23 April, 2009

Some regionalisms.

Here are some things you won't understand unless you live in Provo or have lived in Provo:

1. In Seattle, whenever I saw a large group of girls wearing all black, with really short/spiky/multicolored etc. hair, I always thought to myself, "Oh look, punks." If I were at a Rasputina concert, I might walk up to them and strike up a conversation about how awesome it is that a band exists which consists of only three electric cellos and a drum kit. Otherwise, though, depending on what time of night it was and whether or not I was alone, I might cross the street to avoid them. I have noticed that large groups of women can sometimes be more threatening than large groups of men. Sometimes.

However, in Provo, when I see large group of girls wearing all black, with really short/spiky/multicolored etc. hair, I always say to myself, "Oh look, hair school girls." All black is the look de rigueur of all the hair schools in Provo. I think there are six.

2. I have never seen a Civil War reenactment. I imagine that they are like Renaissance fairs (faires?) but louder and without women. Despite the fact that I have never been to one, however, as soon as the weather gets nice, I cannot walk around BYU campus without thinking it looks just like a Civil War reenactment. Bodies bodies everywhere, splayed in various positions. Sometimes on top of one another. Ha!

3. Last week when I was working in the temple, a group of cute sister missionaries came and stood near where I was sitting in the hallway. I smiled at them and said, "Hey sisters, where are you going?" I think they were going to Virginia or someplace like that. No! Canada. Anyway, while I was sitting there and they were waiting for the last girl to come out, at least FOUR other people came over to them and said the same thing. "Hey sisters, where are you going?" Inwardly, I cursed myself for my lack of originality. Next time I see a group of sister missionaries, I am asking each girl what her favorite color is.

4. Speaking of that, I sent out a resume today along with a couple of references. I listed Ashley as a reference and said that she was my "personal friend and former mission companion." Because I was sending the resume to a family in Provo I didn't really think about it, but after a while it occurred to me that might not make any sense to someone who was not Mormon. It occurred to me that they might think I had a past career as an astronaut. As I thought about this I wondered if anyone would think I seemed like the sort of girl who was smart and cool and all-American enough to be travel in a rocket ship. I reached the conclusion of "no."

5. I love holding hands. I mean I really love it. With men or women. I went on a few dates with a boy who claimed he liked holding hands better than kissing. I don't know if that is true, he might just have been trying to seem impressive, but you have to admit that's pretty adorable, right? He had beautiful hands, by the way. They were big and masculine and handsome. But I've said too much already.

In Seattle, I would often hold hands with my friends while walking down the street. I still do this, although not with straight men I am not interested in (or my lesbian friends, if I had any of those), because I don't want to expose their film.* Anyway, in Seattle I found that people would often do a double take when they saw me holding hands with another woman, but then they would sort of smile indulgently and move on with their lives. However, in Utah, when someone sees me holding hands with a woman, they do a double take and then either glare or look away embarrassed. I find this absolutely hilarious.

To bring a little more balance into the world (you're welcome), here is something people of all regions can understand and agree with:

1. Now that finals are over, I am reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time. I think it is a great book.

And here is something NO ONE in ANY region will probably understand:

All day today, I was craving pita bread with horseradish like we ate at Passover. I don't know why.

*This is a Portuguese phrase that roughly means "to give out an untrue impression of someone's availability." For example, when I go out to dinner alone with my brother, people generally assume we are dating, which is gross. He exposes my film.


Sterling and Cori Anne said...

I want a report on the favorite colors of all the future sister missionaries you ask. That was very funny! Oh and the hair school thing is too true. The holding hands with women part reminds me of all the people who thought we were a couple. :)

TheMoncurs said...

That's funny about the hand holding. I realized at some point while at BYU that I'm a cuddler. Like, if you are around and we are sitting, I want to cuddle with you. Girls, boys, whatever. But I also run on the assumption that most people aren't touchy feely and will be weirded out, so I don't cuddle with most people. Which leads most people to assume that I am not touchy feely. So I only cuddle with Aaron. It's sad, really.

Rich said...

If you are reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time, you might want to try to read this version called, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It has the original Jane Austin, but with a subplot added in about a zombie uprising in England. I haven't read it, but sounds like the best thing ever created in ever.

Here's a link: http://www.chroniclebooks.com/index/main,book-info/store,books/products_id,7847/title,Pride-and-Prejudice-and-Zombies/

Always great to read your blog.

L'homme Masqued said...

Two comments,

Yes Civil war re-enactments are like renaissance fairs but louder. You are right on the button with that, but there are plenty of women.

Number Two, in the Middle East, The only people you don't see holding hands are people of the opposite sex. Seeing men holding hands with men and women holding hands with women is the way it is. Crazy thing to get used to.