18 February, 2011

A post about Dating or, allow me to bitch at you for a few hundred words.

Today is February 18th. For those of you who really live in the moment, four days ago was Valentine's Day. I have never been a huge fan of said holiday, even as a kid, especially not since Spencer Bolton put a Valentine in my fourth grade mailbox that said, "You're stupid." I tattled on him, so I got my vengeance. But still. Not cool.

Don't worry, this post isn't about that overwrought fictional holiday. It's about what I did that night. And a decision I've made that I may or may not stick to.

So seeing as V-Day (or VD for even shorter) fell on a Monday eve this year, church folks put together a massive all-Seattle-metro Family Home Evening, so that all the sad single Mormons between 18 and 35ish could get together and flirt and potentially heal themselves of their tragic, crippling loneliness. It was to be a potluck/open mike night, which is a totally awesome idea. And the food, to get my positive thoughts out of the way from the start, was delicious.

Although large-scale activities are not always my thing, I was excited about this one. Lots and lots of people, and because Seattle attracts awesome people, a majority of them were bound to be cool, right?

If you are attempting to predict what I am about to say, you're probably wrong. I'm not going to complain that I felt too old to be there (silly you, that was the Sweet Meet). I am not going to complain that there were no cute guys there (there were lots). And I am not going to complain that there were lots of cute guys there but none of them paid attention to me (eh, not really applicable).

So what was my problem, then? It was threefold. All of them fall under the general umbrella of "actually, even in Seattle, a lot of Mormons my age are assholes."

Grievance the first. The first act at the open mike was a sweet girl from my ward who dressed up and did a monologue. It was ADORABLE. And she was GOOD. Also, she has balls the size of watermelons (figuratively) because doing a monologue in front of a couple hundred people is SCARY. Unfortunately, the thing about insecure people is that they like to undermine people who do things they are too puss to do. So, not only did approximately three quarters of the people keep talking while this girl was performing, a whole lot of them made snarky comments about it.

What's worse, for the rest of the open mike event, hardly anyone shut their damn mouth-hole. That pissed me off, maybe more than it should have. But seriously, if someone took the time to prepare something for an FHE, the least you can do is shut up and listen to it. That is literally the least you can do. Anything else is dehumanizing and disrespectful.

Grievance the second, and yeah, they are all this petty. After this extremely well-attended event was over, there were still lots of people milling around. There was also a TON of trash everywhere. Lots and lots of disposable dishes and empty soda cans and spilled food etc. My poor friend Erin was spinning off her rocker with stress, so a couple of other girls and maybe two guys started helping her clean up. There was lots and lots to stuff to do and it was pouring rain outside. Meanwhile, there were easily fifty or sixty dudes just hanging out, hands in pockets, talking to each other, not doing anything.

They kept standing there for another hour. Nobody offered to help clean up, nobody offered to take out some of the overflowing garbage bags outside to the dumpster. I could say something about chivalry being dead, but we all know that it's been dead for decades. Helping to clean up is just basic human decency. By this point, I was livid.

The last grievance is that when another friend cut her finger and got a little sick to her stomach at the sight of blood, none of the guys who noticed offered to help with that, either.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Anyone who knows my history of relationships knows that my standards are not exactly sky-high, but I could not believe what insensitive jerks those boys were. I was so upset I may or may nor have walked by one group of them and hissed "I can't believe nobody is helping. No wonder no woman wants you." Sadly, I think only one of them heard me, and he had the class to actually look guilty.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than bother with any boy who would be that rude and inconsiderate. Even thinking about it right now makes me want to punch someone. Because what I just complained about is NOT too much to ask. It's not like I'm upset because nobody played the guitar for me outside my window. Really, it has nothing to do with me. Nobody helped me, which is fine because I am not that cute, but nobody helped any of the cute girls who were cleaning up, either. Except for Laird. And some tall Asian guy.

It blows my mind sometimes how unsympathetic Mormons can be. No empathy for others, only boo-hoo I'm twenty-eight and I've never been laid woe-is-me. It's psychopathic. It's immoral.

In short, Mormon guys can suck it until they learn how to be kind, because they suck. Did you see how I used suck in one sentence, but with two difference meanings? That means I'm too mad to care about potential semantic confusion. That's really mad.

Also, if anyone wants to protest that THEIR super classy Mormon husband is the exception to the rule, or you, yourself, are the exception to the rule: save it. I don't believe you. It's a numbers game, and everyone in this city is a loser.


Note: after reading this through, I get how ironic is it that I am responding with such unsympathetic vitriol to people I see as unsympathetic. It's like how I judge people for being judgmental. I get that I'm a hypocrite. But you wanted to know why I was pissed off on Monday, and now you do. Purged. XOXO


Dericho said...

This is why I hated being FHE co-chair last year. Nobody helps setup or clean anything. If I had known it would be this bad I would have stuck around. Sorry.

Allen said...

Tall Asian guy probably equals Sean. Also people suck. I would have helped but then again guys like Laird/probably Sean/Derek/me are the exception that proves the rule that unless directly told to not be a dick men will be dicks. It's like because we have them we want to make sure people only think of us as them. I'm sorry it was such a terrible experience, if it makes you feel better I could castrate them for you.

Ashley said...

Flirt to convert, baby. Flirt to convert. I'm very supportive.

eden said...

that stinks. that really really stinks. i hope i'm more aware of things going on around me (and more sympathetic to them) than that...

Erin Leigh said...

I hope that when you are referring to the "tall Asian guy" you are including layne...

But really, the lack of help was shocking, but it made me that much more grateful for the wonderful help I did receive, as elisa can back up, would not have survived without it.

Kelsy said...


Also, I love you.

Rachel Elisabeth said...

You are right. This is why I gave the hell up on Mormon boys. There are exceptions to the rule, but this weird groupthink happens where they all become useless.

Laird is classy. He's one of the good ones.

sarah said...

This was great.

I'm sorry you had such a Valentragic day with Valentrashy men.

I love you.

Also... I have been thinking about a new kind of Mormon ad. Like this:

My name is Sarah. I'm studying neuroscience, I swear, I eat coffee ice cream, I watch rated-R movies... and I'm a Mormon!

What do you think?

I think it might help us get better men to be Mormon.


celestethebest said...

Stupid people are the worst. Although, I'm pretty sure there are stupid people in every religion. Unfortunately.

theFinn said...

I agree with Celeste. Sadly, I've met lots of lame, unhelpful people (not just guys) who aren't Mormon. That being said, I think I've also met enough awesome people (Mormon or not, male and female) to balance it out. It's a scientific rule to keep the earth from imploding under the weight of excess jerk-osity. I'm sure Stephen Hawking would agree with me.

just a little bit mo said...

I hate when crap like that happens at open mike nights. We used to have them at the Yellow House quite frequently, usually pretty successfully. But there were those times when one person just knew he could play/sing/read/whatever better than whoever was currently performing. (And yes, it was always a "he" in the cases I remember.) All I can say is, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Lauren Kay said...

Found your blog through Freckles in April. You're funny and I'm probably going to keep reading. And I thought I'd give my two cents about this. Mostly because a similar thing happened to my friend here in DC. She was cleaning up after Linger Longer/Munch and Mingle/Grab a cookie, take a lookie, and no one was helping. Not a single person. And someone had spilled red kool-aid on the floor and she had to mop it up. And she was wearing a dress AND heels. Some guy even had the audacity to say, "I like to see a woman work". Or something totally and completely douchy. Luckily, some other guy walked over and took the mop from her and finished the job. And I really wonder sometimes why I'm still single... But there you go, Mormon guys are doing the same thing across the country. Idiots.

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