07 July, 2008

My Worst Day Ever

Today was one of those days where I was grouchy and feeling sorry for myself, and for some reason, as I was talking with my roommate Mel, it cheered me up to tell her about things I really really hate. It was cathartic to realize that there are things on God's good earth that I will never, ever, like, and thus, can avoid with some degree of certainty. I made a list, but to make it more interesting, I thought I would combine said list into a theoretical "Worst Day ever." I'm going to make the whole day a date, because although I don't technically hate dating, it is not on my list of favorite things to do. Not even close to the top.

My worst day ever.

I get up to an obnoxious beeping alarm clock with the grungy feeling you get when you sleep somewhere unfamiliar and in an uncomfortable position; and feeling sick like I do when I don't get enough sleep. I don't have time to shower away my headache and stuffy nose. I skip breakfast and head out with Yucky Boy for a morning hunt. By the time we get back everything I own smells like campfire. Again, no time to shower. We snack on bacon while playing several rounds of Malarky, the worst board game ever invented. Then we inexplicably drive over to the fair and ride on the fun house, which has lots of mirrors and assorted creepy items, all to the music of Sum 41. We don't go on any other rides. Then Yucky Boy decides he's hungry so we go to McDonald's. There, we are surrounded by simpering couples who shriek at each other even though their partner is within normal hearing range. All conversation takes the form of whining, and every woman there has visible panties. Next, we head over to Spokane, Washington (pretend it's close by) and set off fireworks in a dry field. Yucky boy brings water for us to drink, but it's warm. Afterwards, we go swing dancing in a hick bar where I don't know anyone. Several men grab my chest. Yucky Boy pretends not to notice. I try to take solace in the bathroom but the line is too long. When he finally notices I am not enjoying myself, we head home and watch Rocky on an uncomfortable couch with no back cushions. Movie snacks are pork rinds, Lays potato chips, and buttered popcorn jelly bellies. Yucky Boy tries to kiss me, but has horrid breath. I go home, and wish I were dead, but at least know that no worse day could exist for me personally, so at least I got it over with fairly early on in life.

Wow. I feel so much better now.

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