like 95% sure one of the stories I heard in my most recent Sacrament Meeting was one of those. Anyway.

An autobiographical graphic novel kick is for sure a good kick to be on, and this is a good one, even though it technically breaks the most crucial convention. It's still powerfully honest, and breaks the fourth wall in really cool ways. It's not often that one finds a magical-realism-infused book about parenting and male friendship that still manages to be so touching. I feel like now that I have read this book, I totally understand men. NOT.

Going Rogue: An American Life by Sarah Palin

I decided recently that it's really important for me to read the books of the people with whom I disagree most vehemently, because I want to make sure that I sincerely disagree with their ideas and not just a straw man version of them. Which is often what people I dislike do, argue against ideas they claim their opponents have instead of their actual ideas. But I digress.

I disagree pretty heartily with most of what Sarah Palin says, does, is, represents. After reading her (albeit heavily ghostwritten) memoirs, I can now say with a certainty that I wasn't just imagining things. I really do disagree with her, even dislike her as a person, which is too bad. Someone who reviewed this book on Slate described this book as a "1000 page paean to willful ignorance." That pretty much sums it up.

The thing that really, really bothers me about Sarah Palin, more than her trumped-up claims about her governmental experience, more than her sick parading of her kids for the press, and more than her irritating lack of diplomacy, was that multiple times in her book she claimed that as a child she was a "bookworm" and "a nerd" who spent all her time reading.

First of all, no way could any well-read person have the stunted vocabulary and incomprehensible syntax that Palin seems almost proud of. Secondly, Palin claims that her favorite books are Animal Farm and The Pearl. AKA two of the shortest books on any middle school teacher's required reading list. She makes no mention of any book longer than the two aforementioned. Please. Bookworms read books. You can't spend decades reading and only have those two (very good, let me be clear) books on your hit list.

If Sarah Palin is a nerd, then I'm prom queen. I really feel very strongly about this. You can't grow up as a superstar teen and then try to play your past as a brainy outcast so you seem relatable. Can't have it both ways, sister.

I better stop because I keep getting angrier and angrier at Sarah Palin.

My Rotten Life: Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie by David Lubar

Carlos and I listened to this on CD while we were driving to and from Spokane the week before my birthday. It was a fun, fast-paced book, meant for about Carlos' age group. It took a few cues from Harry Potter (likable everyman hero, goofy-but-loyal best friend, genius female sidekick) but was still reasonably original. Also played around with the ideas of zombiehood in some interesting ways.

The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katharine Paterson

Another one from the Banned Books List. Another strong piece from Ms. Paterson. It's about a little girl who has been in foster care for most of her life and is (understandably) angry at the world and slow to trust anyone. Of course, she gets taken in by a diverse cast of characters and comes to love them. That part was predictable. The ending was not. Really good book.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson

It's kind of embarrassing to admit that I read this, especially since it wasn't for any project or goal. I read it because Natasha Parker of The Mormon Therapist recommended Hold Me Tight as a good book about relationships and she is my favorite Mormon blogger and speaks a lot of truth. Anyway, this book had some very interesting ideas about attachment theory as it related to adult relationships rather than just parent-child relationships. I think she is pretty spot-on. This would be a good book to get on your Kindle so nobody in public would know you were reading it.

A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

I thought this book was a true story until I finished it. As it turns out, it sounds like it was kinda one of those "Walter Kurtz" type deals where the author writes a book about a main character with his name and his exact life even though it is supposedly fictional. There is a really graphic description of a pig being slaughtered which made me really sad, but is apparently super accurate, so I can maybe understand why this book was banned. But I think the story is really important, and taught me a lot about Shaker life, a religion I knew very little about beforehand.

Gooney Bird and the Room Mother by Lois Lowry

Another of Lowry's books for younger children. Super cute. Would be great to read to a K-2 class. Reveal at the end caught me totally off guard. I like it when books do that.

The Willoughbys by Lois Lowry

This book reminded me of Lemony Snicket's sense of humor. By which I mean it was awesome. It is also a about smart orphans and dumb adults. I would totally read this to a 4-6 class.

Cancer Vixen by Marisa Acocella Marcello

Yup, another autobiographical graphic novel. By a woman! Exciting!

I think I am going to send a copy of this to my mom because it's about beating cancer and that's what she did.

Sometimes I have a hard time relating to stories, most of which are by women, where the main plotline is like "I was super rich and sexy and glamorous and then this super-hard thing happened to me and now I know what's really important and I brought a turkey dinner to Bob Cratchit's house!" Mostly because I am neither rich nor sexy nor glamorous. But whatevs. This is still a really good book. It makes me wish I knew more Italians (shout out to ma Pearce girls).

Strangers in Paradise, book 1 by Terry Moore

Do you like lesbian-homoerotic-crime-thriller-graphic novels????

Me too. Here is a book that may interest you.

Not really much else to say about this ... I had no idea what it was about when I started (aimless library browsing once again) and by the time I realized that the love triangle was two chicks and a dude, I was like, but what's gonna happen when the mafia finds out? And I had to finish it.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Also, this book is one of very few books where one of the main characters is an overweight woman and the essence of her characters is not TO BE AN OVERWEIGHT WOMAN. She has a role outside of that. Know what I mean?

Why Some People Think I am Eccentric

2010-12-21T10:01:00.007-08:00

Because if enough people think something, it has to be true. Especially if it's on the Internet. Duh. Evidence annotated below.

Happy Solstice! The universe has conspired against me and made me menstrual and ill in conjunction with the full moon. I couldn't fall asleep last night and then woke up at 4 AM with back pain so severe it made me throw up, which was less than fun. Then I couldn't fall back (get it?) asleep. I went outside in my underwear and a fur coat (1) to see if the eclipse was still visible, but of course by then it was over, and anyway it was far too cloudy to see anything. When my alarm went off at 6 AM I hadn't slept at all and I was so disappointed I almost started crying (2).

The only good thing about last night is that Sego spooned with me and he is the best huge furry hot water bottle in the whole wide world.

Even when I was starting to feel sick yesterday afternoon, when my boss called while I was watching Fire in the Sky (3) I foolishly agreed to take a work assignment for tomorrow/today. I could really use the money. So far I don't really regret it because even though I am tired and in a lot of pain, it's better to be in pain and distracted by work than in pain at home with nothing to do. Although I still have some craft projects to finish for some Christmas gifts. In some ways, crafting is more of a chore for me than regular chores (4).

I also have 17 more books in the queue that I need to finish writing about before the end of the year. When did this become an actual goal instead of just something to do because I was no longer in school? I don't know. (5)

There is this boy at church whom I find fascinating for a number of reasons, but the biggest one is that he seems really, really content. As in, comfortable in his own skin, happy with the way his life is right now. I am jealous and also curious as to what he knows that I don't.

Lastly, when I was cleaning out some boxes of high school memorabilia I found--wait for it--an autographed poster from the band Jericho Road. I never liked or listened to their music, but all you need to know about them is that they were a Mormon Boy Band and that they were ridiculous. One time I was at the Deseret Book in Bellevue buying some scripture markers on my way home from the temple, and those guys were just there, all alone. They struck up a conversation and invited me to their show, but I was busy. They gave me an autograph anyway. Bless their hearts.

Any chance that would be worth money? Doubtful, I suppose. Might put it on the eBay anyway. (6) You never know.

Not Being Naked: day 30

2010-12-11T23:00:00.004-08:00

fake snakeskin shoes + denim skirt + purple plaid shirt + long white sweater + fake pearl necklace

Pretty good outfit for going on a date with myself.

SO excited to wear my other clothes!!! Still, this was fun.

the end

Not Being Naked: day 29

2010-12-11T11:40:00.003-08:00

Once again, this is for last night.

fake snakeskin shoes + white leggings + grey skirt + neon green shirt + brown belt (thrifted) + long blue sweater + opal necklace (won by my mom at a casino) + fake pearl bracelet (Forever 21)

Can I just say that my pearl bracelet is the most fun thing in the world to fidget with? It's true.

Also, I am starting to eye all my other clothes rather covetously, so it's a good thing today is my last day!

Will post final outfit after I put clothes on.

Not Being Naked: day 28

2010-12-10T09:57:00.004-08:00

I can't believe this project is nearly done!

other white shirt + denim skirt + fake snakeskin shoes + other pearl necklace (was my mom's)

This was a cute outfit, but it was NOT AT ALL appropriate for the rock show I attended after my doctor's appointment. I looked like a square. Oh well.

These boys and girl still put on a hell of a show.

Not Being Naked: day 27

2010-12-08T20:42:00.003-08:00

Two things.

1. On Monday my neighbor drove by me while I was walking with Sego to the mailbox. He rolled down his window and was like, "Hey! I'm glad you're not naked."

I was SO CONFUSED AND CREEPED OUT for like five seconds and then as he drove away I was like ohhhhhhhhhhh.

2. I know this picture is blurry, again, but I didn't want to take it over again because, look how good my legs look!

I was afraid I would not be able to get them to look that nice again.

Quit when you're ahead, that's my motto.

short red dress + white leggings + black hooker boots + black t-shirt + red necklace

Feminism is Not Ded

2010-12-07T16:13:00.005-08:00

Temping is a suitable short-term career path for me because I have a very short attention span and like to dabble. If I had to perform some of the occasionally mindless tasks that I do as a temp day in and day out for months on end, my soul would probably die, but as it stands, with me doing something for a few hours or a few days at a time, I usually enjoy whatever it is I have to do, even if it is boring. Also, I feel like I get a nice miniature vision of many different fields and companies. It's like every day is Take Elisa to Work Day.

If I were to make a list of the things I have learned through temping, it would probably consist of all the different filing systems I have learned, how many phone lines I can manage, blah blah blah. I do not think I would list what I learned to do today, which is to assemble and transport 52 mannequins.

Today I worked at a mid-fashion clothing company that I have never heard of before, and for privacy's sake won't list here, but let's just say it's akin to those California-infused preppy clothing stores you see in the mall like PacSun, Aeropostale and such. I was told that I would be performing manual labor of some sort, so I dressed accordingly in jeans, and showed up at the corporate office at eight o'clock this morning.

My supervisor and both my co-workers were male, and here is where the feminism thing comes in. I noticed that I did not seem especially welcome at this position, which was unloading large boxes from a truck. My co-workers talked to each other but not to me, and my supervisor was polite but gave instructions as to exactly what we were doing while I wasn't, technically, there. This got me a little bit on edge, because I figured that they didn't want me around because they assumed, as a woman, I wouldn't be able to lift said boxes. This hurt my pride especially because I am pretty strong, even though I am short. Ever since I was nine or ten (and keep in mind at that age I more resembled a fifteen or sixteen year-old) my dad went to me when he needed help with lifting heavy objects or working on fix-it type stuff, because my brothers were too young. I won't pretend to be able to compete with, like, professional construction workers, but I can definitely hold my own with a couple of doughy office workers.

This turned out to be true.

After we unloaded the boxes I noticed that one of my co-worker's attitudes had changed. He smiled at me and acted friendly. Success! I had proved my worth, video-game style. But the other one still wouldn't even look me in the eye, which gave me a medium-sized chip on my shoulder. His attitude made me feel like I had something to prove, so as we started on out next task, I determined that I was going to be the BEST DAMN MANNEQUIN ASSEMBLER OF ALL TIME.

Here's the thing about being a working woman, at least in my experience. Most of the time, in more cerebral environments like school, blue collar offices and (more often than not) church, I feel like the general M.O. is pretty merit-based and doesn't have that much to do with gender. In my classes in college, for example, I usually felt like I was judged based on my abilities alone. But if I'm in an environment where it still feels like a male-dominated arena (i.e. factory work, manual labor, etc) I immediately assume that everybody there assumes I can't do whatever it is we're supposed to do simply because I am a woman. I start out with something to prove, which is maybe silly because probably a lot of the time no one is thinking anything bad about me in the first place. It's totally dumb.

Anyway, so we started taking the mannequins out of the box, putting them together and wheeling them over to the elevator to eventually be taken upstairs. I should mention that this was an amusingly awkward job because the mannequins were all male. It was impossible to put them together or move them around without grabbing embarrassing parts of their anatomy. The height adjustment valve was very poorly placed and required me to stand in what appeared to be a rather compromising position, with my hand in an embarrassing place. These mannequins were also packing like James Bond on a mission. Don't think I'm just a pervert or a ten year-old boy in a twenty-six year-old woman's body, because every single person who walked into the lobby where we were assembling the mannequins snickered like crazy. This was an Austin Powers level of obvious, entrendre-wise.

Anyway, so the second co-worker and I were able to joke around for a few minutes, then he went upstairs and left me with this other guy who obviously really didn't like me. I hadn't said anything to him at all, so I was left to assume that he had a problem with me because I was a woman. As we pulled out the headless torsos, which by the way smelled like hemp, I thought about the state of feminism in our country, and how in so many ways, we have so far to go.

Finally--FINALLY--this guy turned to me and asked me what "I like to do." I'm terrible at answering that question, by the way. I think I need to take up knitting again so I have an easy answer.

"Oh," I said. "I like, um, swimming, and ... sci-fi."

His pasty face lit up. "Really? Me too!"

And then we were friends and talked about nerdy things for the rest of the afternoon.

THE END

MORAL: Sometimes someone appears mean and scary but it turns out they are more afraid of you then you are of them (like bears, and not like that little girl from The Ring). For example, maybe you think someone doesn't like you because he doesn't like working with women, but it turns out he is actually just afraid of all women, except ones who are equally excited about Tron Legacy.

Not Being Naked: days 24, 25 and 26

2010-12-07T16:11:00.001-08:00

I'm going to call this the "about to do laundry" edition.

So Saturday night I went clubbing, and it was then that I realized that when I was choosing my 30 pieces I was definitely not including anything appropriate for clubs. Kelso asked my advice on what to wear, and all I could think to tell her was, "Something that shows off your whatever. Also, you can never go wrong with black."

Blurriness invokes how outfit probably appeared to

drunk, loose-knuckled frat boys at aforementioned club.

Accordingly, I wore black leggings + blue v-neck t-shirt (which I now know with a certainty is cut inappropriately low) + blue square necklace + black hooker boots + black fake leather jacket. It looked pretty OK.

The next day I wore this dress, which I may or may not have have worn 3/4 Sundays in the past month. It's so comfortable! And it can sit in my duffel bag all day without wrinkling. Twenty thumbs up for this dress.

brown polka-dot dress + green jacket (gift while I was on my mission) + black hooker boots + opal necklace = perfectly acceptable, although I have few memories of that outfit because I was so sleep-deprived. In between church and dinner I slept for like four hours.

This is what I wore yesterday. White t-shirt + denim skirt + fake pearl necklace (thrifted) + fake pearl bracelet (also thrifted) + black sandals = a lot of the pictures in this skirt make my hips look really big. I don't care, just an observation.

Not Being Naked: day 23

2010-12-03T23:39:00.004-08:00

The theme of the day is "greyscale." I put on my grey shoes and my grey dress and then I was like, well, I can't stop now!

fake snakeskin shoes + grey and white dress + long white sweater + grey beaded necklace + silver hoop earrings (thrifted ... forgot a picture, sorry) + black purse (thrifted)

See, it's pretty much the same thing.

Not Being Naked: day 22

2010-12-02T22:39:00.003-08:00

Today I worked eleven hours. That is a lot.

This photo is blurry to represent that my eye started twitching like crazy around 5PM.

I was wearing black hooker boots + other grey skirt + black t-shirt + long white sweater + red scarf (thrifted) + orange earrings (no idea ... maybe inherited from someone?) = by the end of the day, I am pretty sure I smelled bad

Check out my droopy, droopy eyes.

The End

Not Being Naked: day 21

2010-12-01T21:00:00.009-08:00

Today I worked at a fancy shmancy hotel. Which was awesome because I got a free lunch and paid a very good salary. It was sad because I was not an official member of the company party (I was just the typist) so when they brought in the free brownies, there was not one for me. This is how that made me feel:

This is me being sad in a fancy shmancy hotel mirror, wearing white blouse + brown skirt + red necklace + red superhero boots. One of the executives told me I looked "adorable." She had a cool haircut, so I trust her opinion. This is me lookin' at my boots, bein' sad 'cause I didn't get a brownie.

Not Being Naked: day 20

2010-11-30T21:28:00.003-08:00

I have a crying headache right now. Did someone die? Did my heart get broken? Is there trouble at home or abroad?

Nope. I just saw Despicable Me. Any movie about kids = TEARS. Shout out to Aimee, who wept with me. This picture was taken in a hurry.

white t-shirt + black fake leather jacket + short blue dress + black leggings + chacos = the reason my feet are not visible is because that black streak at my feet is Sego. He was running past me, most likely after a ball.

Not Being Naked: day 19

2010-11-29T21:55:00.002-08:00

This outfit makes me look like an hourglass. Granted, that is also how I look naked, so maybe what I mean is this outfit makes me look like how I actually look?

fake snakeskin shoes + denim skirt + neon green shirt + grey jacket (gift from my mom) + calculator watch + blue beaded bracelet (Christmas gift from Carlos) = my mom advised me against the jacket even though she bought it for me, because she says it makes my shoulders look big. What do you think? I mean my shoulders are big, no denying that. The question is, does it make me look like a linebacker? Slash, is that bad?

Big hips + big shoulders = hot or not?

See, this is why I don't care a lot of the time.

Not Being Naked: days 17 and 18

2010-11-28T14:31:00.008-08:00

Are you proud of me for wearing clothes two days in a row? Well, you should be.

This very poorly photographed outfit is fake snakeskin shoes + grey pencil skirt + blue v-neck t-shirt + black and gold scarf (thrifted) + pink drop earrings (Claire's, I think? When I was in high school?) = when I picked up Kaylene to go to Chandler, Aaron and Colin's house, she said, "Wait! Were we supposed to look pretty?" Then I had to explain to her that I don't wear pants.

The earrings.

The jacket I wore over it (Target) because it was a little cold yesterday.

Today I wore black hooker boots + grey pencil skirt + purple checkered shirt + long blue sweater + red lego earrings (purchased at BrickCon with my little brother) = everybody loves lego earrings. It's true!!

*arms thrown up in Kelso-esque triumph* AM I RIGHT????

Not Being Naked: day 16

2010-11-26T06:48:00.007-08:00

Some days you try really hard to create an interesting new outfit (that is also warm) but you end up looking like Little Bo Peep.

brown skirt + brown peasant blouse + white leggings + black hooker boots + other orange sweater + calculator watch + wooden earrings (designed by my aunt who is an industrial designer in Sweden) = sheeptacular?

Also, the blood washed out quite nicely, thanks for asking.

These are the earrings. I love them. If my aunt had an etsy shop or some sort I would link to it, but she does not.
The Little Bo Peep thing was so funny at 6 in the morning that I decided to just go with it.

I also wore my (fake) SHEEPskin jacket!! Get it? Also, my scarf is the color of sheep's wool. The jacket is from the Target, I think (a really long time ago) and the scarf was knitted for me by the teenage friend of my host family in Japan. She heard I was coming and was like, I will knit her a scarf! It was really sweet but kinda overwhelming because I didn't know she was going to knit me a freaking scarf otherwise I would have made her something too. I didn't even know who she was until we went to visit her. I didn't really understand what was going on until she handed me the scarf and I was like oh how nice and then tried to hand it back to her and she was like no no it's for you. A complete stranger!! A whole scarf!! She was also really shy and kinda jumpy. I awkwardly plied with with the small gifts I had brought from Seattle but it was just overall really awkward and I felt terrible for breaking the elaborate rules of Japanese gift etiquette without meaning to. And that's the story of how I got this scarf.

Also, that same day I was talking to this girl and her family and I mixed up the Japanese word for bird with the word for monkey because they are kind of similar and my Japanese wasn't very good. And that's the story of how I told some very nice Japanese strangers that monkeys ate all the cherries off the cherry tree in my backyard and they definitely thought I was crazy and probably wished they could take back the scarf.

NOTE FIVE MINUTES LATER: Upon further reflection, the Japanese words for bird* and monkey** are not at all similar. In my defense, jet lag is a bitch.

*tori

**saru

Not Being Naked: day 15

2010-11-25T11:12:00.004-08:00

I put on clothes today, guys!! A dress, even.

black t-shirt + black leggings + short red dress + no shoes = 10/10 for comfort and bliss

Things I am Thankful for:

1. My badass family

2. My beautiful friends

3. Good music

4. Star Wars

5. Tofurkey

6. Jim Henson

7. Sego

8. Podcasts

9. Texting

10. Hot water

11. Cuddling

12. Jesus

13. Snow days

14. Being barefoot

15. Scrabble

16. Books

17. Missions

18. Persimmons

19. Lists

20. Everything

Being in Pajamas: day 2

2010-11-24T16:46:00.006-08:00

I am so sorry about this. I didn't get dressed today, either.

Excuses:

1. There is too much snow to drive anywhere (remember, we live on a hill).
2. Vacation is all about doing things you would not have time to do otherwise.

This is what passes for "things to do"

(sitting on couches, eating, watching movies, dog snuggling)

This is what passes for "getting dressed"

This is what passes for "hair"

Happy Ante-Thanksgiving, everybody!

Not Being Naked: day 14 and Being in Pajamas: Day 1

2010-11-23T19:46:00.004-08:00

When going to your second grad school interview, it is crucial to DRESS FOR SUCCESS. Unfortunately, when SNOWPOCALYPSE 2010 hits Seattle the same day your interview is scheduled, that makes dressing for success exceedingly difficult.

The original plan was to wear other white blouse + other grey pencil skirt + black hooker boots + opal earrings (won by my mom at a casino) = 10/10 for sexy and professional (sexessional?). But that would simply not be warm enough. So I added my black leggings and this blue sweater (thrifted) which isn't in the mix, but is the warmest sweater I own.

I also added a hat (forever 21) + gloves (came with a cardigan I bought at like JC Penney or something) + and my black fake leather jacket + wool socks (Costco).

I was still not that warm, but it was better than the original plan, which would have resulted in an Elisa popsicle (Elisicle?). Also, driving on 1-5 at 20 MPH is creepy, but I lived.

And finally, today should have been day 15 but I spent the entire day in my pajamas, hanging out with this guy:

Why is the ground all weird? I fear change.

And rereading the email I received congratulating me on being admitted to UW's Masters in Teaching program. Yay!!!

Not Being Naked: days 11, 12, 13 (sorry)

2010-11-22T19:17:00.006-08:00

This has not been my week. Sorry about the delay, here are some pictures/excuses.

On Friday, I wore brown skirt + brown peasant blouse + long white sweater + red superhero boots. It looked OK, but I got blood* all over it. Then I had to change into non-approved clothes because all my laundry was in the dryer. Like I said, not my week.

On Saturday, I wore this:

It is neon green shirt + denim skirt + long blue sweater + fake snakeskin shoes (I had been home for a while when this picture was taken and forgot to put them on) + opal necklace (gift from my aunts when I was like 8, which I love because it hits my collarbone really sexylike) = 9/10 (-1 because why am I standing like that? It does not look cool)

On Sunday, I wore this:

I wore it with other orange sweater + red superhero boots + opal necklace, but I spilled water on the sweater (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?). I also wore my mission coat, which always gets made fun of, but if you've been following me up to this point you know I don't care/enjoy it.

I am almost caught up! Now I need to post a photo of the clothes I wore today lying on the floor because I am once again in my pajamas, watching The Tick.

*From my nose.

Not Being Naked: day 10 (the practical edition)

2010-11-18T16:10:00.003-08:00

Sometimes you have to dress for a certain occasion. Like baby-sitting, for example. You want clothes that are washable, comfortable and preferably darker in color, just in case. Also, if you are baby-sitting in a cavernous McMansion that gets really cold, you want to be warm.

Dressed for battle.

grey and white dress + blue v-neck t-shirt + long blue sweater + chacos (oh, how I love them!) + indestructible calculator watch = 7/10 in terms of style, but 10/10 for the reasons listed above.

No jewelry. Especially not earrings? Are you kidding me? Have you ever had an earring ripped out of your ear? Fact: it hurts.

Not Being Naked: day 9

2010-11-17T21:01:00.004-08:00

Fact: I did not get dressed until 4 in the afternoon today, because earlier I was dressed in my scrubs and doing manual labor in Bellevue, AKA the worst city in the whole wide Washington.

There is, I wish to make clear, nothing wrong with good, honest manual labor. Among other things, it means I did not have to go to the gym today.

My supervisor: Wow! You are INCREDIBLE!

Me (internal monologue): Incredible at moving boxes?

Me (out loud): Thanks!

Anyway, I got dressed to go to Costco and buy a couple of things, and then received no appreciation for doing so because I forgot apparently the ONLY THING that was REALLY important for me to buy (a chicken) and now my dad is pouting like a six year-old girl.

But anyway, clothes!

fake snakeskin shoes + denim skirt + white t-shirt + other orange sweater + red necklace (was my mom's) + purple hair clip (gift from Kelso) = 10/10

The 100% score was scientifically garnered because while I was in line at Costco, an autistic eleven year-old patted my butt, then reached around and tried to hold my hand. His mom was horrified, but I thought it was hilarious.

Not Being Naked: day 8 WORST DAY EVER

2010-11-16T16:39:00.007-08:00

Can you believe that a day could go so horribly wrong even in an outfit like this?

other grey pencil skirt + orange sweater + black hooker boots + white blouse = 8/10 (-1 for the wrinkled skirt, -1 for not fixing all my problems)

Outwear in lieu of accessories = khaki coat (thrifted) + blue scarf (gift from DHB)

I guess the cool thing is I cannot imagine Day 9 being any worse, eh?

Not Being Naked: day 7 (The "I really need to do laundry" edition)

2010-11-15T15:23:00.002-08:00

I really need to do laundry. That is why today I was forced to wear a dress as a shirt.

short red dress + grey pencil skirt + long white sweater + black hooker boots + grey bead necklace (thrifted) = 8/10 (-1 because I couldn't take the sweater off, -1 for the necklace having a bunch of loose threads that look kinda tacky ... but I just can't throw it away ...)

I am going to do some laundry right now, actually.

2010 Books Galore

2010-11-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

The Man from Krypton: A Closer Look at Superman by Glenn Yeffeth, ed.

I promise this is the last comic book-related anthology I will review for a while. Maybe. We'll see. You never know.

This was another one of the Smart Pop anthologies that I read over the summer, and this was one of the better ones. Superman has been around long enough that there is plenty to say about him. I would say this one is just as good as Webslinger.

Positive Discipline: the First Three Years by Jane Nelson

I started reading this at my employer's house when I was a nanny and liked it so much I wanted to finish it. In fact, I decided I wanted to read all the books in the Positive Discipline series. It's a really great philosophy for dealing with kids.

The main premise is that kids behave well when they feel good about themselves and their abilities, and parenting's goal should be to empower kids to learn through doing rather than be motivated by rewards and/or punishments. I saw a lot of truth in what they were saying. But all bets are off until I am co-raising a child that is not also my sibling.

Replay by Sharon Creech

I found this book at the library kind of by accident. I really liked Walk Two Moons, also by Creech, so I thought I would give it a shot. It's a really nice little book about a young Hispanic boy who feels like he doesn't fit into his family because he's very introspective and imaginative (his family nicknames him "fog boy"). Really short, nice read. Might have choked me up at the end. But what else is new.

The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
Oh man. If you read only one reworking of Shakespeare set in rural Wisconsin, make it this one.
Kidding aside, this was an amazing book. Earned all the praise it garnered when it first came out. I could see it becoming a classic. The book is a retelling of Hamlet, told from the point of view of Edgar, a mute teenager who raises dogs with his parents. Even though I've read Hamlet so I had an idea of how things are going to end (re: not good) this book was incredibly gripping. The author is able to make everyone's point of view come alive--even the dogs' point of view, which I think is a rare gift.
Of all the books I am posting about today, if you plan to read one of them, read this one.

The Birthday Ball by Lois Lowry
Another fun, easy YA read. Fact: Lois Lowry can do no wrong. Also fact: this is one of those books I would like to read to my class someday (probably fourth grade and up). It's a reworked fairy tale with a pretty traditional-sounding premise, but still turns out to be really fun. I was genuinely curious as to how things were going to work out, which is a good sign.

P.S. Blogger's paragraph spacing rules are SO IRRITATING

Not Being Naked: days 4, 5 and 6

2010-11-14T20:32:00.006-08:00

I had a busy weekend. But don't worry, here are some pictures of me wearing clothes. 'Cause I know how much these posts enthrall you guys.

brown polka dot dress + other orange sweater + red superhero boots + gold disc earrings (thrifted) = 10/10* (per Allen, the only straight guy I know besides DHB who has opinions about clothes). This is the outfit I wore to my birthday party.

*To be fair, he didn't submit an actual rating. But he did send me a text message with a dirty joke about my breasts, so that is pretty much the same thing.

This what my earrings look like. I always get lots of compliments on them, however they are made of very cheap metal that hurts my ears so I can never wear them for an entire day.

Also, I L.O.V.E. polka dots. When I was a nanny D used to call them "polka bots." Doesn't that sound terrifying? WATCH OUT FOR THE POLKA BOTS!!!!!

This is a real song WTF. Also, it sucks.

Anyway, the morning after eating lots of unhealthy food I went to Sunstone. It was awesome.

White t-shirt + other grey pencil skirt + calculator watch + black hooker boots + grey bracelet (was my mom's in the sixties) = meh. Maybe 5/10?

I felt okay about this outfit while I was wearing it but it didn't photograph very well, did it? Also, I had a Kendi-esque existential crisis about whether or not to tuck in my shirt. The fried food kinda made that decision for me, though. That being said, I really love this skirt. Sunstone lasted from 8:30 in the morning to like 10:00 at night and I was totally comfortable.

Yes, comfort is my raison de mettre. I am a boy.

This next outfit will be shown on the floor instead of on my body because I am already in my pajamas and I simply do not want to get dressed again. Are you kidding me?

blue v-neck t-shirt (cute, but a little cleavage-y) + black and gold scarf (thrifted, see previous) + grey pencil skirt + fake snakeskin shoes = 10/10 mostly because someone at Stake Conference today asked if my shoes were from Banana Republic and I was like SWEET

This outfit looks even better on my body than it does on the floor. Feel free to leave any clever pick-up lines in the comments.

xoxoxoxoxo

Wait a minute.

2010-11-14T16:20:00.001-08:00

Here you go.

Not Being Naked: day 4 (actual)

2010-11-11T15:20:00.005-08:00

Fact: TAKING MIRROR PICTURES IS THE WORST

See why I usually cut out my face?

I really enjoyed today's outfit but it was pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to get a photo of it.

Especially because I wanted to include the earrings.

Full body shots are pretty much impossible.

Anyway, today was black t-shirt + short blue dress + black slip (that's not cheating, is it?) + fake snakeskin shoes + calculator watch (wal-mart) + turquoise earrings (gift from my godfather) = infinity/ten

1. Mostly I am just proud of myself for not spending the day in my pajamas.

You can see the shoes here. I wore the fake leather jacket as well but not when I was inside so it doesn't really count as part of the "outfit." Also, another disastrous mirror picture. Hello, stump legs + looking pregnant. Eyuck.

Not Being Naked: day 3

2010-11-11T00:47:00.003-08:00

This is actually for yesterday (Wednesday) because I just got home.

My ability to take mirror photos is improving, yes?

Denim skirt + neon green shirt + long blue sweater + Joseph and Mary necklace (it was my mom's) + neon green ring (gift from Carlos, possibly from a cereal box) + black hooker boots = 9/10

(-1 because you could see down my shirt)

1. Today's outfit needed to be versatile because I was going both to work and a show* at a tavern. Also, it really needed to be comfortable. It totally was.

2. I probably should have worn a warmer sweater.

3. Some people make fun of this shirt, but I like it.

*Pacific Nomadic. They are a good band. You should check them out if you like indie music and stuff. My friend drums for them and he is a good drummer.

Not Being Naked: day 2

2010-11-09T19:22:00.003-08:00

I don't know how to take good mirror pictures.

Grey and white dress + black fake leather jacket + black hooker boots + turquoise bracelet (thrifted) = 8/10 (-1 for the wrinkled dress, -1 for being unable to take the jacket off without undershirt hanging out--not classy)

1. I love this dress. It is so comfortable.

2. This jacket is also much loved by me.

3. I like these boots although they have no traction and/or may be trying to kill me in a wet parking lot.

Not Being Naked: day 1

2010-11-08T21:42:00.002-08:00

Like Kayla, my face was too awkward to be published.

purple checkered shirt + grey pencil skirt + black vest-type thing + black sandals + blue square necklace (gift from Jean-Baptiste--purchased in Paris, probably by his mom) = 6/10

1. I really like this shirt, because it is a button down shirt that actually buttons without being too tight in the chest AND without fitting like a dress overall. This is rare.

2. I also really like this skirt although it doesn't seem to photograph very well.

3. Trying to figure out whether or not I should keep the vest. Thoughts?

4. I love those shoes although they are starting to become impractical, weather-wise. They were seven dollars at Papaya on "clearance" when I bought them and I liked them so much I vowed to go back and buy up all their other pairs. However, when I went back they had been jacked back up to twelve. Jerks. Pros of these shoes: wearing them feels like being barefoot. Cons: wearing them feels like being barefoot. I remembered this while taking Sego into the backyard through the muddy, leaf-strewn grass. Gross.

My dog hates me.

2010-11-08T21:34:00.004-08:00

So today Judith and I were perusing Target and I insisted we check out the cheap Halloween candy. I was then immediately sideswiped by the Halloween decor/costume aisle which proclaimed:

90 PERCENT OFF. Hells yeah.

These FOUR dog costumes cost me a grand total of 4.16

Bumblebee. This one is my favorite I think.

White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. A little big, needs some minor alterations.

Headless horseman from the Ichabod Crane stories (you can't really see,

but that's a headless dude with a pumpkin head riding him)

Hot dog. Get it?

He may or may not have spent the rest of the evening hiding from me.