08 November, 2009

Parry and I were bored at church

Awkwardest Possible Things to Do on a First Date:

1. Make Punnett Square about potential hypothetical children.
2. Say, "We should get married!" and laugh.
3. Make sure to include mission stories, relate them to everything you can.
4. Call your parents and make your date get on the phone and say hi.
5. Invite your date to a family reunion or other family event.
6. Show him or her a scar normally covered by your clothing.
7. Inform your date of your secret desire to be prophet someday.
8. Talk a lot about past dates, past relationships, ex-girl/boyfriends, when you were previously engaged or about the missionaries you are currently writing.
9. Be from Utah ... kidding ... mostly ...
10. Tell a deeply personal repentance story. Cry.
11. Ask how many kids he/she wants.
12. Tell him/her you already have a ring and a wedding dress and a contract at BYU married housing.
13. Wear a facemask, and never take it off, even to eat. When asked why, mention Swine Flu, SARS, etc.
14. Be extremely over-formal: before you do anything make sure it is announced. When conversing, ask a question, and and make sure everybody in your group (if you are in one) answers the question before moving on. Make sure to repeatedly outline all the date's activities, etc.
15. Check out other people while you are going places or walking.
16. Discuss natural vs. medicated childbirth, pros and cons.
17. Tell them that their fly is down, then reach over and zip it up.
18. Tell everyone you are celebrating your two-hour anniversary.
19. Gloat about your future riches, success, and/or righteousness.
20. Show him/her pictures of your dog or cat in costume(s).
21. Tell him/her you are vegetarian AFTER he/she orders oysters for both of you.

Parry claims he wants to try to do ALL of these on a future first date. I say he wouldn't survive past number eleven.


TheMoncurs said...

I love this.

I've had dates do numbers 2, 3, 5, 9 (unavoidable, really), 11, 15 and 19. I think 19 was the worst, really.

Tessa said...

I have experienced a few of these!

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