30 November, 2009

I am aware that I'm a jerk, but this is driving me NUTS

So every month we get a ward newsletter via email, right? Actually I have no memory of this ever happening before. Either they just started the ward newsletter, or I haven't bothered to open it in the past. Both are distinct possibilities.

Anyway, so in most singles' ward newsletters they have little "spotlights," yeah? And they are usually very thinly veiled personal ads, even if the person spotlit is a reluctant participant. I know because this happened to me when I was 19 and got interviewed for the first ever newsletter in my brand new ward. Me, Alli, Nancy and Hediyeh were all fresh out of the dorms and a little frightened of grown-ups, and the humiliating, dripping-with-innuendo spotlight they did of us didn't help our situation in the least. It ended up being one of the most embarrassing summaries of me and my roommates I have ever had the misfortune of reading. I can't remember all of it, but here are some tidbits:

"Elisa's perfect date would be watching the Simpsons while drinking chocolate soy milk in front of a fire (But don't worry boys, I'm sure she'll have some REAL milk for you, too. ;) )"

"Alli's perfect date would be 'something she's never done before.' What hasn't she done? Well, boys, I'll guess you'll have to ask ... "

"Nancy is a New York Princess!"

I'm sure Alli or Hed can supply me with other memories of that awful spotlight. We kept it on the fridge for the entire school year.

Anyway, so this one that I just read wasn't nearly as bad, but please tell me if you notice anything sort of ... funny. Click to enlarge!

See anything? Need some help? This is from the young woman's profile.

And then it goes on. Apparently the third thing she'd like to do is "Learn to count," huh? Ha!

But wait! Check THIS action out, this time for the girl's male counterpart:

Options for this discrepancy:

1. Somebody can't count.
2. Somebody can't edit.
3. I am an asshole.

2 comments:

mathistown said...

oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! i'd TOTALLY forgotten about that, and I'm SO glad you reminded me because that is seriously hilarious to think about! although, to be honest, my stomach did a little flip flop reading that again because of how icky it felt at the time..did you remember it that well, or do you have a copy somewhere? well done my friend, well done.

I honestly think the bishopric should play a more active role in making sure those kinds of things don't turn out so weird/creepy/irritating. but maybe that's just me.

also, i read your twilight post aloud to Jaron last night because i think it is absolutely spot on and brilliant. honestly, you hit it right on the head in a way i couldn't articulate, though i share your thoughts exactly. the books are sugar-coated mindless fun, but sooo bleh. like the feeling in your mouth and stomach after eating cotton candy..fun in your mouth, then you kind of regret it.

i love your blog. fyi.

mathistown said...

and also, i hadn't enlarged the big copy of the newsletter before writing my comment, but ooda lolly that's trashy! "i'm the kind of person who: likes to have fun!" {insert toe-touch/popping gum bubble}. and also, how many times as she read anne of green gables that the one place in the whole world she wants to go is prince edward island? i mean, really?

oh, and also: "it's a Greek thing". thaaaaat's inviting. yick.

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