22 March, 2010

Being a spider is a tough break.

Longtime followers of my blog will recall that I have an unnatural affinity with bugs. I believe it can be traced at least in part to this song from the film Summer Magic.


I identified with this song as a child. And I really like bugs. I like watching them, though depending on the bug, I don't always like them crawling on me. Caterpillars, potato bugs, stick bugs, yes. Spiders, no. However, I make every effort to capture spiders and take them outside when I find them in the house. It seems like the right thing to do.

So today my employer went up into the attic and brought down one of those jumping activity centers for C, because she is four months old and has long legs and needs to exercise them.

Like this, except with a less creepy baby.

Anyway, so this activity center has been in the attic for a least a year, right? So of course, it has become home to a spider. A very industrious one, I might add.

I have decided his name is probably something like Bernard.

That white and green bulbous thing is his home. So picture this. You're a spider, hanging out in your incredibly comfortable home, when suddenly someone PICKS UP YOUR HOUSE AND MOVES YOU INTO A BRIGHT, LOUD PLACE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Suddenly poor Bernard is subject to the following new stimuli:

  • Direct sunlight
  • The sound of a baby crying
  • The sound of the toddler and various adults talking
  • Music (today was Beach Boys and Billy Joel)
  • Various crashes resulting from aforementioned toddler
  • The terrifying electronic "music" emanating from this and other toys
Do you see why today was maybe the worst day of Bernard's life? Apparently most spiders live approximately one year, too. At least this wasn't his only chance to have a good day. At least he wasn't a gnat.

Anyway, so I felt really really sorry for this spider and decided I wanted to give him a leg up. Figuratively speaking. I don my water glass and postcard and attempt to remove Bernard to a better place.

Nothing doing. This is what happens when I come too near.



It was kind of adorable but also really, really sad. Because I wanted to help him, but he made it impossible.

This is not a metaphor.

1 comment:

Queen of the Giggle Loop said...

If it’s not a metaphor maybe it’s a meteor… ;D

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